Job Interview Puns

He said "I don't think that's a weakness"

"Well I don't give a f* what you think"

I was hired

Well my doctor always calls me patient.

I said it's so dark I can't breathe has anyone got a nut cracker I can't breathe

The interviewer waits for the man to sit down before putting the papers in his hand flat on the table between them. "I have here the CV you submitted when you applied for this job. Unfortunately there's a 4 year gap on your CV, can you explain that please?"

The man shuffles uncomfortably in his seat and says "those are the years I went to Yale..."

The interviewer, not expecting this, was taken by surprise and said: "wow that's very impressive! You're hired!"

The man, surprised himself, replies: thanks! I really need this yob!"

Woohoo, i got a yob! :D

Me: "I fell asleep on the space key."

That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.

To be honest, I thought they’d have boats.

“Oh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.

The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.

At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!

“You’re hired!!” He exclaimed.

The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.

The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.

A bystander asked “who is he?”

The priest responded “I don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”

So he could try to get a foot in the door

I said, "I've never had a job working in a nutshell."

Job Interviewer: "At the start you'll be earning $17,000; later that will increase to $21,000"
Me: "Ok, I'll come back later."

They asked, "Can you perform under pressure?"

I said, "No, but I can perform Bohemian Rhapsody."

“Nervous?” asked the interviewer.

“No. I always give 110%”.

His reasoning was “I thought it would help me stick the interview”.

"What are your strengths?"

"I'm an optimist and a positive thinker."

"Can you give me an example?"

"Yes, when do I start?"

At job interview at restaurant there were three aplicants a man, a women and Bob. The interviewer asked the man,

"Why do you deserve this position"

The man replied "I have worked at three 5 star restayrants and have been in this field for 8 years"

The interviewer asked the same question to the women and she replied "I have been working in this field for 15 years and have managed many famous restaurants around the world"

It was finally Bob's turn and the interviewer asked him the same question,

"Why do you deserve this position"

Bob said "You could say i bring a lot to the table"

But at least I got my foot in the door

It’s really something I can see myself doing.

You're hired! [ok whatever this joke isnt even funny :')]

So whenever I went for one I always entered the room saying “Nice to see you, to see you....”. Only once did someone respond.

I think my resume speaks for itself

I said, "Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments."

I didn't get the job ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My interviewer said, “Woah there, are you nervous” I cooly replied, “I’m not nervous, I just always give 110 percent.”

I said that I don't know that one, but I could take a shot at Bohemian Rhapsody.

He didn't have the right koalafications

I needed more Thyme

... I really want a job as a mime. But I didn't get it.

After being told the bad news, I asked the interviewer, "was it something I said?"

And was asked what my vision was for the next year. I told them it was 2020

Unless the job is a statistician.

Kneedless to say, he didn't get the job after that mis-step.

They didn't hire me. They said I was underkoalafied.

Apparently ‘with high voltage nipple clamps’ wasn’t the answer they were expecting

A cactie

Be sure to put in your resume that you used to voice act on Sesame street, that way no mater what you are applying for you were an ex Bert.

I guess watching fat people in the park isn’t considered relevant job experience.

Me: "Hey so I finally got a job interview as an engineer for an HVAC company."

Dad: "That's cool! Or hot!"

Spot on dad.

I told her not to worry because the hiring process is a lot of monkey business anyway.

They really grilled me!

I usually have my band with me

At a recent job interview I was asked "Can you perform under pressure?"

I said "Unfortunately not, but I know the words to Bohemian Rhapsody."

I said I could, but I'd be more comfortable playing Bohemian Rhapsody.