My pen name is Jim Shortz.
They’re big fans of the fonts.
Even my blood is a Type O!
Well, to cut a long story short.
Well, to cut a long story short....
He didn't have the footage.
You'd be a grammar nazi...
...they're always crushing the blacks.
I have been told the correct course.
Because he loves to stare at footage
Yeah, his name is Sean Splicer.
Cannibal Leader: "What did you do before we captured you?"
Man: "I was an editor for a newspaper"
Cannibal Leader: "Soon you will be editor-in-chief"
He gets to right letters to the editor.
(From Abbott and Costello’s radio show, December 30, 1943)
Lou Costello: Oh, Abbott, the worst thing just happened to me!
Bud Abbott: No!
Lou Costello: Yeah, Mrs. Niles gave me a dog for a Christmas present, and the dog just took a great big bite out of me!
Bud Abbott: Where did he bite you?
Lou Costello: Well, if I’d have been wearing a license plate, he’d have gotten the last three numbers.
Bud Abbott: Where did this happen?
Lou Costello: Well, let me see, where did this happen — in a crowded streetcar. It was the first time I ever gave my seat to a dog.
Bud Abbott: Well, never mind that. What kind of a dog did Mrs. Niles give you?
Lou Costello: Do you remember that famous dog, Strongheart?
Bud Abbott: Yes, I remember Strongheart.
Lou Costello: Well, this is his brother — Weak Stomach.
Bud Abbott: Listen,
Two guys at the funny farm. One guy says, “We can get out of here.”
The other guy says, “We can?”
He says, “Yes.”
The other guy says, “How?”
The first guy says, “I’ve got a big flashlight. Tonight we’ll come out to the wall, I’ll throw the light up against the wall, and you climb up the beam.”
The guy says, “You really think I’m nuts, don’t you? I know what you’d do! I’d get halfway up, you’d shut it off!”
(Editor’s note: Batman fans will recognize this as the final joke in The Killing Joke).
I knew I shouldn't have hired an editor to look at my autobiography.
But the job of editor is more rewording.
John started working in a color pigment company which specialises in mixing and editing different color pigments according to their customers's demands. Once the color pigments were done, they would be mailed out to the customers with a detailed note commenting on the properties of the produced color pigments. John was placed in the 'Pink Pigment' department which was incidentally between the 'Red Pigment' and 'White Pigment' departments. He was really good at his job and was constantly praised for the great work he produced.
However after a month or so, John found that a number of his work was being duplicated and mailed to almost all of his customers. Worse of all, instead of a proper note commenting on the color pigment properties, these duplicated products were accompanied with rather bad puns and jokes. One repeating joke which irritated him the most was: 'What do you call a country with only pink cars? A pink car-nation.'
Upset, he went to his manager to complain about the pro... keep reading on reddit ➡
Does anyone have any good magazine/reporter puns? I'm the editor of a student magazine and we'd like a pun to put on our shirts. We can always go with the old standby "we have issues" but I'm sure someone somewhere has something funnier.
Lettuce to the editor.
My editor in chief told me he couldn't go out to a concert the night before because his nephew had to have emergency gall bladder surgery.
My response: "Wow, the gall of him!"
His response: "Well, at least he had it removed now before it got any bladder."
I'm an editor at a big-city weekly, she's a reporter at a daily in a mid-sized town:
Her: I'm literally chasing down a story about an old lady's birthday party. I need something different.
Me: Literally, huh? Why is she running from you?