The salesman at the furniture store told me, β€œThis sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”

I said, β€œWhere the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the handbag salesman say when he ran out of Camembert at his dinner party?

Sorry, we're all out of Guccis.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kartenhouse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Salesman

I used to have a job selling exploding prayer mats.

Prophets were through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/syhendrickson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to start a career as a counterfeit poetry books salesman, but I'm still undecided.

There's lots of prose and cons.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SumFunnyOne
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend the pistol salesman joined a percussion group

He has his own Glock n’ spiel.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aphex-Puddle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Which PokΓ©mon is a door-to-door denture salesman?

Pikachu

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whosevelt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Stay away from the aggressive pepper salesman...

He’ll get jalapeΓ±o face.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/offsky
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A salesman said his windows were unbreakable, so I punched one. That hurt, but not nearly as much as the window falling off the display and landing on my head. Unfortunately I can't sue...

...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I told the salesman I was looking for something cheap, manufactured by Ford, and preferably with a retractable roof...

He directed me to the affordable section

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kTim314
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Never trust a shoe salesman who doubles as a drug dealer

As a sole provider they'll likely get you something that's laced.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C0DEWzard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
You know what I said to the salesman today who tried to sell me a coffin?

That's the last thing I need.

πŸ‘︎ 741
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I got fired on my first day as a car salesman.

Customer: "Cargo space?"

Me: "No, car no fly, car go roads"

Manager: "Can I see you in my office?"

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Car salesman: So it's a great car, everything you need

Customer: Cargo space?

Car salesman: Car no go space, car go road.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Malborohoho
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to be a doorbell salesman

It was a hard knock life

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forrestree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the car salesman say when he left the party?

β€œI’m Audi!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JammerJake2005
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a open home and the retail salesman showed me around.

I asked the retail salesman "what's up stairs?"

He replied "no, the stairs dont talk"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C9SF-Dr0p
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A door to door salesman knocked on my door and before I could say anything he said, "A person's regular occupation, profession, or trade..."

Just from the first sentence, I knew he meant business.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prototype273
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried having a conversation with the rudest car salesman ever.

He just kept saying he had 0% interest.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shimmywaffles
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
(I seriously don't get this) A traveling salesman was driving in the country when his car broke down

He hiked several miles to a farmhouse, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay overnight.

β€œSure,” said the farmer, β€œmy wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are twenty-one and twenty-three, but they’re off to college, and I’m all by myself, so I have lots of room to put you up.”

Hearing this, the salesman turned around and started walking back toward the highway.

The farmer called after him,β€œDidn’t you hear what I said? I have lots of room.”

β€œI heard you,” said the salesman, β€œbut I think I’m in the wrong joke.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently tried on some new shoes and I told the salesman they felt a bit snug. He told me to try pulling the tongue.

β€œOK,” I said, β€œbuth I don’th know how thith will helpth”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mlucasr
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The salesman asked me , β€œso which mattress do you want?”.

I said , β€œit’s a big decision, I need to sleep on it”.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riverrat423
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a shady furniture salesman sell?

Bunk beds

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DonVonTaters_IV
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked into a car showroom in Texas and asked if they had any German cars. The salesman said β€œAudi?” ...

I said β€œHello, do you have any German cars?”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?

He finally found the scoop he was looking for.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the ghost Salesman happy?

His business was boo-ming

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaRealDannyDevito
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
In addition to fixing customers shoes, the local cobbler moonlighted as a shoe salesman...

He often found old used shoes in thrift stores and re-soled them.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A perfume salesman was trying to sell me a bunch of odorless cologne.

I thought it was total non scents.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s a used car salesman’s favorite Mexican food?

Carnitas (Car-need-us)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_fuge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A snail went to a car dealership and bought the flashiest, fasted, most eye-catching car they had. The snail then special ordered β€œS”s to be printed all over the car. The salesman asked why all the β€œS”s, the snail replied:

When people watch me drive by they’ll say β€œLook at that S-car-go”

(A joke my dad told me many many years ago)

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FemaleDadClone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I once met Meatloaf when I was working as a car salesman.

He came in looking for a small coupe for his wife’s forthcoming birthday. He found one he liked and we completed a test drive together. The car was listed at Β£28,000 plus tax. He was deep in thought looking around the car but unfortunately for me he decided not to buy it. I was in my 20s, had a young family and working a commission only job so a couple of days later I rang him to see if anything could be done. He was keen on the car but didn’t like the Β£28,000 plus tax price tag. I assured him that this was a great price for the car, however he said that it wasn’t so much the price of the car, it was more the tax. He said, β€˜I’d do anything for love, but I won’t do VAT’

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CromulentDucky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
You should see the face of the credit card salesman after I turned down all his offers...

He was in tiers

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I was sat next to an insurance salesman at a Robbie Williams last night.

And through it all, he offered me protection!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pmak13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an introverted salesman?

Poor.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cltdawg08
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a washed-up trashcan salesman?

A has bin

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glittertongue
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't always take phone calls from shady processed meat salesman.

When I do its usually a Spam Risk.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the nut salesman who only accepted credit cards say?

Cash? Ew!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/compass853
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why I was pissed off with the car salesman ?

He said he can make the sale but has zero percent interest

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vshesha
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the soup salesman drive?

A Toyota Soupra

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robocommander
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Velcro Salesman

A Velcro salesman knocked on my door and said I should be using Velcro to tie my stuff down. I told him I would rather knot.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Driconian
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I keep telling people I'm quite the salesman

But they don't buy it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm a successful salesman for mobile internet contracts

But every time I visit the countryside I get soft and lose my edge

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/D0tBlue
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad is a real estate salesman. Today he tripped and fell on my sister...

He broker

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/khosa01
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Breaking News: A turtleneck seller is to appear in court for selling his turtlenecks to the public, and just killing so many turtles. And sweater or not he wins, he was really a bad salesman.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BitGouda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost my job as a sniper salesman.

I kept missing my targets.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been offered a job as a mirror salesman...

I can really see myself doing that.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/who_movedmycheese
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
🚨︎ report
The salesman at the furniture store told me, β€œThis sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”

I said, β€œWhere the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

πŸ‘︎ 647
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?

He finally found the scoop he was looking for.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report

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