Noble gases should have no reaction
Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
room R has it
"Tea," says the mouse. "Water," says the giraffe. "Pop," goes the weasel.
He only ever needs one drumstick.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
The attack made headlines.
“Welcome to my humble a-boat.”
They buzz them in.
Dirty bastards!
Clerk responds, "No problem, sir. This room is called 'The Lobby'"
Wow, neuro-surgeon huh... I'd like to pick your brain....
He did not get it...
(those type of pun opportunities dont come to mind that often...) ((another one bitches))
Fiancee: Let's see: summer squash...
Me: ...and some aren't!
"We're saving them for a rainy day."
...because there's no place like chrome for the hollandaise.
I eventually pulled him over and said "c'mon dude, there's a thyme and a plaice" but this is not it!
I didn't realize I was cutting it close.
I was walking by with a jar of olives when he told me: "You know that was Santa's eighth reindeer, right?" Me:"Umm, Olive?" Him:"Yeah, you know the song! ..and olive the other reindeer laughed and called Rudolph names!"
Miso sorry.
He responded, "No, sir, its the weekend."
The Shinzo Abe Lincoln Bedroom.
We could all make jokes at his/her expense - it would be AMAzing
Points to ceiling fan "This is my biggest fan."
Me: Yeah, a Brazilian guy
Him: That's a lot of guys!
I was working in electronics at a local big box store, when this guy comes in and asks where the new Adele CD is. So, I start looking.
Me: Now if I were adele, where would I be...?
Him: Probably in a deli.
A guy visiting Australia gets hit by a car and is taken to the ER unconscious. When he comes to, lying on a stretcher, he asks the porter, "Was I brought here to die?".
The porter replies, "No, mate, you were brought here yesterday."
So we had a guest speaker in my class today, (victimology). He had just finished introduced himself and since we have a smaller class he wanted everyone to introduce themselves as well. He wanted to know our names career path ideas, and one interesting fact. Everyone's going around saying the typical stuff in a criminal just class and not very interesting facts. Then a fellow student states her interesting fact that she has never peeled a banana. Everyone was kinda shocked, and when asked why she had explained that she got really sick one time when she was young after having eaten a banana given to her by her mom, (pre peeled). He then looked at her and said, "well I can see why you don't find them very apPEALing...." And then burst out into laughter.
After all, he does predict May weather.
These are my children from my first marriage. (He is still married to my mom, his first wife)
They usually show up to the party sMASHED or BAKED!
Work at a conference hotel so we had a big group in house
Guest: Oh so who's this big group in the lobby?
Me: Why thats the American Heart Association sir
Guest: Ah well bless their heart
:facepalm:
Friend: "Awesome guest announcement for a Melbourne convention. He voiced Mojo Jojo in the Powerpuff Girls and Ghostface"
Me: "I have no idea who or what Ghostface is"
Friend: "Scream"
Me: "I did, and I still have no idea who Ghostface is"
Noble gases should have no reaction.
Because Noble Gases shouldn’t have any reaction.
