Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
I keep all my spare change in a wire box. My 1 cent coins, my 10 cent coins, my 25 cent coins, even my 50 cent and dollar coins. But never my 5 cent coins.
Because it's my Nickel-less Cage.
I bought a wig for a dollar......
It was a small price toupee.
50 cent is boutta be a dollar
My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.
You should've seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
As a kid I could walk into a store with a dollar and come out with 2 candy bars and a bag of chips
And now they have cameras.
I like to stuff dollar bills in my belt.
They tell me it’s a waist of money.
What do you call 454 dollar bills?
at the beach, i found a broken sand dollar, and i turned to Daughter, and said, hey i found a rapper...
she immediately responded, "50 cent"
it was rewarding because i could visibly see her internal groan at dumb dad joke, but then also self-horror that she was so quick to get the joke... win-win-win!!
Wife: Suppose you hit a jackpot of a Million dollars in a lottery and the same day, someone kidnaps me and demands ransom of a million , what will you do?
Husband: I doubt if I can hit two jackpots in one day.
So my hotel just tried to charge me ten extra dollars for air conditioning..
If Dollar Tree stocked "golden calf" figurines, it might be renamed "I Dollar Tree."
I owed my friend $20 so I gave a few dollars, some loose change, and a few small pieces of fried chicken
I got a mail saying that I won a million dollars because I could read Maps backwards
I thought to myself, "That's just Spam".
Why did the girl break up with a guy who paid for everything with ten dollar bills?
My friend called me and said he lost the million dollar prize because he couldn't think of a neighbor to Saudi Arabia...
I make Christmas wreaths for a living. So I decided I would make one out of 100 dollar bills the other day.
I call it a wreath of Franklin.
I found a hairpiece at the dollar store today!
It was a small price toupee.
A woman walks into a music shop and finds an album for 95 cents and pays for it with a dollar
I was working in our store when my son called me over and said, “Two guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty dollar bills.” I asked. “What did they look like?” He replied...
Why say "twelve dollars", when you could say
I boughta broken radio for a dollar that had the volume stuck all the way up!
I told my dad I didn’t find any sand dollars in the ocean.
He said it was because we weren’t anywhere near the bank.
My friend likes to convert all of his dollars into quarters.
Spend your last dollar on a $0.98 lottery ticket and see what you end up with.
That's just my two cents.
What did the dollar say say to the 4 quarters
Mom complained when I asked for a few dollars in quarters to fill up my car’s tires.
Dad looked at me, shrugged and said “Inflation.”
Why did the chicken like to shop at the dollar store?
I withdrew one dollar from the bank but they called the police
The nine zeroes after the one don’t count. Right? They add up to nothing.
A man has to poop and has no toilet paper his friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back with poop on his fingers...." Why is there poop on your fingers"
" it's hard to wipe with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel"
My son was washing some dollar bills the other day
He said it was money laundering
Yesterday I saw a radio on sale for a dollar. The sign said that the volume was stuck on full.
I thought, well, I can’t turn that down.
My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday. The guy said the rental was $50, and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars.
I said, “That’s outrageous!”
He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”
I heard about a man who won a billion dollars.
That’s a bunch of non-cents if you ask me.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry..
i became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I once caught a fish with a hundred dollar bill in its mouth.
I know this story may sound a little fishy, some of you may even consider it a whale of a tale, but if you take it in tide I’m sure you’ll sea the porpoise isn’t me just beingkoi or * squidding* around or fishing for attention; it was shrimply an act of cod that I’m hooked on sharing with others. If it reely makes anyone crabby or puts me on thin ice, just let minnow and I’ll gladly clam up. I’d hate to see this sub flounder or take a dive because of my own shellfish ambitions.
My wife: “Someone is selling 4T clothes for 10 dollars”
Me: “WOW that’s a lot of clothes!”
While at the beach, my wife asked me how we can get a sand dollar.
I told her, "all you need to do is break a sand 5."
Some guy paid me a dollar for 98 cents worth of advice!
I keep all my spare change in a wire box. My 1 cent coins, my 10 cent coins, my 25 cent coins, even my 50 cent and dollar coins. But never my 5 cent coins.
Because it's my Nickel-less Cage.
I once made a belt out of one dollar bills.
I once made a belt out of dollar bills
What do you call a belt made out of hundred dollar bills?
I saw a radio on sale for only a dollar. Only catch was the volume was stuck on high.
I realized, I can’t turn this down.
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