The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What did the handbag salesman say when he ran out of Camembert at his dinner party?
Sorry, we're all out of Guccis.
Salesman
I used to have a job selling exploding prayer mats.
Prophets were through the roof.
I want to start a career as a counterfeit poetry books salesman, but I'm still undecided.
There's lots of prose and cons.
My friend the pistol salesman joined a percussion group
He has his own Glock n’ spiel.
Which Pokémon is a door-to-door denture salesman?
Stay away from the aggressive pepper salesman...
A salesman said his windows were unbreakable, so I punched one. That hurt, but not nearly as much as the window falling off the display and landing on my head. Unfortunately I can't sue...
...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.
I told the salesman I was looking for something cheap, manufactured by Ford, and preferably with a retractable roof...
He directed me to the affordable section
Never trust a shoe salesman who doubles as a drug dealer
As a sole provider they'll likely get you something that's laced.
You know what I said to the salesman today who tried to sell me a coffin?
That's the last thing I need.
I got fired on my first day as a car salesman.
Customer: "Cargo space?"
Me: "No, car no fly, car go roads"
Manager: "Can I see you in my office?"
I used to be a doorbell salesman
What did the car salesman say when he left the party?
I went to a open home and the retail salesman showed me around.
I asked the retail salesman "what's up stairs?"
He replied "no, the stairs dont talk"
A door to door salesman knocked on my door and before I could say anything he said, "A person's regular occupation, profession, or trade..."
Just from the first sentence, I knew he meant business.
I tried having a conversation with the rudest car salesman ever.
He just kept saying he had 0% interest.
(I seriously don't get this) A traveling salesman was driving in the country when his car broke down
He hiked several miles to a farmhouse, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay overnight.
“Sure,” said the farmer, “my wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are twenty-one and twenty-three, but they’re off to college, and I’m all by myself, so I have lots of room to put you up.”
Hearing this, the salesman turned around and started walking back toward the highway.
The farmer called after him,“Didn’t you hear what I said? I have lots of room.”
“I heard you,” said the salesman, “but I think I’m in the wrong joke.”
I recently tried on some new shoes and I told the salesman they felt a bit snug. He told me to try pulling the tongue.
“OK,” I said, “buth I don’th know how thith will helpth”
The salesman asked me , “so which mattress do you want?”.
I said , “it’s a big decision, I need to sleep on it”.
What does a shady furniture salesman sell?
I walked into a car showroom in Texas and asked if they had any German cars. The salesman said “Audi?” ...
I said “Hello, do you have any German cars?”
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Why was the ghost Salesman happy?
His business was boo-ming
In addition to fixing customers shoes, the local cobbler moonlighted as a shoe salesman...
He often found old used shoes in thrift stores and re-soled them.
A perfume salesman was trying to sell me a bunch of odorless cologne.
I thought it was total non scents.
What’s a used car salesman’s favorite Mexican food?
A snail went to a car dealership and bought the flashiest, fasted, most eye-catching car they had. The snail then special ordered “S”s to be printed all over the car. The salesman asked why all the “S”s, the snail replied:
When people watch me drive by they’ll say “Look at that S-car-go”
(A joke my dad told me many many years ago)
I once met Meatloaf when I was working as a car salesman.
He came in looking for a small coupe for his wife’s forthcoming birthday. He found one he liked and we completed a test drive together. The car was listed at £28,000 plus tax. He was deep in thought looking around the car but unfortunately for me he decided not to buy it. I was in my 20s, had a young family and working a commission only job so a couple of days later I rang him to see if anything could be done. He was keen on the car but didn’t like the £28,000 plus tax price tag. I assured him that this was a great price for the car, however he said that it wasn’t so much the price of the car, it was more the tax. He said, ‘I’d do anything for love, but I won’t do VAT’
You should see the face of the credit card salesman after I turned down all his offers...
I was sat next to an insurance salesman at a Robbie Williams last night.
And through it all, he offered me protection!
What do you call an introverted salesman?
What do you call a washed-up trashcan salesman?
I don't always take phone calls from shady processed meat salesman.
When I do its usually a Spam Risk.
What did the nut salesman who only accepted credit cards say?
Do you know why I was pissed off with the car salesman ?
He said he can make the sale but has zero percent interest
What does the soup salesman drive?
Velcro Salesman
A Velcro salesman knocked on my door and said I should be using Velcro to tie my stuff down. I told him I would rather knot.
I keep telling people I'm quite the salesman
I'm a successful salesman for mobile internet contracts
But every time I visit the countryside I get soft and lose my edge
My dad is a real estate salesman. Today he tripped and fell on my sister...
Breaking News: A turtleneck seller is to appear in court for selling his turtlenecks to the public, and just killing so many turtles. And sweater or not he wins, he was really a bad salesman.
I lost my job as a sniper salesman.
I kept missing my targets.
I've been offered a job as a mirror salesman...
I can really see myself doing that.
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Car salesman: So it's a great car, everything you need
Customer: Cargo space?
Car salesman: Car no go space, car go road.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
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