My day is full of conference calls, collaborations, and 1-on-1s. I wish they would all just go away...

...but then my life would be meetingless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ciden
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph attend the online conference?

There was no zoom at the inn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanlloyd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
At a conference there was the most courageous person who went by the name Sam. Before he got on the stage to deliver his impressive speech, all attendees begged him not to sing.

But Samsung anyway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vapingpigeon94
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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I went to a fortune tellers conference. They had free t-shirts.

They were all mediums.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyberOgre
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.

He said no, this is light.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tonheatz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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What do you call a butchers conference

A meating

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKindleys
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...

He took part.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Covid-19 breath conference today

Information to be presented by the World Health Organization, followed by the World Health Action Taskforce to talk about global initiatives, then a personal message of health by Dr. Irena Dun-Noh.

So WHOs on first, WHATs on second, I. Dun-Nohs on third

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πŸ‘€︎ u/throwaway40k22
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about AT&T and Verizon dropping out of an upcoming conference due to corona virus concerns?

It’s probably a good thing considering they’re both well-known carriers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dizmodo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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I promised my wife I would look after her 6 cats while she went to a business conference...

I pre-tended.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A parent-teacher conference
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evoblack
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
We are holding our annual social anxiety conference this weekend.

We hope to have more than 1 person show up this year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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I went to a motivation conference and the speaker asked the audience, "What drives you?"

I put my hand up and answered, "My car."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a pirate conference the other day but they refused to serve food to any of the parrots…

It was a polynomial function

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremywarne
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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I misunderstood the purpose of the colour conference...

It was a red hearring, so I blue myself for nothing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ruminino
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
National Dad Conference

Speaker: β€œI'm glad you could all make it”

Whole crowd: in unison β€œHi glad you could all make it, We're dad”

Speaker: Puts up a pic of ID on big screen showing legal name is "glad you could all make it"

entire conference loses their shit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MightHaveDone
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a stand-in speaker at a dog conference?

A Sub-woofer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wasabi-bean
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The most ComForTable part of a conference room
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frankendilt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Warren Buffet (self-made billionaire) holds an annual conference for aspiring entrepreneurs.

When they go to lunch during the conference, they eat from the β€œBuffett Buffet.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/realmattmoseley
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad jokes conference part 2

Things were going well at the dad jokes conference.

Then someone spilled a can of beans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
The keynote speaker for the medical conference walked up to the stage. "Before I begin," he started, "is there anyone in the audience from Connecticut? " reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lady_Picard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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If someone ever throws something at the President of the United States during an important press conference with other world leaders, what should you scream?

DONALD DUCK!!!

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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I went to this conference sponsored by Intel

All we got for lunch was chips.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloody1ips
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm sitting in the conference room at work with all these sirloin steaks. This meating is so boring.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShooCat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2017
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I was asked to deliver the inaugural speech for this health food conference.

Really enjoyed being the quinoa speaker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shrik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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I thought I'd impress everyone by showing my presentation on the conference room wall...

But I was just projecting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigoldgeek
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
🚨︎ report
*soundsystem conference*

And out next speaker up is Sony.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meltedpickless
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
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This girl came up to me today and said I knew her from a vegetarian conference we attended...

I swear I never met herbivore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2076baseballbat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the conference for dads last week?

It was pundemonium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/curiousorange76
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Actual quote by a sheriff at the Oroville Dam news conference:

"This is a fluid situation, obviously..."

context: http://www.kcra.com/article/evacuation-orders-issued-for-low-levels-of-oroville/8735215

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matt111098
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
🚨︎ report
At Parent-Teacher Conferences

Teacher: He's very smart and well behaved! Dad: I guess we'll keep him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/olszak
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2013
🚨︎ report
Professor dad jokes entire conference

We're at a research conference this week, and my professor was the session chair. He started out with "we all know that H2O is water, but - and I want you to really think about this - what is H2O4?" He then shows a diagram of the molecule for us all to ponder. After a minute he says, "so, what is H2O4? For drinking, bathing, washing up..." Cue a room full of groans and chuckles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phizzwizard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad is in Las Vegas for a work conference

He signed an email:

"Love from Lost Wages,

Dad"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-4-8-15-16-23-42-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad dropped this one after my mom went to my brother's parent teacher conference

Mom: Luke, Ms. _____ says that you're doing very well in class except for one thing. She says that when you do work, you're rushin'. So just try your best to take your time.

Dad: Luke, when you go back to school tell your teacher that you're American, not Russian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbbeefy57
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2013
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My wife is at a conference for work and took some time to respond to a text...

Her: "Sorry, I was at an evening session." Me: "Ah, so now can you even?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotActuallyMyName
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2015
🚨︎ report
Dug this up. Not a joke in the classical sense, but this was my dad's excuse for not watching Obama's sudden press conference a few years back. imgur.com/vXMId
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeronyx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2013
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My friend was at a conference this summer where Alan Bean (4th man on the moon) was the keynote speaker...

I told him, "that speech must have been out of this world!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spenceredelstei
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Conference call at work

When we dial in and enter our conference code, it then says, "after the tone, please say your name, followed by the pound sign." I am always tempted to say, obviously, "your name, followed by the pound sign." It being a professional office and all, I can never bring myself to do it. But in this "dad jokes" forum, I think I found my home. Thanks everyone!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Llis1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2015
🚨︎ report
Son, I had a parent-teacher conference with your chemistry teacher yesterday.

We really bonded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freakyfreakyfresh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2014
🚨︎ report
Why were Mary and Joseph not able to join a conference call?

Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanAhJustSay
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a butcher’s conference

A meating

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKindleys
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
[national dad conference]

Speaker: I'm glad you could all make it

Whole crowd: in unison hi glad you could all make it We're dad

Speaker: Puts up a pic of ID on big screen showing legal name is "glad you could all make it"

entire conference loses their shit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report

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