"Prose Before Hose"
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-switch/wp/2015/12/08/ibm-ends-campaign-urging-women-to-hack-hair-dryers-after-heated-blowback/?hpid=hp_hp-cards_hp-card-technology%3Ahomepage%2Fcard
Long time fan, first time poster.
Me: teacher can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: it’s may Me: no it’s not, it’s December
...a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
But when I do, I refrain!
I need vise vice advice.
Urine spire-d
It's just something I must do periodically.
Story time:
So over the holiday, while visiting my mom, she asked me to run and pick up some groceries she had on her shopping list. So of course, I pack up my kids and we are off to the store. As I am perusing the juice aisle, my daughter squeals, "ELSA!!!!" Sure enough, there was Elsa, on the label of a bottle of apple juice. I thought, "Apple juice is on the list and it will make my daughter happy? Boom getting it!" Fast forward to putting groceries away at my mom's house.
Mom: "Did you get everything on my list?"
Me: "Yes mom."
Mom: as I am handing her the Elsa apple juice "Oh I wanted you to get the frozen apple juice"
Me: my face shifting from a look of irritation to a stupid-cheesy smirk "That IS Frozen apple juice..."
Mom: fighting the urge to smack me while rolling her eyes "OMG."
I had to take a pew!
(x-post from /r/TalesFromRetail)
[was told I should post it here as well]
This happened shortly after I started back to work in retail.
My grocery shift had just started and I was about to begin facing one end of an aisle when I spotted a man in his mid to late 30s at the other end of the aisle. We made eye contact and he made a beeline straight for me.
Me: "Hi. How are you today?"
Him: "Do you know what to do if you get a sudden urge to strip off all your clothes and run around naked in public?"
Now, at this moment, I'm not sure what's happening. I can't pick up any clues from his body language that would indicate where this conversation is going to go. I'm a wee bit concerned that this man is about to start taking off his clothes in front of me. Not exactly what I had planned for the day. He's staring at me intently, waiting for a reply. I don't want to spook him, so I do the only thing I can think of and that's just to stand there and stare at him silently.
After a few seconds, he says to me "Just spray yourself down with Windex. It prevents streaking. Have a nice day!"
He grins and walks away. I started laughing (a little too hysterically ... mostly because of relief).
Turns out it was just a farts alarm
Cool until you get the urge to throw them over a cliff
But I still get the urge to go into the fridge and light up a slice.
A Call to Arms A Plead to the Limbless
The Armless are a stump among society and could easily achieve more. It’s bothersome that somebody with great potential could allow themselves to lose grip of what they aspire for. The radius of support and development that surrounds these people is astounding. Yet they bite the hand that feeds and throw away opportunities. With each passing day they are crippled by the errors in their ways. Not only are they not properly handling the situation, they are doing a disservice to society. Most will say to refrain from pointing fingers, but it is pertinent that we show them their faults.
All aside we should most certainly not try to elbow my way into their lives. However, if they were to branch off into their own progressive groups it would be most beneficial. And severance is a good thing between them and the public. This doesn't mean a complete amputation of them from society. Perhaps selective assistance will help these people find a well fitted sleeve within their communities. This process is difficult and lending a helping hand can make the difference.
On the other hand, we have those who don’t try to succeed. Their negligence is worthy of more than a mere slap on the wrist. When somebody refuses to apply themselves, they are holding back progress. By giving themselves mental limitation they are creating a prosthetic disability they must abide by. The majority of working to achieve goals is believing you can reach out and grab them. But, somebody who gives up is cutting themselves short of success Seeing somebody give up is the furthest thing from being humerus. Urging these people is a necessity, otherwise they will never try their hardest, encourage them to use some elbow grease and put forth full effort. Any small contribution is better than being a detriment, community service, obtaining greater education, enlisting in the armed forces, these all benefit society. Drastic changes of this scale are sure to cause discontent, grab a tissue if need be, but never give up. For all those that are currently wasting away without contribution, it's time to limb’er up and take charge.
My dad couldn't resist the urge, and so, he shouted out:
"That's remarkable!"
Snow white is rummaging through things in the house when the seven dwarves urge her to stay out of a certain chest. She opens it to find it filled with booze, to which she says,
"You dwarves shouldn't be drinking! You're miners!"
So I was cycling back from high school one day and I fell off my bike. Nothing major happened, just a few scratches and a torn pair of jeans. I get home and walk through the front door, and my dad is sitting in his armchair peering over his newspaper. Dad: What happened? Did you fall in a deep fryer? Me: What? No, I.. Dad: It's just you look pretty battered Me: .... Just a side-note, he did check I was fine afterwards. I guess the urge was just too strong
So after ordering my food, I am standing to the side waiting on my meal. The lady behind the counter looks at a few of us and says, "I'm tired." I couldn't resist the urge... I replied "Hi tired, I'm the Hash_Slingin_Slasha."
Queue simultaneous silent groan from everyone within a 20' radius.
I work at a law firm and called my dad. When the conversation was over my dad dad-joked me pretty well.
Me: "Well I need to get back to work and finish this brief."
Dad: "Well if you're busy I'll resist the urge to make an underwear joke."
This guy I work with has been talking to this girl who does this erotic acrobatics stuff, and he was describing her routine to us. Another co-worker goes "That sounds like Cirque-de-Soleil." I immediately followed with, "Yeah, and Greg is going to get Cirque-de-SO-LAID!" My inner dad urges outweighed my self-control.
a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
It's just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
a whim away, a whim away, a whim way, a whim away
A whim away a whim away a whim away
...is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
Is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
a whim away, a whim away, a whim way, a whim away
Is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
Whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away....
A whim away, a whim away a whim away a whim away a whim away
a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
A whim away. A whim away...
...a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away!
A whim away, a whim away, a whim away!
...but the urge is always just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
At any given time, the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away.
a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away......
the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is simply a whim away
The urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is always just a whim away.
