I once debated a flat earther. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.
I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”
My wife texted me saying "Your great!". I responded, "No, you're great!" She said the text made her day when she got home.
I guess she really likes being corrected on her grammar.
I got a mail saying that I won a million dollars because I could read Maps backwards
I thought to myself, "That's just Spam".
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
I have very fond memories of my dad arriving home, wearing his white t-shirt, black leather jacket, giving me the thumbs up, and saying 'Ayyyy'...
What do you call it when a tiny Humpty Dumpty is saying derogatory things in a Slavic language?
I'm not saying the disc drive on the PS5 is good..
But it's a real game changer.
Saying Tom Brady is the greatest football player in history isn’t just a hyperbole...
When I was in florida I saw signs saying "animal sanctuary 5$." so I decided to follow them but when I got there it was just a middle aged couple with hundreds of house cats and one dog in a cage.
I was having problems with the printer at work last week and I had to ring the engineer. I told him that I kept putting paper in to the printer but the display kept saying it just can't get enough...
The engineer said "ah yes.... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"....
What is a physicists favorite saying?
A doctor is giving medical treatment when a nurse comes in saying that they need the doctor in another room. The nurse told the guy getting medical treatment to wait.
This is NOT a repost stop saying it is
I’m not saying he’s dumb
But he does think an asset is a little donkey.
I think it goes without saying...
What was everyone saying about the photographer who got the prosthetic foot?
They got some new faux-toes
Whats with the saying "that's how you get ahead in life"?
I was already born with one.
People keep saying Trump had planned a coup but...
I considered him more of a sedan-guy with a chauffeur.
I just printed out a bunch of pamphlets on how to avoid saying the wrong things and getting into a fight.
I’ve been saying “mucho” to my Spanish friend a lot more often lately
My Wife Constantly Asks If I’m Listening to What She’s Saying
Such a weird way to start a conversation.
What do you call a little guy in a pointy hat on a train saying "tick tick tick"?
I made a joke saying this Thanksgiving would be extra special because we'll be spreading around diseases like the original Thanksgiving. Someone told me "too soon".
They were right. I should have waited until next week.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
People keep saying today is pi day
But to me, March 14th will always be cake day.
My friend Peter keeps saying the same things over again.
So I nicknamed him Re-Peter.
I've been working on not mansplaining and instead saying something positive. How has been going?
I absentmindedly bought a block of cheese. As soon as I unwrapped it, it spoke, saying, "I'm depressed. Can you help with this sadness?"
Damn. I picked up bleu cheese.
I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present
Cop: But you are the lawyer?
Me: Then where’s my present?
I saw a restaurant that had a sign up saying “Breakfast anytime”
So I ordered French toast during the renaissance.
He wasn't lying, just saying
Which fruit has the hardest time saying anything?
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
I saw my wife slightly drunk yelling at the TV saying “don’t go in there you idiot”
She was watching our wedding video again.
My girlfriend left a note on my fridge this morning saying "this isn't working, bye"
I opened it up and it was working fine, so I'll just wait till she's home to ask her what she meant.
I read a press release from Heinz saying: "We will never make a Bolognese version of our Alphabetti Spaghetti.
I thought, Blimey. They don't mince their words.
What was the indecisive fly overheard saying?
I’m not sure about these debates, I’m really on the Pence
I can see the drifter saying that
I got an email from Google Earth saying it can “read maps backwards” and I thought
I once debated a flat earthed. He got me so mad I stormed off, saying I'd come back around eventually.
You could say I went over the edge.
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around, eventually.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
I got an email from Google saying "At Google Earth, we are able to read maps backwards!" and I thought;
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
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