Just had an officer at the door saying he was looking for a man with one eye...
Told him to use both and he’d probably find him a lot quicker.
I’ve started saying mucho to my Spanish speaking friends.
I once debated a flat earther. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
People just keep saying, "Nothing rhymes with orange."
I keep telling them, "No it doesn't!"
My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.
I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
I failed to get elected as a union leader but you know there's this old saying...
Union some you lose some.
I was walking down the street and I heard someone saying hello in Arabic.
Turns out it was a false salaam.
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Workers rescued after a cave in, were reported saying
That it was a miner inconvenience
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.
My girlfriend's walked out on me, saying she's sick to death of my healthy, but boring diet.
Never mind though, plenty more fish in the freezer.
What historical figure is known for saying "ehh, good enough."?
My wife texted me saying "Your great!". I responded, "No, you're great!" She said the text made her day when she got home.
I guess she really likes being corrected on her grammar.
I got a mail saying that I won a million dollars because I could read Maps backwards
I thought to myself, "That's just Spam".
I usually don't care what other people are saying...
....until they start whispering.
This is NOT a repost stop saying it is
I have very fond memories of my dad arriving home, wearing his white t-shirt, black leather jacket, giving me the thumbs up, and saying 'Ayyyy'...
I was having problems with the printer at work last week and I had to ring the engineer. I told him that I kept putting paper in to the printer but the display kept saying it just can't get enough...
The engineer said "ah yes.... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"....
What is a physicists favorite saying?
Saying Tom Brady is the greatest football player in history isn’t just a hyperbole...
What do you call it when a tiny Humpty Dumpty is saying derogatory things in a Slavic language?
I'm not saying the disc drive on the PS5 is good..
But it's a real game changer.
When I was in florida I saw signs saying "animal sanctuary 5$." so I decided to follow them but when I got there it was just a middle aged couple with hundreds of house cats and one dog in a cage.
A doctor is giving medical treatment when a nurse comes in saying that they need the doctor in another room. The nurse told the guy getting medical treatment to wait.
I’m not saying he’s dumb
But he does think an asset is a little donkey.
I just heard an announcement on a loud speaker outside my home saying, "If you invest 50$ just once, you can sit and eat for the rest of your life".
I went out and saw the idiot; he was selling chairs.
I think it goes without saying...
Whats with the saying "that's how you get ahead in life"?
I was already born with one.
What was everyone saying about the photographer who got the prosthetic foot?
They got some new faux-toes
People keep saying today is pi day
But to me, March 14th will always be cake day.
My Wife Constantly Asks If I’m Listening to What She’s Saying
Such a weird way to start a conversation.
People keep saying Trump had planned a coup but...
I considered him more of a sedan-guy with a chauffeur.
I just printed out a bunch of pamphlets on how to avoid saying the wrong things and getting into a fight.
I made a joke saying this Thanksgiving would be extra special because we'll be spreading around diseases like the original Thanksgiving. Someone told me "too soon".
They were right. I should have waited until next week.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
What do you call a little guy in a pointy hat on a train saying "tick tick tick"?
He wasn't lying, just saying
My friend Peter keeps saying the same things over again.
So I nicknamed him Re-Peter.
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
I got an email from Google Earth saying it can “read maps backwards” and I thought
I once debated a flat earthed. He got me so mad I stormed off, saying I'd come back around eventually.
You could say I went over the edge.
I’ve been saying “mucho” to my Spanish friend a lot more often lately
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around, eventually.
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
I got an email from Google saying "At Google Earth, we are able to read maps backwards!" and I thought;
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
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