We tried to invite Gandalf on our Road Trip…
But he told us to fly, fools
My son asked me to split his shift for chores around the house into two separate parts of the day so he be with his friends, but I refuse.
I just don’t halve time for this.
How do you start a party with the solar system?
You plan-it.
I wanted to get a poker game together for my birthday,
But with COVID I don’t think it’s in the cards.
My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.
I told him, "My door is always open".
Ugh, I have a huge file to decompress. This is going to take forever.
Sigh unzips
What do you get when you punch a polar bear in the nose?
Eaten
My buddy asked if he could crash on my couch tonight...
I had to explain to him that I was married now and that's where I sleep.
