I went to a job interview today and the interviewer asked me "what is your greatest weakness?". I said "I am too honest"

He said "I don't think that's a weakness"

"Well I don't give a f* what you think"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
I went for an interview. They said, β€œCan you perform under pressure?”

I said β€œI’m not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsody”

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RodimusMajor84
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
Two guys named Nate went to an interview.

First One: My name is Nate, his name is Nate too and we are looking for a job opening, both of us.

Interviewer: (checking out their resume) But there's only one position available.

Second One: Ah, shoot!

Interviewer: I'm sorry, it's very un-for-two-Nate

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itachi_katake
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
I just said "No comment" all the way through a police interview.

I didn't get the job.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
2 cows are in an police interview room accused of stealing dairy equipment

One cow says, it was the udder one

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bonnieblack100
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
I showed up to my last job interview exhausted and stoned

I was hired

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DDD8712
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
In my job interview I was asked what some of my good qualities were...

Well my doctor always calls me patient.

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReflexNL
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
At a job interview I got asked to describe myself in a nutshell

I said it's so dark I can't breathe has anyone got a nut cracker I can't breathe

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw an interview with an out of work contortionist the other day

He’s struggling to make ends meet

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frosty_boblem
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
A man walks in to his job interview

The interviewer waits for the man to sit down before putting the papers in his hand flat on the table between them. "I have here the CV you submitted when you applied for this job. Unfortunately there's a 4 year gap on your CV, can you explain that please?"

The man shuffles uncomfortably in his seat and says "those are the years I went to Yale..."

The interviewer, not expecting this, was taken by surprise and said: "wow that's very impressive! You're hired!"

The man, surprised himself, replies: thanks! I really need this yob!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardybrownie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
At a job interview the interviewer asked me why i had a 4 year gap in my resume. I told him, that it’s because i went to yale. He looked impressed and told me i’m hired.

Woohoo, i got a yob! :D

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zapyre
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Everybody said I should wear a suit to my interviews. The first one, I did just that...

I spent all night sewing hearts into shirt and britches. Had to go thru 11 decks of cards.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
Reading an interview with Alison Moyet and suddenly...
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pointedtone123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Still scratching my head in confusion, trying to understand why was I thrown out of the interview room???

My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness" All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
*Job interview* "Can you explain this gap in your rΓ©sumΓ©?"

Me: "I fell asleep on the space key."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball-_-fondler
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve started an organization that grants scholarships to former armed services individuals that want to become animal doctors. Grantees are awarded based on an interview process.

I call it β€œBest bets for vetting vets for vets”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...

That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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My job interview for the Navy was going well, until they asked if I could swim

To be honest, I thought they’d have boats.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ask_carly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A priest in a big church in Paris has a job interview with a new bell ringer. The priest asks β€œwhy should I hire you?” The applicant responded β€œI have a special talent!”

β€œOh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.

The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.

At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!

β€œYou’re hired!!” He exclaimed.

The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.

The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.

A bystander asked β€œwho is he?”

The priest responded β€œI don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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In a recent interview with David Draiman a reporter commented on his remarkable quarantine weight gain.

Disturbed's lead singer just laughed like a monkey and said he was "down with the thiccness."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Catillionaire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the job applicant kick the door on his way into the interview?

So he could try to get a foot in the door

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I went for a job interview today, he asked, "Can you tell me about your previous work experience in a nutshell?"

I said, "I've never had a job working in a nutshell."

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw an interview with Sean Connery about how he used to scuba dive for seafood. He said, "everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,

that's shellfish."

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Job Interview for Later

Job Interviewer: "At the start you'll be earning $17,000; later that will increase to $21,000"
Me: "Ok, I'll come back later."

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
At a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little.

β€œNervous?” asked the interviewer.

β€œNo. I always give 110%”.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunyyan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walked into his job interview covered in glue

His reasoning was β€œI thought it would help me stick the interview”.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fxrc3full
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
At a job interview:

"What are your strengths?"

"I'm an optimist and a positive thinker."

"Can you give me an example?"

"Yes, when do I start?"

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
At a job interview

At job interview at restaurant there were three aplicants a man, a women and Bob. The interviewer asked the man,

"Why do you deserve this position"

The man replied "I have worked at three 5 star restayrants and have been in this field for 8 years"

The interviewer asked the same question to the women and she replied "I have been working in this field for 15 years and have managed many famous restaurants around the world"

It was finally Bob's turn and the interviewer asked him the same question,

"Why do you deserve this position"

Bob said "You could say i bring a lot to the table"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/throwawaytrol7134
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I telephoned the tennis star Serena Williams for an interview and asked her, β€œWhat’s your favourite planet?”

Her: It’s Venus.

Me: Sorry Venus, would you put Serena on the phone?

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Just got back from an interview as a housesitter. The lady said it involved some light housekeeping.

I've answered 'I've never kept a lighthouse before, but I'm willing to try'.

She said she'll give me a call.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonazzzz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I broke 3 toes leaving a job interview today

But at least I got my foot in the door

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I got an interview and told them I was proficient in C and C-sharp.

Turns out that wasn't good enough to be a pianist

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Next week I have an interview for a job cleaning mirrors,

It’s really something I can see myself doing.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeSplodge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when you go to a job interview, high and tired?

You're hired! [ok whatever this joke isnt even funny :')]

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/otsoth3g4m3r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Which interview should you avoid asking Clark Kent to give?

2:30 AM: A woman accused of robbing a large bank in San Francisco

6:00 PM: A man accused of scamming high rollers in Las Vegas

9:00 PM: A man accused of shooting two rival gang members in Los Angeles

The last one: Keep him away from the Crip tonight

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Job interview
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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During an interview, I was asked how much experience with Photoshop I have...

I replied "I'm so good at Photoshop I make Mother Teresa look like Donald Trump."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dad said it was always important to make a good impression at the start of a job interview...

So whenever I went for one I always entered the room saying β€œNice to see you, to see you....”. Only once did someone respond.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Interview question.
πŸ‘︎ 271
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackEyedBroad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
🚨︎ report
A struggling young news reporter was having trouble getting good sound bites from the politicians she was sent out to interview, so she invited an experienced colleague out to dinner to ask for advice.

The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.

Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.

As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."

As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".

Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/podgress
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A man is at a job interview and the interviewer asks him β€œSo why do you think you’d make a good waiter” and the man replied β€œWell, I think I could bring a lot to the table”
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CHEEZY_21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I went for an interview. They said, β€œCan you perform under pressure?”

I said β€œI’m not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsody”

πŸ‘︎ 729
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LIS1050010
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
THE INTERVIEW

Interviewer: How do you explain the for year gap in your resume?

Me : I went to Yale.

Interviewer: That's great. You're selected.

Me: Thanks I really needed this yob.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I went for a job interview the other day.

They asked, "Can you perform under pressure?"

I said, "No, but I can perform Bohemian Rhapsody."

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/insideout97
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Job Interview : "How do you perform under pressure"

I usually have my band with me

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was asked at an interview what my weakness is

I replied "I'm too honest"
The interviewer said "I don't consider honesty a weakness"
I said "I don't give a fuck what you think"

πŸ‘︎ 354
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Laughinboy29
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report

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