My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
The price of balloons have me stalling on purchasing more.
That price of inflation is something else!
A fat man came into the store trying to decide if he wanted a hammock. He laid down in the display model and I tried pushing him so he could feel what it was like to gently rock. I wasn't strong enough. He left without purchasing it.
Today, I checked out at the store, but the cashier kept taking pictures of herself with each item I was purchasing...
I'll never go thru the selfie checkout again!
Purchasing bees
Customer: I asked for 7 bees but you’ve given me 8?
Pet shop owner: yep, that’s a freebie :)
I don’t know why people aren’t purchasing my discount marionettes!
There are no strings attached!
I personally witnessed Roseanne purchasing a new Tempur-Pedic mattress.
That’s one memory foam I bet wishes it could forget.
Purchasing Viagra is the best way to stimulate the economy
On my way in to the supermarket, a gentleman peddling coffins asked if I was interested in purchasing one. “A coffin?” I said.
“That’s the last thing I need!”
I've been thinking of purchasing a new watch
It's a time consuming process
I went to Cole's this morning to buy cabbage, apparently its a legal requirement for me to also purchase carrots and mayonnaise when purchasing cabbage.
I was at a thrift store and the guy ahead of me was purchasing an antique urn made in Greece
He asked the cashier if she knew how much a Greek urns.
While purchasing some items from a supermarket
" Are the socks alright by themselves?"
" Well, they're paired up so they won't get lonely"
Checkout lady chokes back a laugh, and comments that all the socks have girlfriends.
Ughh..shut up and bill my purchase...
Where did Captain Hook purchase his hook...
Today I purchased an inexpensive watering tube.
For some reason, my wife gets upset when I say I bought some cheap hose.
My aunt Marie has been keeping track of her frozen dinner purchases.
It's Marie's Marie Callender's calendar.
I purchased a new kitchen sink and the delivery man never told me he left in on my doorstep. Sat there all day
I purchased $1000 in Bose stock today
My accountant said it would be a sound investment.
I got fired today because a customer wanted to buy a bagel with cream cheese....
I told them we only accept cash.
Yesterday I purchased a world map and put it on the wall in the kitchen
I gave my wife a dart and said:" Throw this and, wherever it lands, i'll take you there for a holiday."
Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then she sat on it.
Eventually she came around.
I just purchased an electric car.
Do I need a current license?
I just bought a new treadmill today and I’m not sure how to process this monumental purchase.
I guess I’ll take it one step at a time.
A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
I hear there's a new strain of Covid infecting people who recently purchased a vehicle.
They're calling it the car owner virus.
I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo
It was great. She’s a keeper.
While traveling internationally , I purchased a new car made in Prague for pretty cheap...
When I first started it, the Czech engine light came on!
I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
My wife returned a package of pantyhose that she bought online, but they only refunded 90% of the purchase price...
...they claimed the 10% was a re-stocking fee.
How do you purchase a hair piece that you’re going to share with someone
Why aren't people in Norway able to purchase anything?
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
If he turns right, the purchaser becomes purchaser rights
I recently purchased a set of wind chimes.
So far it’s a pretty sound investment.
There are reports that, because of the covid outbreak, Rick Astley is hoarding copies of a 2009 Pixar film, and all albums by a southern metal band from New Orleans. He is not allowing anyone to borrow them. It's also said that Mr. Astley is refusing to go out and purchase cake for others.
To summarize:
He's never gonna give you Up
Never gonna lend you Down
Never gonna run around, and dessert you.
Friend purchased a wooden motorcycle. Wooden frame, wooden engine, wooden wheels. I asked if they had ridden it and they said no...
Me (at the numbers store): “Can I please purchase all of these averages?”
Clerk: “Sure, buy all means”
Admittedly a median joke, at best.
I felt bad for eating my Jewish friend's coin shaped chocolate candy he had purchased to given his children at Hanukkah...
Pangs of gelt haunt me to this day!
I asked my dad, “Why do you keep buying vinyl?”
He said, “Records...are always a sound purchase.”
I thought it was pretty good.
So a Ute pulls into work with a massive turkey on the back in a cage. When the driver steps out to make their purchase I say: “I don’t know what you’re feeding that dog but he looks terrible!”
She didn’t even give me a courtesy laugh.
I used to know how to throw a boomerang
It's not coming back to me now.
Purchased a new dyson stick vacuum with my girlfriend today..
As we paid the clerk asked if we would like a large bag for it. I instantly responded with "oh. I thought these new vacuums are bagless?".
Massive sigh from my girlfriend and not even a chuckle from the attendant.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
Where did Captain Hook purchase his hook?
I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
I told my friend people keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them…
He asked, “By mistake?”
I said, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
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