I invited my hot date to the gym for a training session, but she didn't show up.
That's when I knew that we weren't going to work out.
Just been invited to the drummers convention.
He never bit on the burger invite...
After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, the goalkeeper invited us for a party afterwards.
It was the Father, the Son, and the Goalie host.
A girl invited me to have sex on her Honda Civic
But i like to have sex on my own Accord
I’m planning a paint themed party for my friend, any paint/art themed puns I can use for the invitations?
Why wasn't the scuba diver invited to the company's executive beach party?
Because he was below C-level.
Why did the fruits invite the mushroom as chief guest for their party?
Cause he seemed like a "fun-gi"
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
Why do mushrooms always get invited to parties?
Because they’re all fungi’s
Why Did the Anthropologist Get Invited to Every Fancy Dinner?
Turns out he was a man of culture.
My dad asked me to hand out invitations for my brothers surprise birthday party...
That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.
Tsunami invited Cyclone ,Earthquake and Drought to a tea party.
Nobody came.
Tsunami had a silent tea.
Sailing aboard the new cruise liner SS Penis is by invitation only.
It's an exclusive member ship.
My friends invited me to do drugs on the docks
The Pier pressure is heavy
For my birthday in mid-January, I invited a few friends over to a highly populated urban residential area consisting mostly of closely packed, decrepit housing units inhabited primarily by impoverished persons.
It's my first slum-brrrr party so wish us luck!
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person
I always thought he was only a theoretical physicist...
A friend invited me to his house for a party
When I arrived, his house was on fire. Damn, the party must be lit.
I invited the local farmer and his horse to my son's birthday party
They quickly became the centaur of attention
I'd invite Terry to the Halloween party, but I think he'll be terryfied
I know, I know, that was Terryble
My brother just had twins so I invited him to join the group.
We had a party for our office supplies today. We even invited the invisible ink.
My friend invited me over for dumplings this weekend.
I told her don’t worry about it, I know it’s a lot of wok.
My buddy invited me to go fishing with him.
But when he told me the fish were biting I said, “heck no!”
I sent an invitation to 40 of my German friends to come to my wedding
We love Indian food
Decided to cook our Chicken Korma recipe with potatoes, onions, etc. in our InstaPot. It was Instant Korma.
“Poor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
Jeffery Dahmer invites me to his home
He said “I could make you dinner!”
What did the Helium say when he was invited to the party?
He didn't have a reaction.
You should never invite big cats to a games night
They are dirty cheetahs, and if they deny they are, they are lion
I was once invited to a poker game in the ocean.
I didn’t go though, sounded kind of fishy.
I woke up yesterday to find that my wife had invited a bunch of journalists from Paris to help make breakfast..
I didn't mind. I love coffee from the French Press.
What did the tree say when he was invited to a party
I invited my guests to take a tour of my house
They asked me, "What's upstairs?"
I replied," Unfortunately, stairs don't talk."
Simon is in the school play and invites his parents, who don't think he'll be very good.
Halfway through the play, a floorboard breaks underneath Simon and he falls through. 'Don't worry' Simon's dad whispers to his mum 'it's just a stage he's going through!'
My archeologist buddy invited me to a party. Apparently the entertainment was looking for leg bones in his backyard.
One day I invited a friend of mine over to my apartment.
When he arrived, he saw a lot of decorations related to frogs and asked me why.
I said: "It's because I'm trying to pull a prank on my flatmate. I'm trying to see how long it takes him to realise that our apartment is filled with frogs."
My friend said: "It's a nice prank ngl. Has he been close to finding out you live with apartment full of frog decorations?"
I said: "Not yet but I'm really starting to panic."
He asked me why and I said: "Because this type of prank is not easy. It requires a lot of Kermit-ment"
My date was really excited when I invited her over for cocktails, but she left extremely disappointed.
She didn’t want to hear stories about my rooster.
A meat-loving king has a contest to find the next royal chef
A meat-loving king has a contest to find the next royal chef. He invites 3 renowned chefs from all over the kingdom to serve him and the favorite will become the new royal chef!
The first chef serves the king an enormous rack of ribs. "Very impressive," said the king.
The second chef serves a huge steak, cooked to perfection. "So satisfying," said the king.
The third chef gives the king a plate with small rocks on a bed of shredded cabbage. "What the hell is this," the king asks.
The third chef says, "These rocks fell from the sky into my back yard. Indeed, ribs and steak are very meaty, but asteroids are meteor!"
I wasn't invited to perform on the annual mushroom stand-up comedy show
I guess they must have realized I'm not a fungi.
After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party.
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
After my son’s team won the soccer game, the goalkeeper invited us to his house for a party.
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
After my son’s team won the tournament, the goalkeeper invited the two of us to a party afterwards.
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, their goalkeeper invited both of us to a party to celebrate.
It was the father, son, and the goalie host.
After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, the goalkeeper invited us for a party afterwards.
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
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