I used to be a doorbell salesman

It was a hard knock life

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forrestree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
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What did the car salesman say when he left the party?

β€œI’m Audi!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JammerJake2005
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
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Car salesman: So it's a great car, everything you need

Customer: Cargo space?

Car salesman: Car no go space, car go road.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Malborohoho
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
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Never trust a shoe salesman who doubles as a drug dealer

As a sole provider they'll likely get you something that's laced.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/C0DEWzard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
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I got fired on my first day as a car salesman.

Customer: "Cargo space?"

Me: "No, car no fly, car go roads"

Manager: "Can I see you in my office?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
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I went to a open home and the retail salesman showed me around.

I asked the retail salesman "what's up stairs?"

He replied "no, the stairs dont talk"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/C9SF-Dr0p
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
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A door to door salesman knocked on my door and before I could say anything he said, "A person's regular occupation, profession, or trade..."

Just from the first sentence, I knew he meant business.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prototype273
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
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You know what I said to the salesman today who tried to sell me a coffin?

That's the last thing I need.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
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I tried having a conversation with the rudest car salesman ever.

He just kept saying he had 0% interest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shimmywaffles
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
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(I seriously don't get this) A traveling salesman was driving in the country when his car broke down

He hiked several miles to a farmhouse, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay overnight.

β€œSure,” said the farmer, β€œmy wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are twenty-one and twenty-three, but they’re off to college, and I’m all by myself, so I have lots of room to put you up.”

Hearing this, the salesman turned around and started walking back toward the highway.

The farmer called after him,β€œDidn’t you hear what I said? I have lots of room.”

β€œI heard you,” said the salesman, β€œbut I think I’m in the wrong joke.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 31
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From The Simpsons S30E03, My Way Or the Highway to Heaven, in which Ned is a trampoline salesman. The Simpsons writers surely love their puns. This is even funnier given Net's straight-laced nature and what the sign unwittingly implies. A classic double entendre.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mutedloquacity
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
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I recently tried on some new shoes and I told the salesman they felt a bit snug. He told me to try pulling the tongue.

β€œOK,” I said, β€œbuth I don’th know how thith will helpth”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mlucasr
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
What does a shady furniture salesman sell?

Bunk beds

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DonVonTaters_IV
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
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I was looking for a new car and I asked the salesman about cargo space...

He said: car no do that, car no fly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bringojackprot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
The salesman asked me , β€œso which mattress do you want?”.

I said , β€œit’s a big decision, I need to sleep on it”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riverrat423
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
Why was the ghost Salesman happy?

His business was boo-ming

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaRealDannyDevito
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
I walked into a car showroom in Texas and asked if they had any German cars. The salesman said β€œAudi?” ...

I said β€œHello, do you have any German cars?”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?

He finally found the scoop he was looking for.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
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In addition to fixing customers shoes, the local cobbler moonlighted as a shoe salesman...

He often found old used shoes in thrift stores and re-soled them.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
A perfume salesman was trying to sell me a bunch of odorless cologne.

I thought it was total non scents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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What’s a used car salesman’s favorite Mexican food?

Carnitas (Car-need-us)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_fuge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
I once met Meatloaf when I was working as a car salesman.

He came in looking for a small coupe for his wife’s forthcoming birthday. He found one he liked and we completed a test drive together. The car was listed at Β£28,000 plus tax. He was deep in thought looking around the car but unfortunately for me he decided not to buy it. I was in my 20s, had a young family and working a commission only job so a couple of days later I rang him to see if anything could be done. He was keen on the car but didn’t like the Β£28,000 plus tax price tag. I assured him that this was a great price for the car, however he said that it wasn’t so much the price of the car, it was more the tax. He said, β€˜I’d do anything for love, but I won’t do VAT’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CromulentDucky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
A snail went to a car dealership and bought the flashiest, fasted, most eye-catching car they had. The snail then special ordered β€œS”s to be printed all over the car. The salesman asked why all the β€œS”s, the snail replied:

When people watch me drive by they’ll say β€œLook at that S-car-go”

(A joke my dad told me many many years ago)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FemaleDadClone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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You should see the face of the credit card salesman after I turned down all his offers...

He was in tiers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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I don't always take phone calls from shady processed meat salesman.

When I do its usually a Spam Risk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I was sat next to an insurance salesman at a Robbie Williams last night.

And through it all, he offered me protection!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pmak13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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What do you call an introverted salesman?

Poor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cltdawg08
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a washed-up trashcan salesman?

A has bin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/glittertongue
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the nut salesman who only accepted credit cards say?

Cash? Ew!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/compass853
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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Do you know why I was pissed off with the car salesman ?

He said he can make the sale but has zero percent interest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vshesha
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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What does the soup salesman drive?

A Toyota Soupra

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robocommander
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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I keep telling people I'm quite the salesman

But they don't buy it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Velcro Salesman

A Velcro salesman knocked on my door and said I should be using Velcro to tie my stuff down. I told him I would rather knot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Driconian
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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I'm a successful salesman for mobile internet contracts

But every time I visit the countryside I get soft and lose my edge

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πŸ‘€︎ u/D0tBlue
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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My dad is a real estate salesman. Today he tripped and fell on my sister...

He broker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/khosa01
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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I lost my job as a sniper salesman.

I kept missing my targets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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Breaking News: A turtleneck seller is to appear in court for selling his turtlenecks to the public, and just killing so many turtles. And sweater or not he wins, he was really a bad salesman.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BitGouda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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Why did the blinds salesman get audited by the IRS?

His business operations were shady

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πŸ‘€︎ u/troxosaurus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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I've been offered a job as a mirror salesman...

I can really see myself doing that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/who_movedmycheese
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
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Did you hear about the car salesman who tried making a deal with the devil?

He couldn't a Ford to sell his Soul.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToonyCream
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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Would a street-side Bicycle salesman be considered a peddler?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steelfoot1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
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I was a ladder salesman, but i had to step down because i was always high at work.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpunkMasterPepe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
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The salesman asks me " Do you want this pamphlet?"

I reply: "Brochure!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anudeep30
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I was shopping for a tuxedo, and I had to tell the pushy salesman to leave me alone.

He said, β€œFine. Suit yourself.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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When I was younger, my girlfriend ran off with a tractor salesman

A couple of week later she sent me a John Deere letter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elucify
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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Just got a job at a stingy company as a toilet paper salesman. How you may ask?

A-ply

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VileButtFace
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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I was hoping to buy a new car but I was after decent onboard storage so after the salesman specified lots of features about it, I asked "Cargo space?"

He replied "Car no do that, car no fly"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJimsicle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
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What did the Indian salesman say?

Please Dubai

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDestroyer575
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was the roof salesman so bad at his job?

He wasn't very good at ceiling the deal

Edit: a word

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chelseadaggered
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2016
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I've been offered a job as a balaclava salesman...

But I think they're pulling the wool over my eyes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/who_movedmycheese
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m not happy being a glue salesman.....

But I’ll stick with it

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2017
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I just got my new job as a vacuum cleaner salesman. I asked my boss if I had any sales quota

And he said β€œno, we work in a negative pressure business”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkofLight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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My friend wants to become a pontoon salesman.

I told him "Whatever floats your boat!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackjackCoolio
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I picked out a color of grey paint the other day, I guess the salesman didn't like it.

He just said "Oh, the hue manatee."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juggilinjnuggala
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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The furniture salesman keeps calling me

All I wanted was one night stand

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cool_guy_joe654
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the uncircumcised penis say to the insurance salesman?

"I'm already covered."

edit: shameless plug - wrinkledforeskin.wordpress.com

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoldenChristian
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2015
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A car salesman is trying to sell a truck

A car salesman is trying to sell a truck, and finally someone comes onto his lot looking for a large work truck. The saleman greets the man, and the man immediately explains his need. The salesman directs him over to the truck. The man begins looking over this truck, scrutinizing ever detail. Eventually he turns to the salesman and says "the truck looks fantastic. Because i need to tow a lot of heavy equipment, i will not be buying the truck". The saleman is floored. "But sir, the truck has a wonderful engine, big enough to haul some of the heaviest of trailers and loads!" The man replies "yes, but theres just one small hitch".

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2015
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The salesman at the store tried to get me to buy protection for my phone

I thought they made a pretty good case...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benretan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2015
🚨︎ report
We were out browsing for sleep number beds, and dad let this loose on the salesman.

"What do you call twins conceived on a waterbed? "Off springs!"

Oh, dad. Your sense of humor can't hold water...

Shit, now he's got me doing it. Send help!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/barthm1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2014
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Dad joked a car salesman

Today I was at a Honda dealership finalizing a lease on my girlfriend's new car. The salesman was chatting us up and showed us a picture of his daughter. He says "This is my 2 year old daughter. Her name is Alexis". Without missing a beat I said "Alexis? Why didn't you name her a Honda?". Both the salesman and my girlfriend gave me the "oh no you didn't" look.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnyapplsede
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2014
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The Prayer Mat Salesman

My dad tells me this prayer mat salesman started putting bombs in the mats.

"His prophets are going through the roof "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Para11axis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2015
🚨︎ report
So my dad dropped this on a salesman today...

Buy one get one free? How about you just sell us the free one?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoPunIntended6996
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Why was the amplifier salesman able to have such low margins?

He did a volume business

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Auir2blaze
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2013
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?

He finally found the scoop he was looking for.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report

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