The newslady turns to the camera and says, "you heard it folks. 'Straight' from the horses mouth."
Dad: Half Lemon, half Ice-T? Why didn't you just save time and say it was Arnold Palmer?
The man replies, “Either ore works!”
I said - "Definitely not - I play basketball by the rules"
Wow, neuro-surgeon huh... I'd like to pick your brain....
He did not get it...
(those type of pun opportunities dont come to mind that often...) ((another one bitches))
I asked a co-worker about her thoughts on the guy we just interviewed:
Her: I think it's a go, but I've having some reservations.
Me: Why? He's not a restaurant.
she laughed, but others within earshot groaned
He said "I don't think that's a weakness"
"Well I don't give a f* what you think"
The woman simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
Well my doctor always calls me patient.
They told me they were looking for someone responsible! I told them this was perfect, whenever something went wrong at my old job they always said I was responsible.
I said “I’m not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsody”
Me: When did my resume learn to talk?
He’s struggling to make ends meet
The interviewer waits for the man to sit down before putting the papers in his hand flat on the table between them. "I have here the CV you submitted when you applied for this job. Unfortunately there's a 4 year gap on your CV, can you explain that please?"
The man shuffles uncomfortably in his seat and says "those are the years I went to Yale..."
The interviewer, not expecting this, was taken by surprise and said: "wow that's very impressive! You're hired!"
The man, surprised himself, replies: thanks! I really need this yob!"
I spent all night sewing hearts into shirt and britches. Had to go thru 11 decks of cards.
I said it's so dark I can't breathe has anyone got a nut cracker I can't breathe
Woohoo, i got a yob! :D
That was awesome
My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness" All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"
Me: No, but I once told a donkey to F off.
Me: "I Excel at it."
Interviewer: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"
Me: "Word".
Me: "I fell asleep on the space key."
Me: Well, your search ends today. At my previous job, whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible.
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
I call it “Best bets for vetting vets for vets”
To be honest, I thought they’d have boats.
Disturbed's lead singer just laughed like a monkey and said he was "down with the thiccness."
“Oh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.
The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.
At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!
“You’re hired!!” He exclaimed.
The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.
The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.
A bystander asked “who is he?”
The priest responded “I don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”
But that's enough about them
So he could try to get a foot in the door
Me: "I never worked in a nut shell."
I said, "I've never had a job working in a nutshell."
Wright up
Job Interviewer: "At the start you'll be earning $17,000; later that will increase to $21,000"
Me: "Ok, I'll come back later."
I said no, but I can do a good Bohemian Rhapsody
His reasoning was “I thought it would help me stick the interview”.
that's shellfish."
“Nervous?” asked the interviewer.
“No. I always give 110%”.
"What are your strengths?"
"I'm an optimist and a positive thinker."
"Can you give me an example?"
"Yes, when do I start?"
Me: I played video games
Interviewer: Why were you terminated?
Me: I played video games.
I've answered 'I've never kept a lighthouse before, but I'm willing to try'.
She said she'll give me a call.
Interviewer: How do you explain the for year gap in your resume?
Me : I went to Yale.
Interviewer: That's great. You're selected.
Me: Thanks I really needed this yob.
Me: Thanks. I really need this Yob.
Interview: You're hired? Me: Thanks for the job!
They asked, "Can you perform under pressure?"
I said, "No, but I can perform Bohemian Rhapsody."
