Customer: "Cargo space?"
Me: "No, car no fly, car go roads"
Manager: "Can I see you in my office?"
“I’m Audi!”
He just kept saying he had 0% interest.
He hiked several miles to a farmhouse, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay overnight.
“Sure,” said the farmer, “my wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are twenty-one and twenty-three, but they’re off to college, and I’m all by myself, so I have lots of room to put you up.”
Hearing this, the salesman turned around and started walking back toward the highway.
The farmer called after him,“Didn’t you hear what I said? I have lots of room.”
“I heard you,” said the salesman, “but I think I’m in the wrong joke.”
I said “Hello, do you have any German cars?”
When people watch me drive by they’ll say “Look at that S-car-go”
(A joke my dad told me many many years ago)
He came in looking for a small coupe for his wife’s forthcoming birthday. He found one he liked and we completed a test drive together. The car was listed at £28,000 plus tax. He was deep in thought looking around the car but unfortunately for me he decided not to buy it. I was in my 20s, had a young family and working a commission only job so a couple of days later I rang him to see if anything could be done. He was keen on the car but didn’t like the £28,000 plus tax price tag. I assured him that this was a great price for the car, however he said that it wasn’t so much the price of the car, it was more the tax. He said, ‘I’d do anything for love, but I won’t do VAT’
He said he can make the sale but has zero percent interest
He couldn't a Ford to sell his Soul.
He replied "Car no do that, car no fly"
A car salesman is trying to sell a truck, and finally someone comes onto his lot looking for a large work truck. The saleman greets the man, and the man immediately explains his need. The salesman directs him over to the truck. The man begins looking over this truck, scrutinizing ever detail. Eventually he turns to the salesman and says "the truck looks fantastic. Because i need to tow a lot of heavy equipment, i will not be buying the truck". The saleman is floored. "But sir, the truck has a wonderful engine, big enough to haul some of the heaviest of trailers and loads!" The man replies "yes, but theres just one small hitch".
Today I was at a Honda dealership finalizing a lease on my girlfriend's new car. The salesman was chatting us up and showed us a picture of his daughter. He says "This is my 2 year old daughter. Her name is Alexis". Without missing a beat I said "Alexis? Why didn't you name her a Honda?". Both the salesman and my girlfriend gave me the "oh no you didn't" look.
He finds one he likes and says to the salesman: “I will buy this car as long as you paint a giant letter “S” on the hood, the roof, the trunk and all four doors.”
The salesman says: “okay, we can do that, but why?”
Snail: “when I drive down the street I want people to say ‘look at that S-car-go!”
I told the salesman, I want a free car!!
The salesman replied, I don’t give a truck!
when a man came by and said the price was insane. The Salesman offered him a second car free with it. The man, baffled, replied with "Well, that sure does Sweden the deal!"
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Accounts Payable Administrator_______________Imelda Czechs
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Accounts Payable Clerk, Moscow Office__________Dasha Chekhov
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Air-Quality Monitor _________________________Carmine Dioxide
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Caffeine Addiction Counselor__________________Bruno Moore
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Chief Legal Counsel_________________________ Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe
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Cliche Monitor_____________________________Saul Wellingood
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Clothing Designer__________________________Hugh Jass
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Credit Counselor___________________________Max Stout
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Director of Purchasing_______________________Lois Bidder
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Director of Pavlovian Research________________Isabelle Ringing
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Divorce Attorney___________________________Carmine Nottyors
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Dog Trainer_______________________________Don Chase Katz
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Ebay Specialist____________________________Selma Junkoff
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Head of Security___________________________Barb Dwyer
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Global Economics Forecaster_________________Helena Handbasket
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Marine Biologist___________________________Frieda Wales
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Father-in-Law Liaison_______________________Royal Payne Diaz
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Mother-in-Law Liaison______________________Stella Payne Diaz
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Official Spokesperson_______________________Howie Vasive
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Restroom Attendants_______________________Trudy Door & Donna Hall
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Russian Chauffeur__________________________Picov Andropov
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Scout Leader______________________________Lawson D. Woods
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Shop Foreman_____________________________Luke Bizzy
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Staff Intuitionist____________________________Ivan Inkling
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Used Car Salesman_________________________Alexis Itznot
Full list can be found here: http://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits
My dad and I were at a car dealership and the car salesman came to us and held out the key to show us the car and said 'Lets look at it' and my dad said 'Wow it is a very shiny key'.
An old-slow snail decides one day that he has had enough of the townsfolk belittling him for his pace. He spends about three-days making his way over to the Car-Dealership so that he can buy himself a sports car.
While at the dealership he asks the salesman if they will customize his Corvette for him. The Salesman replies, "Sure! What can we do for you!?"
The snail replies, "I would like you to paint a big, red "S" on the side of my car?"
The salesman says, confused, "Of course we can."
The customization is done and the Salesman turns to the Snail and says, "We're all finished, but I have to ask---While looking through your information I couldn't find any reason why you would want an 'S' on your car---Your first or last name doesn't start with 'S', So--Why the heck did you want that 'S' on your car?!"
The Snail turns to him and replies gently- " For years I have been tormented by the people of my town, and now I'll get to fly by them in my fancy sports-car, and they'll all say: 'Wow! Look at that 'S' Car go!"
If I were a salesman, I would name my car a simple name: Dable. Why you might ask?
'Cause if I want to sell it, I'll have this tag line ready:
"It is a Ford Dable! (affordable)"
Customer: Cargo space?
Car salesman: Car no go space, car go road.
