Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...

Riceless

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I make Christmas wreaths for a living. So I decided I would make one out of 100 dollar bills the other day.

I call it a wreath of Franklin.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZealousidealRise7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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I found a hairpiece at the dollar store today!

It was a small price toupee.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mlnkoly111
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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I was working in our store when my son called me over and said, β€œTwo guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty dollar bills.” I asked. β€œWhat did they look like?” He replied...

β€œFifty dollar bills.”

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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I got tacos, and 40 dollars cash today.

My son asked " How? ", to which I replied, " I handed the cashier 50 dollars. "

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnusfeli
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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Why say "twelve dollars", when you could say

Ten Buck Two instead.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saintpetejackboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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I boughta broken radio for a dollar that had the volume stuck all the way up!

Couldn't turn that down!

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fishtire
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I told my dad I didn’t find any sand dollars in the ocean.

He said it was because we weren’t anywhere near the bank.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/letsgorbg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Spend your last dollar on a $0.98 lottery ticket and see what you end up with.

That's just my two cents.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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My friend likes to convert all of his dollars into quarters.

He's changed a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Mom complained when I asked for a few dollars in quarters to fill up my car’s tires.

Dad looked at me, shrugged and said β€œInflation.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jjlet
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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What did the dollar say say to the 4 quarters

You've changed man

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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Why did the chicken like to shop at the dollar store?

Everything was a bock!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrono_bound20xx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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My son was washing some dollar bills the other day

He said it was money laundering

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bondmemebond
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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I withdrew one dollar from the bank but they called the police

The nine zeroes after the one don’t count. Right? They add up to nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rant-rant-rant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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what music band always needs change for 100 dollar bills?

breaking benjamin

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrongnaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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I heard about a man who won a billion dollars.

That’s a bunch of non-cents if you ask me.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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I saw a radio on sale for only a dollar. Only catch was the volume was stuck on high.

I realized, I can’t turn this down.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/binaryPilot84
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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My wife: β€œSomeone is selling 4T clothes for 10 dollars”

Me: β€œWOW that’s a lot of clothes!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MSG0079
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry..

i became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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Yesterday I saw a radio on sale for a dollar. The sign said that the volume was stuck on full.

I thought, well, I can’t turn that down.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erbearlee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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Dollar Tree
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hiteacheryouare
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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A man has to poop and has no toilet paper his friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back with poop on his fingers...." Why is there poop on your fingers"

" it's hard to wipe with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel"

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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What do you call a belt made out of hundred dollar bills?

A waist of money.

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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What was the dollar bill’s biggest fear?

Change.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techformer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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One Dollar Shirt
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeadHawk717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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I once caught a fish with a hundred dollar bill in its mouth.

I know this story may sound a little fishy, some of you may even consider it a whale of a tale, but if you take it in tide I’m sure you’ll sea the porpoise isn’t me just beingkoi or * squidding* around or fishing for attention; it was shrimply an act of cod that I’m hooked on sharing with others. If it reely makes anyone crabby or puts me on thin ice, just let minnow and I’ll gladly clam up. I’d hate to see this sub flounder or take a dive because of my own shellfish ambitions.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MC_Minnow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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While at the beach, my wife asked me how we can get a sand dollar.

I told her, "all you need to do is break a sand 5."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mynickname86
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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If you add a dollar and a pound what do you get?

$quid.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wootangAlpha
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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When is a dollar not a dollar?

When it makes changeπŸ’°πŸ’°πŸ’°

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RSGaming0416
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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A man ordered a glass of water at a fancy restaurant. It cost him 10 dollars. When the waiter delivered it, he asked the waiter why it was so expensive.

The waiter responds β€œIt’s tap quality”

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chubbypants3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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I won a million dollars

I didn't even spend a penny because i had to wake up and pee

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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Some guy paid me a dollar for 98 cents worth of advice!

I gave him my two cents.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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This just happened: I explained to my 11 year-old niece that wheat pennies are/were a thing. She didn’t believe me, so she looked it up on grandma’s phone. To our surprise, we learned that there are some people selling wheat pennies online for *thousands* to *TENS* *of* *thousands* of dollars.

To which I said, β€œThat doesn’t make cents.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/High_Speed_Chase
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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Why are you supposed to round to the nearest dollar on your tax returns?

Because the IRS has no cents.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MSchmahl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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My sister bet me a thousand dollars that I could not build a car out of noodles.

You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Psych-Demon
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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Sting’s studio was broken into, thousands of dollars worth of gear stolen

Now the Police have no leads.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/great_red_dragon
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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How come it used to cost a quarter to pump your tires at the gas station, and now it costs a dollar?

Inflation

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday. The guy said the rental was $50, and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars.

I said, β€œThat’s outrageous!”

He just shrugged and said, β€œThat’s inflation for you.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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What do you call a million dollar idea?

An idEA

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Reeddit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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My new business failed miserably, I was selling T-shirts featuring glow in the dark dollar bills

But then my Dad reminded me: money doesn’t glow on tees.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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George Washington predicted that some day in the future, a dollar bill will contain his likeness.

In that sense, he was on the money.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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The nearby Apple Store just got robbed thousands of dollars worth of MacBooks and iPhones...

...I heard the cops are now looking for iWitnesses

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/____okay
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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Someone recently told me being $30,000 dollars in credit card debt was a bad thing.

If it is such a bad thing, why does my bank say "outstanding balance" below it?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron778
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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If I had a dollar for every gender there was, I'd have eight

quarters

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/electrocuter666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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Did you hear about the Franciscan Friar who inherited 30 million dollars?

He was an heir friar.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/archangel09
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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My brother has me worried. Any time he drives by a milk farm, he pulls over and leaves a few dollars on the fence.

Doesn’t he know cow tipping is illegal?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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Did you hear about the cow competition worth 1,000,000 dollars?

The higher up you can get your cow the higher the score you get.

The steaks are rising.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MightBeATaco
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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