How will a tomato seller will tell his girl that he likes her ?

Seller : I like you from my head TO-MA-TOES

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HahaNotSoFunnycom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
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I tried to sell my old Peter Sellers DVDs the other day but failed to get the price I was asking

It was not a Sellers market

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arrow-s
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
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What did the middleman say when the buyer asked him to pass the money onto the seller?

I conduit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/C_Giraffe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
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The baby donkey market is not appealing to sellers

The baby donkey market is difficult to get into and takes a lot of work because it's a small-ass business.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Fat_Hydra
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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An aspiring beekeeper went to a farmer’s market to pick up a small hive. They placed an order for a dozen bees. When picking up the bees, the seller handed them a case of thirteen bees. Noticing the extra bee, the keeper pointed it out to the seller.

The seller said, β€œOh, that last one is a freebee!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gothwhopper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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What did the fruit seller do when his grapes dried out

He started raisin his prices

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πŸ‘€︎ u/epicgamer927
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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I tried to buy some Polaroid camera film on Amazon but there weren't any images of the products. I asked the seller why that was and he said he didn't want to embarrass his film because it was camera shy.

Apparently camera film is photosensitive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peon2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Did you hear about the flower seller who got held up at gun point...

... he was a petrified florist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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Breaking News: A turtleneck seller is to appear in court for selling his turtlenecks to the public, and just killing so many turtles. And sweater or not he wins, he was really a bad salesman.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BitGouda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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What's the best seller at the Mexican carpet store?

UNDERLAY, UNDERLAY!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dacs1306
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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What did the Mexican carpet seller yell to all his customers??

Underlay! Underlay!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-think-Im-funny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
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The store held blind taste tests of its brand against the national best seller.

It was a pop quiz

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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Y'all hear about the habitual liar who allegedly published a best-seller?

Everybody's buying it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megaletoemahs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
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Why does an ovum-dealing hymentoptera make things faster?

Because it's an egg-seller ant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_ze_
πŸ“…︎ May 24
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Why did Danny DeVito sell all of his stocks?

Turns out he's a short seller.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
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This contractor knocked on my door today and convinced me to invest in wine storage

He was a stellar cellar seller

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadlifememes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
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I need some bug spray.

A guy walks into a store and asks an employee where the bug spray is.

The employee, who just so happened to be currently stocking bug spray, tells the customer it's right here.

The guy then thanks the employee but then asks him to recommend one as he is not sure which one is better.

The employee smiles, then pulls a can of bug spray off the shelf and tells the guy that this is a good one and one of their best sellers.

The guy looks unsure, so the employee asks if something is wrong with it.

The guy replies that he's not sure but it feels like something is Off about this brand.

(Explanation: there is a bug spray brand called Off)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PurpsJL
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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Joke chain...

So I had a great chain of old jokes today in my morning meeting.

I started with "I bought a violin from a one armed seller yesterday. He said he played it by ear".

As the meeting progressed, I realized I could chain additional jokes together. 10 minutes later I followed up with it, "That one armed violin seller... he has a sister named Katrina. She's missing a leg so she likes to call herself I-Lean". The room laughed and there were many people who said "that's kinda wrong".

Then I followed up with, "Well she's not as bad off as her dad. The dad's missing two legs. When he goes in the swimming pool, they call him Bob."

And then I finished with, "But he still likes to water ski. When he does, they call him Skip".

It's funny because it all chains together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLe99
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
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Made a dadjoke instead of a sale. Wooden you?

We sell wooden soap dishes, made of various kinds of wood, as part of our business. When I get asked which is our best seller, I pick one up and say "This one is real poplar."

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2015
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Woodn't you laugh?

Me:(holding poplar board) This is one of our biggest sellers

Coworker: really?

Me: Yep, it's one of our most poplar items!

*cue groans *

Me: Sorry, I feel like I made an ash of myself with that joke. I was just pining for attention.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Norsbane
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2016
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Looking to buy some farmland north of Minneapolis/St. Paul in 1996

Dad: "Lot's of corn you guys got on this farm!"

Seller: "We sure do, been in the family business for many years now."

Dad: "Could be a little creepy with all the corn....stalking us!"

Seller: "......"

Dad: "Sorry, just a little corny jokes :D "

We left extremely embarrassed and never bought the land. (edit, formatting)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_brotato
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2016
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A man goes to buy a horse (long)

So he finds the man who owns the horse. The owner takes him to the stable. The buyer asks to take the horse for a test ride.

 

"Okay," says the owner. "But I'm a retired church pastor. The horse will only go forward if you say, 'Praise the lord.' He will only stop moving if you say 'Hallelujah.' "

 

Feeling annoyed, the buyer says "That's fine," and he gets up on the horse. After the seller returns to the house, the buyer, mounted on the horse, whips the reins and says, "Hiyah!!" The horse doesn't move. "Yah," he said, spurring the horse. Still no movement. Feeling a little embarrassed and stupid, he complied to the owner's instruction. "Praise the Lord," he mumbled, and the horse began quickly trotting away from the stable.

 

Wow, the buyer thought, excited. I wonder how fast this horse can go. "Praise the Lord," he said, this time at normal volume. The horse sped up considerably.

 

Amazing! I must have this horse! the buyer thought.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/littlekuribandit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2017
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Fodder

In sitting with our real estate agent the other night, he mentioned "you're good fodder" for proposing us as buyers to the sellers of our (now) newly purchased home.

I responded with "I know I'm a good fodder, but don't forget about the good mudder sitting next to me!"

Wife's instant eye roll and very vocal "ughhh" was enough to compel me to leave this here...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubstylee43
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2016
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