Seller : I like you from my head TO-MA-TOES
It was not a Sellers market
The baby donkey market is difficult to get into and takes a lot of work because it's a small-ass business.
The seller said, “Oh, that last one is a freebee!”
He started raisin his prices
Apparently camera film is photosensitive
... he was a petrified florist.
It was a pop quiz
Everybody's buying it.
Because it's an egg-seller ant
Turns out he's a short seller.
He was a stellar cellar seller
A guy walks into a store and asks an employee where the bug spray is.
The employee, who just so happened to be currently stocking bug spray, tells the customer it's right here.
The guy then thanks the employee but then asks him to recommend one as he is not sure which one is better.
The employee smiles, then pulls a can of bug spray off the shelf and tells the guy that this is a good one and one of their best sellers.
The guy looks unsure, so the employee asks if something is wrong with it.
The guy replies that he's not sure but it feels like something is Off about this brand.
(Explanation: there is a bug spray brand called Off)
So I had a great chain of old jokes today in my morning meeting.
I started with "I bought a violin from a one armed seller yesterday. He said he played it by ear".
As the meeting progressed, I realized I could chain additional jokes together. 10 minutes later I followed up with it, "That one armed violin seller... he has a sister named Katrina. She's missing a leg so she likes to call herself I-Lean". The room laughed and there were many people who said "that's kinda wrong".
Then I followed up with, "Well she's not as bad off as her dad. The dad's missing two legs. When he goes in the swimming pool, they call him Bob."
And then I finished with, "But he still likes to water ski. When he does, they call him Skip".
It's funny because it all chains together.
We sell wooden soap dishes, made of various kinds of wood, as part of our business. When I get asked which is our best seller, I pick one up and say "This one is real poplar."
Me:(holding poplar board) This is one of our biggest sellers
Me: Yep, it's one of our most poplar items!
*cue groans *
Me: Sorry, I feel like I made an ash of myself with that joke. I was just pining for attention.
Dad: "Lot's of corn you guys got on this farm!"
Seller: "We sure do, been in the family business for many years now."
Dad: "Could be a little creepy with all the corn....stalking us!"
Dad: "Sorry, just a little corny jokes :D "
We left extremely embarrassed and never bought the land. (edit, formatting)
So he finds the man who owns the horse. The owner takes him to the stable. The buyer asks to take the horse for a test ride.
"Okay," says the owner. "But I'm a retired church pastor. The horse will only go forward if you say, 'Praise the lord.' He will only stop moving if you say 'Hallelujah.' "
Feeling annoyed, the buyer says "That's fine," and he gets up on the horse. After the seller returns to the house, the buyer, mounted on the horse, whips the reins and says, "Hiyah!!" The horse doesn't move. "Yah," he said, spurring the horse. Still no movement. Feeling a little embarrassed and stupid, he complied to the owner's instruction. "Praise the Lord," he mumbled, and the horse began quickly trotting away from the stable.
Wow, the buyer thought, excited. I wonder how fast this horse can go. "Praise the Lord," he said, this time at normal volume. The horse sped up considerably.
Amazing! I must have this horse! the buyer thought.... keep reading on reddit ➡
In sitting with our real estate agent the other night, he mentioned "you're good fodder" for proposing us as buyers to the sellers of our (now) newly purchased home.
I responded with "I know I'm a good fodder, but don't forget about the good mudder sitting next to me!"
Wife's instant eye roll and very vocal "ughhh" was enough to compel me to leave this here...