Where did Captain Hook purchase his hook...
My aunt Marie has been keeping track of her frozen dinner purchases.
It's Marie's Marie Callender's calendar.
I just bought a new treadmill today and I’m not sure how to process this monumental purchase.
I guess I’ll take it one step at a time.
My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then she sat on it.
Eventually she came around.
How do you purchase a hair piece that you’re going to share with someone
My wife returned a package of pantyhose that she bought online, but they only refunded 90% of the purchase price...
...they claimed the 10% was a re-stocking fee.
Why aren't people in Norway able to purchase anything?
I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
There are reports that, because of the covid outbreak, Rick Astley is hoarding copies of a 2009 Pixar film, and all albums by a southern metal band from New Orleans. He is not allowing anyone to borrow them. It's also said that Mr. Astley is refusing to go out and purchase cake for others.
To summarize:
He's never gonna give you Up
Never gonna lend you Down
Never gonna run around, and dessert you.
Me (at the numbers store): “Can I please purchase all of these averages?”
Clerk: “Sure, buy all means”
Admittedly a median joke, at best.
Usually I pick the Royal Mail as a deliverer for my purchases
It's because they do it door-tudor
My store gives Spanish-speaking men 5% off every purchase.
I finally decided to purchase stock in cannabis.
The company is really growing.
The guy at 7 eleven asked if I wanted 10 free packs of Tic-Tacs with my purchase, and I asked him under what condition?
If You're Thinking About Making a Purchase ...
... does that make you buy-curious?
My new fan purchase has truly blown me away
Store clerk: “So, are you sure you want to purchase this pillow?”
“I think I’m going to sleep on it.”
My store is giving away a first aid bag with the purchase of 3 health items.
The health items aren’t much, but the bag is a big plus!
When I wanted to buy a helicopter, my wife said I shouldn't make impulsive purchases.
I said, "You're right! I should take it out for a spin first."
If I purchase something from Microsoft Store,
I simply had to purchase the new hat of matted wool!
What is the one fruit you cannot purchase by itself?
My favorite brand of almonds is offering a free tank of gasoline with every purchase
Blue Diamond Fill-Ups have been a big hit
How do Australian chess pieces pay for large purchases?
Me: "Hey John, people keep thinking I'm going to purchase beef for them."
John: "Buy me steak?"
Me: "Not you too."
I went to Cole's this morning to buy cabbage, apparently its a legal requirement for me to also purchase carrots and mayonnaise when purchasing cabbage.
A duck walks into the pharmacy to purchase chapstick
And asks the cashier to put it on his bill
Every single time my dad makes a purchase...
and it's between $15.00 - $19.99, he says, "That was a good year." Then proceeds to completely make up a fact about it.
"That'll be $18.84." "That was a good year. They invented steel wool that year."
The look on the workers face is priceless, and is always followed by, "Really?!" Then my dad laughs and says no.
Why couldn’t the cantaloupe purchase a firearm?
Because he was a convicted melon.
Little brother makes a purchase
I'm talking to my younger brother on the phone and he tells me that he used his Best Buy gift card. He debated on Beats headphones but decided on Bose. "You made a sound decision little bro".
Forbidden to purchase food, Euclid's elementary algebraic solution.
Paul McCartney grew irritated that he couldn't purchase a call girl with impressionist paintings
He said, "I don't care too much for Monet. Monet can't buy me love."
I made a purchase at a second-hand store that added up to $20.16
I complained to the lady that that was last year's price.
She laughed after a few moments of confusion. Was nice to see the smile on her face.
Happy Monday!
A Target cashier commented on my purchase
I was buying Goat Simulator as a gag gift for a friend. The cashier looks at it and I smile uncomfortably. He says, "Don't be sheepish about buying this".
What do you call it when the Big Lebowski does his research before making a purchase?
Some joker lost his book logging all of his chocolate-covered English toffee bar purchases.
Where did Captain Hook purchase his hook?
I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
I told my friend people keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them…
He asked, “By mistake?”
I said, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
My wife hated my impulse purchase of a new revolving chair. But then she sat on it.
Eventually she came around.
I told my friend people keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I said, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then she sat on it.
Eventually she came around.
I told my friend people keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I said, “Oh come on! Not you too?!”
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