Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
My friend called me and said he lost the million dollar prize because he couldn't think of a neighbor to Saudi Arabia...
I make Christmas wreaths for a living. So I decided I would make one out of 100 dollar bills the other day.
I call it a wreath of Franklin.
I found a hairpiece at the dollar store today!
It was a small price toupee.
I was working in our store when my son called me over and said, “Two guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty dollar bills.” I asked. “What did they look like?” He replied...
Why say "twelve dollars", when you could say
I boughta broken radio for a dollar that had the volume stuck all the way up!
I told my dad I didn’t find any sand dollars in the ocean.
He said it was because we weren’t anywhere near the bank.
My friend likes to convert all of his dollars into quarters.
Spend your last dollar on a $0.98 lottery ticket and see what you end up with.
That's just my two cents.
Mom complained when I asked for a few dollars in quarters to fill up my car’s tires.
Dad looked at me, shrugged and said “Inflation.”
What did the dollar say say to the 4 quarters
Why did the chicken like to shop at the dollar store?
My son was washing some dollar bills the other day
He said it was money laundering
I withdrew one dollar from the bank but they called the police
The nine zeroes after the one don’t count. Right? They add up to nothing.
what music band always needs change for 100 dollar bills?
I heard about a man who won a billion dollars.
That’s a bunch of non-cents if you ask me.
I saw a radio on sale for only a dollar. Only catch was the volume was stuck on high.
I realized, I can’t turn this down.
My wife: “Someone is selling 4T clothes for 10 dollars”
Me: “WOW that’s a lot of clothes!”
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry..
i became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Yesterday I saw a radio on sale for a dollar. The sign said that the volume was stuck on full.
I thought, well, I can’t turn that down.
What do you call a belt made out of hundred dollar bills?
A man has to poop and has no toilet paper his friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back with poop on his fingers...." Why is there poop on your fingers"
" it's hard to wipe with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel"
What was the dollar bill’s biggest fear?
I once caught a fish with a hundred dollar bill in its mouth.
I know this story may sound a little fishy, some of you may even consider it a whale of a tale, but if you take it in tide I’m sure you’ll sea the porpoise isn’t me just beingkoi or * squidding* around or fishing for attention; it was shrimply an act of cod that I’m hooked on sharing with others. If it reely makes anyone crabby or puts me on thin ice, just let minnow and I’ll gladly clam up. I’d hate to see this sub flounder or take a dive because of my own shellfish ambitions.
While at the beach, my wife asked me how we can get a sand dollar.
I told her, "all you need to do is break a sand 5."
If you add a dollar and a pound what do you get?
A man ordered a glass of water at a fancy restaurant. It cost him 10 dollars. When the waiter delivered it, he asked the waiter why it was so expensive.
The waiter responds “It’s tap quality”
I won a million dollars
I didn't even spend a penny because i had to wake up and pee
Some guy paid me a dollar for 98 cents worth of advice!
This just happened: I explained to my 11 year-old niece that wheat pennies are/were a thing. She didn’t believe me, so she looked it up on grandma’s phone. To our surprise, we learned that there are some people selling wheat pennies online for *thousands* to *TENS* *of* *thousands* of dollars.
To which I said, “That doesn’t make cents.”
Why are you supposed to round to the nearest dollar on your tax returns?
Because the IRS has no cents.
My sister bet me a thousand dollars that I could not build a car out of noodles.
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!
My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday. The guy said the rental was $50, and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars.
I said, “That’s outrageous!”
He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”
Sting’s studio was broken into, thousands of dollars worth of gear stolen
Now the Police have no leads.
How come it used to cost a quarter to pump your tires at the gas station, and now it costs a dollar?
My new business failed miserably, I was selling T-shirts featuring glow in the dark dollar bills
But then my Dad reminded me: money doesn’t glow on tees.
What do you call a million dollar idea?
George Washington predicted that some day in the future, a dollar bill will contain his likeness.
In that sense, he was on the money.
The nearby Apple Store just got robbed thousands of dollars worth of MacBooks and iPhones...
...I heard the cops are now looking for iWitnesses
Someone recently told me being $30,000 dollars in credit card debt was a bad thing.
If it is such a bad thing, why does my bank say "outstanding balance" below it?
If I had a dollar for every gender there was, I'd have eight
Did you hear about the Franciscan Friar who inherited 30 million dollars?
My brother has me worried. Any time he drives by a milk farm, he pulls over and leaves a few dollars on the fence.
Doesn’t he know cow tipping is illegal?
Did you hear about the cow competition worth 1,000,000 dollars?
The higher up you can get your cow the higher the score you get.
The steaks are rising.
When is a dollar not a dollar?
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