With special guest star.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 16 2020
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If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases should have no reaction

πŸ‘οΈŽ 576
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bot_10
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2019
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Guest

Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 07 2020
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Motel guests in room Q say they used to see him cheating on his wife...

room R has it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 06 2020
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Guest to the waiter: β€œCan you bring me what the lady at the next table is having?” /r/Jokes/comments/ewmnrv/…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BenderDeLorean
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 31 2020
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Guest speaker
πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CocozuBR
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2019
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A hen asks her guests what they'd like to drink.

"Tea," says the mouse. "Water," says the giraffe. "Pop," goes the weasel.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OiTheRolk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16 2019
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Did you know Def Leppard's drummer makes the best Thanksgiving guest?

He only ever needs one drumstick.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kbdekker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 23 2019
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I guess the food is more fluid with the guests
πŸ‘οΈŽ 43
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mehaxe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 27 2019
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β€ͺI mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.

Called the dish, Mea Pulpa. ‬

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/golubeerji
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2019
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My neighbor had a BBQ party, and some guest threw a grill at his face.

The attack made headlines.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 132
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2019
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How does the houseboat owner greet his guests?

β€œWelcome to my humble a-boat.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Yaquinaking
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 30 2019
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How do bees welcome their guests?

They buzz them in.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 66
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chirag_was_here
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26 2019
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The guests in this hotel are always stealing all the soaps, shower gels and shampoos from their rooms...

Dirty bastards!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LoliH-Entai
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 27 2019
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A drunk guest returns to his hotel and says to the clerk "Hi. I've forgotten what room I'm in."

Clerk responds, "No problem, sir. This room is called 'The Lobby'"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 83
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Eccohawk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2018
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Guest speaker and his friend mike..
πŸ‘οΈŽ 335
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ThunderFishy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2014
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[totally true story just happened to me:] *the setup* staying in an airbnb... another guest arrives, he is a neuro-surgeon from south korea... interviewing at UCSF - I built that hosptial, so said to him

Wow, neuro-surgeon huh... I'd like to pick your brain....

He did not get it...

(those type of pun opportunities dont come to mind that often...) ((another one bitches))

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sarah_Connor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 27 2017
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A guest asked about our selection of grilled veggies

Fiancee: Let's see: summer squash...

Me: ...and some aren't!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/crgk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2016
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A shy priest greets the wedding guests to the Chapel. He's very nervous and doesn't say much. reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ThiccGoose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2018
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A house guest comments on the number of umbrellas we have at home...

"We're saving them for a rainy day."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sev-Enn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2018
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Each year I serve my Christmas guests Eggs Benedict plated on hubcaps...

...because there's no place like chrome for the hollandaise.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AstralTraveller
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 01 2016
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It was my father's funeral today and my brother has been going round all the guests trying to tell them about his new fish and herbs recipe...

I eventually pulled him over and said "c'mon dude, there's a thyme and a plaice" but this is not it!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rossage99
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2017
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I finished mowing the lawn just before the first guests arrived for our party.

I didn't realize I was cutting it close.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/daytonatrbo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2017
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A guest at the restaurant I work at told me the daddest joke I've ever heard

I was walking by with a jar of olives when he told me: "You know that was Santa's eighth reindeer, right?" Me:"Umm, Olive?" Him:"Yeah, you know the song! ..and olive the other reindeer laughed and called Rudolph names!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BeautimusStormborn
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 30 2017
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What did the waiter at the Japanese restaurant say to the guest when he accidentally served the wrong soup?

Miso sorry.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/eldowns
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 19 2017
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A waiter approached his guest and asked if he was still working on his plate of food

He responded, "No, sir, its the weekend."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/drmcnaughty
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 28 2017
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The Prime Minister of Japan is meeting with the US President today and Trump told him that if he would spend the night, he'd rename the guest room after him.

The Shinzo Abe Lincoln Bedroom.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hew3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 10 2017
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We should have a guest comedian come on here

We could all make jokes at his/her expense - it would be AMAzing

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/scandiumflight
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 22 2015
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This was my Dad's favourite with house guests....

Points to ceiling fan "This is my biggest fan."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 53
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mogwan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 18 2013
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Any guests at your Airbnb?

Me: Yeah, a Brazilian guy

Him: That's a lot of guys!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AlreadyBeenDoneB4
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 24 2016
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Can you do feta? Brie my guest.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Glutnix
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 29 2014
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Guest got me at work

I was working in electronics at a local big box store, when this guy comes in and asks where the new Adele CD is. So, I start looking.

Me: Now if I were adele, where would I be...?

Him: Probably in a deli.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wyathew10
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 08 2015
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My dad always brings this one out when guests are over

A guy visiting Australia gets hit by a car and is taken to the ER unconscious. When he comes to, lying on a stretcher, he asks the porter, "Was I brought here to die?".

The porter replies, "No, mate, you were brought here yesterday."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MrKarmapoliceofficer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 22 2014
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Guest speaker dad joke.

So we had a guest speaker in my class today, (victimology). He had just finished introduced himself and since we have a smaller class he wanted everyone to introduce themselves as well. He wanted to know our names career path ideas, and one interesting fact. Everyone's going around saying the typical stuff in a criminal just class and not very interesting facts. Then a fellow student states her interesting fact that she has never peeled a banana. Everyone was kinda shocked, and when asked why she had explained that she got really sick one time when she was young after having eaten a banana given to her by her mom, (pre peeled). He then looked at her and said, "well I can see why you don't find them very apPEALing...." And then burst out into laughter.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 76
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/laxerado1313
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 04 2013
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I'm surprised Al Rocker wasn't a guest commentator at tonights fight....

After all, he does predict May weather.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rujahj
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 03 2015
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What my dad would say to guests when introducing me and my sister.

These are my children from my first marriage. (He is still married to my mom, his first wife)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/clymo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 23 2014
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Dad sent me this pic of his dinner "guests"
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/robina1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 14 2015
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Why are potatoes such bad dinner guests?

They usually show up to the party sMASHED or BAKED!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FreakingEthan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 07 2014
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Work in a hotel and a guest got me today

Work at a conference hotel so we had a big group in house

Guest: Oh so who's this big group in the lobby?

Me: Why thats the American Heart Association sir

Guest: Ah well bless their heart

:facepalm:

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SoloDolo86
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 23 2014
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Had a friend tell me about a guest announcement for a convention

Friend: "Awesome guest announcement for a Melbourne convention. He voiced Mojo Jojo in the Powerpuff Girls and Ghostface"

Me: "I have no idea who or what Ghostface is"

Friend: "Scream"

Me: "I did, and I still have no idea who Ghostface is"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Humeon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 05 2014
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If the Queen of England farts during dinner, the rest of the guests must pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases should have no reaction.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 114
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 12 2019
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Royal etiquette: If Queen Elizabeth accidentally burps during dinner, the other guests must pretend that nothing happened.

Because Noble Gases shouldn’t have any reaction.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 112
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2018
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