Why did the chicken like to shop at the dollar store?

Everything was a bock!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chrono_bound20xx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09
🚨︎ report
What did the dollar say say to the 4 quarters

You've changed man

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry..

i became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between a dollar note and a penny?

99 cents

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abhinavram2002
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I saw a radio on sale for a dollar. The sign said that the volume was stuck on full.

I thought, well, I can’t turn that down.

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Erbearlee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
While at the beach, my wife asked me how we can get a sand dollar.

I told her, "all you need to do is break a sand 5."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mynickname86
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
If you add a dollar and a pound what do you get?

$quid.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wootangAlpha
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
🚨︎ report
When is a dollar not a dollar?

When it makes changeπŸ’°πŸ’°πŸ’°

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RSGaming0416
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
What was the dollar bill’s biggest fear?

Change.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techformer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
I once caught a fish with a hundred dollar bill in its mouth.

I know this story may sound a little fishy, some of you may even consider it a whale of a tale, but if you take it in tide I’m sure you’ll sea the porpoise isn’t me just beingkoi or * squidding* around or fishing for attention; it was shrimply an act of cod that I’m hooked on sharing with others. If it reely makes anyone crabby or puts me on thin ice, just let minnow and I’ll gladly clam up. I’d hate to see this sub flounder or take a dive because of my own shellfish ambitions.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MC_Minnow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
A man has to poop and has no toilet paper his friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back with poop on his fingers...." Why is there poop on your fingers"

" it's hard to wipe with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel"

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
I won a million dollars

I didn't even spend a penny because i had to wake up and pee

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
A man ordered a glass of water at a fancy restaurant. It cost him 10 dollars. When the waiter delivered it, he asked the waiter why it was so expensive.

The waiter responds β€œIt’s tap quality”

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chubbypants3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
Dollar Tree
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hiteacheryouare
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
What do you call a belt made out of hundred dollar bills?

A waist of money.

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
This just happened: I explained to my 11 year-old niece that wheat pennies are/were a thing. She didn’t believe me, so she looked it up on grandma’s phone. To our surprise, we learned that there are some people selling wheat pennies online for *thousands* to *TENS* *of* *thousands* of dollars.

To which I said, β€œThat doesn’t make cents.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/High_Speed_Chase
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
One Dollar Shirt
πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeadHawk717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
Some guy paid me a dollar for 98 cents worth of advice!

I gave him my two cents.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
My sister bet me a thousand dollars that I could not build a car out of noodles.

You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Psych-Demon
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
Sting’s studio was broken into, thousands of dollars worth of gear stolen

Now the Police have no leads.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/great_red_dragon
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
Why are you supposed to round to the nearest dollar on your tax returns?

Because the IRS has no cents.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MSchmahl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
George Washington predicted that some day in the future, a dollar bill will contain his likeness.

In that sense, he was on the money.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Someone recently told me being $30,000 dollars in credit card debt was a bad thing.

If it is such a bad thing, why does my bank say "outstanding balance" below it?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron778
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
What do you call a million dollar idea?

An idEA

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Reeddit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
My brother has me worried. Any time he drives by a milk farm, he pulls over and leaves a few dollars on the fence.

Doesn’t he know cow tipping is illegal?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
How come it used to cost a quarter to pump your tires at the gas station, and now it costs a dollar?

Inflation

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
My new business failed miserably, I was selling T-shirts featuring glow in the dark dollar bills

But then my Dad reminded me: money doesn’t glow on tees.

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the cow competition worth 1,000,000 dollars?

The higher up you can get your cow the higher the score you get.

The steaks are rising.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MightBeATaco
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
The nearby Apple Store just got robbed thousands of dollars worth of MacBooks and iPhones...

...I heard the cops are now looking for iWitnesses

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/____okay
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
I asked God, β€œHow long is a million years?” He said, β€œA minute.” I asked God, β€œHow much is a million dollars?” He said, β€œA penny.” So I asked God for a penny and he said.,,

β€œIn a minute.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Franciscan Friar who inherited 30 million dollars?

He was an heir friar.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/archangel09
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
If I had a dollar for every gender there was, I'd have eight

quarters

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/electrocuter666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
Viagra worth thousands of dollars was stolen from the pharmacy yesterday.

They are looking for hardened criminals.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Funchaloe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
What must a president do to get their face on a dollar bill?

Something noteworthy

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redditorsass9802
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A man gives a dollar and gets 10000 melons. Why?

Because it's one hundred per cent organic.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quhon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked a midget for a dollar today....

He said "Sorry, I'm a little short"

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My bank won’t make change for a dollar

It just doesn’t make any cents

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday. The guy said the rental was $50, and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars.

I said, β€œThat’s outrageous!”

He just shrugged and said, β€œThat’s inflation for you.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Get your 1 dollar notes out
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CocozuBR
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
If I had a dollar for everytime I forgot something...

...wait what was I saying?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paddysgloryhole
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
I won a million dollars playing the lottery and donated a quarter of it to my favorite charity.

What should I do with the remaining $999,999.75?

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skol_vkings
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My girl friend just bought fifty tampons for one dollar...

No strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Found these lost soles outside my local dollar store
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the Dollar Tree
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Drunkyjimmybob
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
"Hey, I bought a Prince CD for just under 20 dollars."

"Lets party like its $19.99!"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nich_05
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My sister bet me a hundred dollars i couldn't build a car out of spaghetti

You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!

πŸ‘︎ 712
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedWolf308
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I told my buddy I’d be donating to teamtrees but I only had tree dollars

He said he’s still rooting for me though.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FilthySef
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Im gonna start making batting cage business that only accepts pennies, dimes,quarters, half dollars, and dollar coins

Gonna call it Nickel-less Cage

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boxymcboxbox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is Dollar Tree the best place to shop for deer?

Because the males are a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PleaseBeSerious
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when you slip a chicken a dollar?

Chicken strips.

πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alexdist1994
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a silver dollar, but then my dog got a hold of it.

Now I have a bitcoin.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sublimiacures
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
If I had a dollar for every time I've procrastinated...

You know what, I'll tell you later.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xerupton
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend is a know it all who likes to be right always. So he has dollar bills embedded in his shoes.

He has to be on the money.

A better joke may be doable. It's left as an exercise for the reader.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A thousand dollars for a new Apple monitor holder?

Now that's grandstanding.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/titanroller
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother won 5 million dollars on the lottery, then promptly spent it all on a solid gold, jewel-encrusted garbage can.

What a waste!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a one step program to fell like a billion dollars.

Wear Elon's musk

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
A man asked me for a dollar. I said I only carried big bills.

He asked me to give him one, so I gave him my electric bill.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/criosovereign
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
If I had a dollar every time I failed a matt test, I'd have $6.39.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Snotburger
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do Canadians call their Dollar Stores?

Loonie Bins!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zortor
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
If you are wise with dollars you'd be rich, what would you be if you were wise with pennies?

You'd be a clown.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I just spent hundreds of dollars online buying expensive ointments for my skin condition.

That was a rash decision.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Has anyone here lost a bundle of twenty dollar bills?

Because we found the rubber band

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/novaerbenn
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Went into a Salvation Army store and saw a radio. It was turned up full blast but the volume knob was missing. It only cost 1 dollar.

I said boy I can’t turn this down.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Momorah
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in...

It’s currently half empty...

πŸ‘︎ 131
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Just spent $300 dollars on a limousine and discovered the fee doesn't include a driver......

Cant believe i just spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

πŸ‘︎ 200
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phyzix1981
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted a dollar but I only got $0.85

I couldn’t be bothered to nickel-and-dome my dad. edit: nickel-and-dime*

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EnkaaYT
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Air for your car tires used to be free, but now it's a dollar or more.

Inflation can really blow.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bakerkc
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
While walking down the street a man found a hundred dollars on the ground...

While walking down the street a man found a hundred dollars on the ground. Ecstatic, he took the money and walked into a nearby store, thinking he would treat himself. Inside, he purchased a large chocolate cake and started walking home. Suddenly, a crazy old man popped out of an alley next to him and ran straight past him! As he went by, he dropped a mechanical eyeball straight into the middle of the cake. Dazed, the man stopped and stared at the eyeball when it suddenly started to belt out a tune!

Well, obviously the best part of this story was the finding of the 100 dollars - everything else is just eye sing on the cake.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/0elijaHayes0
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
If I broke that dollar into change for you

It would make cents

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GriffinGelz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Loan me 50 dollars

One of the classic Β Abbott and Costello Β routines, where Bud Abbott takes advantage of a common math mistake that we all make to fleece his pal, Lou Costello, out of all of his money. Β The skit ends with a simple β€˜read my mind’ routine that takes Lou’s last remaining bill. Β This routine was done Β many Β times, both in the movies and their radio show.

Bud Abbott: Do me a favor, loan me $50.
Lou Costello: Bud, I can’t. I can’t loan you $50.
Bud Abbott: Oh, yes, ya can.
Lou Costello: No, I can’t. All I got is $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, give me the $40 and you’ll owe me 10 Β 
Lou Costello: Ok, I’ll owe you 10.
Bud Abbott: That’s right.
Lou Costello: How come I owe you 10?
Bud Abbott: How much did

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How can you get four suits for just one dollar?

Buy a deck of cards.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrumSpace
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If I had a dollar for every time that I finished something,
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I went on Deal or No Deal hoping to win a million dollars.

But that turned out to be not the case.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GinormousPenguin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend bet me a hundred dollars that I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti.

You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eawesome00
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
In Jamaica a pie costs 3 dollars, and in the Bahamas it costs 5 dollars

These are the pie rates of the Caribbeans...

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allthatimafter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw a guy with a belt made of dollar bills.

I told him it looked like a waist of money.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KiwiCandle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do chickens think they are dollars?

Because they always go buck buck.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the man break a dollar?

It made cents.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/othersuper
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I'd buy that for a dollar!
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RevGrizzly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?

a gorillanaire

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MildBanana
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I paid a dollar and the cashier said I had to pay $1.02.

Let me tell you, I gave THAT lady my two cents!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I was supposed to get 2 dollars and 50 cents after my transaction at the mall but only got 2 dollars

It doesn’t make any cents

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/loclink
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to buy a Nintendo Switch so I gave my dad 200 dollars and ask him to get me a switch

Comes home 2 hours later with 300 light switchs.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trigrust
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m working on making my second million dollars

I gave up on the first

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oinkmoomeow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a lizard with a million dollars?

A chamillionaire

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NickWilde992
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: dad, can I have some change to get a tattoo of a dollar bill on my face?

Dad: that doesn’t break a dollar for me

Son: wait what?

Dad: it doesn’t make any cents

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kstan007
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to go air up my car tires so I got out 75 cents but it turns out its a dollar now

I guess the air compressor market is experiencing a bit of inflation.....

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dumasymptote
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
You can easily make money by collecting helium and selling it for a dollar per pound.

No weight, that doesn't make any cents...

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dorgray
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new belts they're making out of dollar bills?

Sounds like a waist of money to me.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Petruccijon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.