Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms over night

There would be MASS confusion

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/300_Black0ut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
I was talking to a butcher the other day who showed me a 10 pound bratwurst

So I said "A ten pound bratwurst? I never sausage a thing!"

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAmerilard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight

There would be a mass confusion

πŸ‘︎ 153
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeletedForSpamm
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
Imagine if America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.

There'd be mass confusion.

πŸ‘︎ 197
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
The local dragon regularly poops hundreds of pounds of ore directly into the sea.

It's a gross waste of resources.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Impybutt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
I just lost 50 pounds!

HAS ANYONE SEEN MY SON?

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pokenerdgamer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
If you add a dollar and a pound what do you get?

$quid.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wootangAlpha
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
🚨︎ report
I've gained almost 20 pounds since the quarantine...

I call it my Covid- 19

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RustyWood86
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
What did the 600-pound canary say to the cat?

[[in your deepest possible voice]] Here kitty kitty kitty....

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikerowave
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the 500 pound man that they had to bury with a backhoe?

It was a huge undertaking.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
It didn't even cost me a pound.
πŸ‘︎ 298
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
Which weighs more, a pound of water or a pound of kerosene?

The water, because the other one is the lighter fluid.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatbridge
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
What do you call 100s of pounds of bread?

Crou tons

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedFish12094
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
Is that what they call a 900 pound Guerilla?
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/puppylove1000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t USA switch from pounds to grams?

Because of mass outrage.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slashmatt-the-cat
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
I keep trying to make pound cake, but it never comes out right.

It's always off by a few ounces.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/manuel_f_p
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad if I'm 99 pounds and eat 1 pound of nachos I would be 99% human 1% nachos!

Dad: you're 100% my son you will not !

Son: 99% your son.

Dad:...?

Son: 1% nacho son.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Messicanhero
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
I lost 150 pounds!

Unfortunately it was at a casino in England

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/charlie2135
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
So I was at the gym with my friend and me being not so strong, he dared me to lift 195 pounds. So I added a 35lb, a 25lb, and a 15lb onto the bar...

The odds were stacked against me

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Best_Bean
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
I lost 30 pounds in a week...

I really hate losing money.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/noneoftheless
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
I saw 2000 pounds of quarters the other day

That’s a ton of money!

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NekoLover72
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
If I want to lose a couple of POUNDS

...I’ll just pay England.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ithinkhisnameis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
I lost 10 pounds

But don't worry, I found it

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
Why is the USA afraid to convert to using kilograms instead of pounds?

We're afraid of mass confusion!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BartlebyX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
What do you call a 1000 pound gorilla with a suit and tie and a machine gun?

β€œSir”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VictorHelios1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
I ran for an hour today and lost one pound!

Maybe I should take the money out of my pockets next time.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
A pound of bricks weighs more than a pound of feathers

In America you can buy a square foot of bricks for around $8.50. There are 7 bricks in a square foot, meaning you are buying each brick for about a $1.21. Today one dollar is 0.75 pounds, so $1.21 is about 0.92 pounds, meaning for a full pound you can buy 1.087 bricks for about a pound. Each brick weighs 5 pounds, which means 1.087 bricks weighs 5.435 pounds. Now on the other hand you many buy 48 feathers for one dollar in America , considering that one dollar is 0.75 ponds, you could buy 64 feathers. with one pound. Each feather weighs around 0.0003 ounces, which multiplied by 64 is 0.0192 ounces , which is 0.0012 pounds. 5.435> 0.0012. There you have it a pound of bricks weighs more than a pound if feathers .

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Depressed_Citrus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when you drop a 14 pound weight on 2 canaries?

You kill 2 birds with one stone.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NSSupervisor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Dog pound in Gotham city?

Barkham Asylum.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Uglarinn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
I’ve put on 40 pounds over the holidays

For the first time in my life I’m not skinny. For those of you who have held out this long for a fat joke, the weight is finally over.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wanderingcloud35
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
In for a penny out for a pound
πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skelopun
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
A chubby Mandalorian steps on the scale at the doctor's office. The nurse reads it and says, "215 lbs." Mando sternly replies "180 pounds..."

"this is the weigh."

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called

A skeleTon

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Squishy-sock07
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Happy North Americans: I lost 20 pounds

Sad Brittish people: I lost 20 pounds

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the pound ask the kilogram?

Why are you being kg?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
I put my phone under my pillow last night and went to sleep. When I woke up it was gone and a pound coin was in its place

Damn that Bluetooth Fairy

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I ordered 2000 pounds of Chinese soup.

It was won ton.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the geologist say when he found a 69 pound metamorphic boulder?

β€œGneiss.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Snaz5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Take the day off camera, I’ll put on the 10 pounds on my self.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WMcm0501
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Which weighs more, a pound of bricks or a pound of feathers?

Feathers, because you have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zerogivin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I just ate 2000 pounds of Chinese soup

It was Won Ton

πŸ‘︎ 134
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PianoPlayer1323
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do they sell those in pounds?

Us: Talking about buying a Corgi or adopting from a pound

Dad: why do they sell them in pounds? Why not in gallons or liters?

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kruhay72
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
The butcher told me that he just made a 10 pound Bratwurst so I told him, A 10 pound Bratwurst? I never sausage a thing!
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MajorRobotnik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A 600 pound man went to the doctor's office today

His nutritionist advised him to either start a new diet or exercise more but the man couldn't outweigh his options

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/McDiddy2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Inocense is thinking "pound town" is the british version of a thrift shop.

Too bad?

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MirthaLegrandIsOp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
So far, in 2019, I'm down 100 pounds!

I'm going to cancel my membership on this low stakes UK gambling website.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stevehrowe2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate those people who come and pound on your door, telling you to get out or you’ll burn.

Stupid firefighters.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What weighs more? A pound of milk or a pound of ricotta cheese?

A pound of milk. The ricotta is whey less.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bslavens
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I ordered 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup.

It weighed won ton.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Reggie Miller lost 30 pounds

Now he's Miller light

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend says to me ,"I think I lost about ten pounds."

I said to her,"Look behind you."And that's when the fight started.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter and I just wrote a dad joke: Do you know how many pounds of guacamole Chipotle uses every day?

6.023 x 10^23

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/publichealthrn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost 100 pounds in just 2 hours

By going to a casino in Liverpool!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RippleDotPenguin
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a dream I ate a 10-pound marshmallow . . .

I woke up and my pillow was gone.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nah118
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
You know they say "The camera adds 10 pounds"

I've been eating cameras for 3 months now and haven't added a single pound

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ImpulseDecider
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look sexy?

Put a nipple on it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm so glad that the twitter # was "hashtag" instead of "pound"

Otherwise the #metoo movement would have been awkward.

πŸ‘︎ 137
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BGG-prone
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
🚨︎ report
You can easily make money by collecting helium and selling it for a dollar per pound.

No weight, that doesn't make any cents...

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dorgray
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I gained half a pound. imgur.com/PgzGrMi
πŸ‘︎ 347
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IanGecko
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Some people like to think about what would happen if America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...

There would be mass confusion

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OlympianSpartan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I'd give my left arm to lose 20 pounds.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/which_spartacus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
This new fad diet I'm on is BS. I've lost zero pounds on the taquito diet.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Count-Basie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
What would happen if Americans switched from pounds to kilos overnight?

There would be mass confusion

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the DJ go to the pound?

To get a pair of woofers.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/litig8tor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a dream that I was eating a 10 pound marshmallow

I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomsonc014
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Imagine if the USA switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.

There would be mass confusion

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MuppetNuts86
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
As a 300 pound Male, I often have to tell my hobbies to my dates....so I tell them fitness...

Fit'ness donut in my mouth

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amin45666
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost 20 pounds this month!

Does anyone know where my weights are?

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vanilla_almond
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a father that weighs 1000 pounds?

A grandad.

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yardglass
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
🚨︎ report
After changing my diet to bland foods and spending a lot more time walking (in the rain I might add), I’m down 50 pounds.

That will be the last time I visit London.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kpely
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I sell a diet plan that is guaranteed to help you lose ten pounds a month

Simply set up a monthly Direct Debit for Β£10 to the following details...

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnydarko-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
If I had a pound for every time I misunderstood a common expression,..

I’d weigh a ton.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
🚨︎ report
A 900-pound dog once tried to retrieve a ball thrown over 200 miles.

But it was too far fetched.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flumanchu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I just ordered 2,000 pounds of Chinese food

It was wonton.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/QuasiRuneScape
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call an uncomplicated two thousand pounds?

A simpleton.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ungodlydemon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
🚨︎ report
I recently started a new cheese diet. I’m hoping to cheddar few pounds
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrJB93
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the 600 pound canary say to the cat?

<in your lowest possible voice> Here kitty kitty kitty...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikerowave
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
"Dude I think that atm machine just lost a few pounds"

"Dude I think that atm machine just lost a few pounds," my friend told me after I withdrew some cash.

"Actually, I think it goes by USD here"

It was a proud remark of mine I had last night.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_A_DOGE
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2017
🚨︎ report
I hated it when the new pound coin came out...

But then again, I never really liked change

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shippy10_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.

There would be a mass confusion

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/throwawaytrol7134
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
If Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight, there would be mass confusion
πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TimHP
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight…

There would be mass confusion.

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yoitsrebeca
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.

There would be mass confusion

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bignate1213
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Imagine what would happen if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...

There would be mass confusion!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AYKW
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I ordered 2000 pounds of chinese soup

It was won ton

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jorielross
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Imagine if we Americans switched from pounds to kilograms over night.

There would be mass confusion.

πŸ‘︎ 313
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WaltsTwoCents
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
If Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...

There would be mass confusion...

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aabesh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
If Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight..

There would be mass confusion.

πŸ‘︎ 197
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Butta2x
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What would happen if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight?

There would be mass confusion.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/matthewjhendrick
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...

There would be mass confusion

πŸ‘︎ 93
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tempsilon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
🚨︎ report
You can easily make money by collecting helium and selling it for a dollar per pound.

No weight, that doesn't make any cents...

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dorgray
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
🚨︎ report

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