My day is full of conference calls, collaborations, and 1-on-1s. I wish they would all just go away...
...but then my life would be meetingless.
Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph attend the online conference?
There was no zoom at the inn.
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
At a conference there was the most courageous person who went by the name Sam. Before he got on the stage to deliver his impressive speech, all attendees begged him not to sing.
I went to a fortune tellers conference. They had free t-shirts.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What do you call a butchers conference
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
Covid-19 breath conference today
Information to be presented by the World Health Organization, followed by the World Health Action Taskforce to talk about global initiatives, then a personal message of health by Dr. Irena Dun-Noh.
So WHOs on first, WHATs on second, I. Dun-Nohs on third
Did you guys hear about AT&T and Verizon dropping out of an upcoming conference due to corona virus concerns?
It’s probably a good thing considering they’re both well-known carriers.
I promised my wife I would look after her 6 cats while she went to a business conference...
A parent-teacher conference
We are holding our annual social anxiety conference this weekend.
We hope to have more than 1 person show up this year.
I went to a motivation conference and the speaker asked the audience, "What drives you?"
I put my hand up and answered, "My car."
I went to a pirate conference the other day but they refused to serve food to any of the parrots…
It was a polynomial function
I misunderstood the purpose of the colour conference...
It was a red hearring, so I blue myself for nothing.
National Dad Conference
Speaker: “I'm glad you could all make it”
Whole crowd: in unison “Hi glad you could all make it, We're dad”
Speaker: Puts up a pic of ID on big screen showing legal name is "glad you could all make it"
entire conference loses their shit
What do you call a stand-in speaker at a dog conference?
The most ComForTable part of a conference room
Warren Buffet (self-made billionaire) holds an annual conference for aspiring entrepreneurs.
When they go to lunch during the conference, they eat from the “Buffett Buffet.”
Dad jokes conference part 2
Things were going well at the dad jokes conference.
Then someone spilled a can of beans.
The keynote speaker for the medical conference walked up to the stage. "Before I begin," he started, "is there anyone in the audience from Connecticut? "
reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
If someone ever throws something at the President of the United States during an important press conference with other world leaders, what should you scream?
I went to this conference sponsored by Intel
All we got for lunch was chips.
I'm sitting in the conference room at work with all these sirloin steaks. This meating is so boring.
I was asked to deliver the inaugural speech for this health food conference.
Really enjoyed being the quinoa speaker.
I thought I'd impress everyone by showing my presentation on the conference room wall...
But I was just projecting.
*soundsystem conference*
And out next speaker up is Sony.
This girl came up to me today and said I knew her from a vegetarian conference we attended...
I swear I never met herbivore.
Did you hear about the conference for dads last week?
Actual quote by a sheriff at the Oroville Dam news conference:
"This is a fluid situation, obviously..."
context: http://www.kcra.com/article/evacuation-orders-issued-for-low-levels-of-oroville/8735215
At Parent-Teacher Conferences
Teacher: He's very smart and well behaved!
Dad: I guess we'll keep him.
Professor dad jokes entire conference
We're at a research conference this week, and my professor was the session chair. He started out with "we all know that H2O is water, but - and I want you to really think about this - what is H2O4?" He then shows a diagram of the molecule for us all to ponder. After a minute he says, "so, what is H2O4? For drinking, bathing, washing up..." Cue a room full of groans and chuckles.
My dad is in Las Vegas for a work conference
He signed an email:
"Love from Lost Wages,
Dad"
My dad dropped this one after my mom went to my brother's parent teacher conference
Mom: Luke, Ms. _____ says that you're doing very well in class except for one thing. She says that when you do work, you're rushin'. So just try your best to take your time.
Dad: Luke, when you go back to school tell your teacher that you're American, not Russian.
My wife is at a conference for work and took some time to respond to a text...
Her: "Sorry, I was at an evening session."
Me: "Ah, so now can you even?"
Dug this up. Not a joke in the classical sense, but this was my dad's excuse for not watching Obama's sudden press conference a few years back.
imgur.com/vXMId
My friend was at a conference this summer where Alan Bean (4th man on the moon) was the keynote speaker...
I told him, "that speech must have been out of this world!"
Conference call at work
When we dial in and enter our conference code, it then says, "after the tone, please say your name, followed by the pound sign." I am always tempted to say, obviously, "your name, followed by the pound sign." It being a professional office and all, I can never bring myself to do it. But in this "dad jokes" forum, I think I found my home. Thanks everyone!
Son, I had a parent-teacher conference with your chemistry teacher yesterday.
Why were Mary and Joseph not able to join a conference call?
Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!
What do you call a butcher’s conference
[national dad conference]
Speaker: I'm glad you could all make it
Whole crowd: in unison hi glad you could all make it We're dad
Speaker: Puts up a pic of ID on big screen showing legal name is "glad you could all make it"
entire conference loses their shit
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