He got caught picking his nose!
You buy the one that sucks the most
It helps them get faster into net
I call it meal estate.
They were going cheep
He said “You need help.”
I said “No, I’ve already got that one”
I have to decide if I have $20 to burn.
They'll use it for the launch of the new iFawn.
One could say it was a sub-lime experience.
I need to concentrate.
"Here's your Nickleback."
He's really upping the ante
I think I'll sleep on it.
“Are these knickers satin?" "No” she said, “They’re brand new...”
Together we can stop the spread.
Because they always go to waist
It's the Wurst Käse scenario
Credit: Twitter, Bruce Lawson (@brucel)
The options vary greatly- it’s never a this oar that situation
I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"
He said "You need help."
"I've got that one." I replied.
Don't buy any kind of fungi. They take up too mushroom.
This is a most heavy decision.
Turns out...it was a safe purchase.
Oh, put a sock in it!
Your mileage may vary
It’ll be my Civic duty.
I do hope she doesn’t make a habit of it
He asked for CopPorn instead.
"Sounds like you need help." "No, I already have that one."
Sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
But it just made scents to me.
It’s only been used from time to time.
It's not me, iReddit somewhere.
It was the perfect meet cute and we kept both copies even after getting married. It was sweet. Not all things are meant to last and when things got a bit rocky we decided to get divorced. I let her keep the apartment and moved my stuff out. Unfortunately, we live in one of those states that mail out ballots. She sent me a text a week after I had left to let me know my ballot had come to the apartment. We had ended things amicably, but neither of us wanted to see each other so soon. Committed to my civic duty, I dropped by after work the next day. When she opened the door she was in tears. She had me come in and I immediately saw it, I had forgotten to take my copy of the movie. Somehow, this felt more final than actually signing the divorce papers. I still cared about her, so I asked if she wanted to talk at all. She shook her head and said through tears, “Just take your Up, vote and go.”
Her: How expensive?
Me: I dunno. Maybe $25,000.
Her: You could buy a car for that!
Me: That's a bit excessive -- I don't think it needs its own car.
It was Toulouse.
I call it my hedge fund
They dont want any cases
Got some snickers.
Will you marinade?
The Wurst Kase scenario
I’m calling it Vista la Hosta, baby!
The owner took them around the ground floor and everything looked perfect, even more so for the low price. The couple were suspicious that they saw no sign of anything supernatural, yet. The owner was pleasant and a little excited when showing them the house, until they got to the stairs. The woman stopped and looked incredibly uncomfortable as she stalled for time. Growing impatient, the couple asked her:
"Not much, what's up with you?" replied the stairs.
But I heard the ice cream market is a rocky road
But I wish someone would get to the bottom of it.
Be sure to sleep on it.