Because anywhere you go, it takes 4 or 5 hours
A coworker asks, "I'm swamped with work this week— what if I can't get around to it?"
Cutting my manager off I say, "You'll be sleeping with the phishers, see?"
[five second pause—queue collective groan]
...you have a lisp.
No dough and lots of cheese.
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
Currently sat in hospital with a concushion.
All around the globe
....and write "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH" on top.
A look of hopeful curiosity washed over her as she fell into my trap. "No, what?"
"Very SHADY things."
It must've reminded her that she had something else to do that was very important.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
But will she leave me ?
Find out next week.
Please grow up and solve your own problems.
A cycle path.
But a lot less Gore-y
I couldn't put it down.
As told by my son to my wife just now. The circle is complete.
She said to her therapist: "I feel like I am trapped in a room with no windows and gates"
It’s not stroganoff
A mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito.
My 11 year old daughter told me this one this evening lol.
Dad: "To avoid such questions."
So I checked my driver's license and reminded her.
"...40 second birthday". I was so proud.
Those were the GOODYEARS.
6:30, hands down.
Not this Sunday, but it is on a Sunday this year!
My foot.
Edit: Thanks a lot guys for the awards and upvotes. ;) :)
Because I want to poutine my mouth.
Two tired.
No need to remind her every half hour.
He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.
He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.
When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.
“Something I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.
Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.
“That’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”
So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.
He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.
“Master Yoda!” he asks. “What did I do wrong?”
Yoda replies sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”
It's a place where everyone knows your name.
It's a total ripoff!
Its grate and all but it's a bit cheesy!
Because the best jokes are always in the comets.
I’ll be sure to remind her to always let the Man-go.
Lionel: Hello, is it Mi you are looking for?
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house...
Runs until Friday
You can't hear an enzyme
Because dawn is tough on Greece.
Swordfish.
