What's the difference between a poke in the eye and a poke in the hive?

One makes you see bad, the other makes a bee sad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KidDene
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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I poke a ruler at you because ...

I measure your patience.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeoArmaNinja
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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What happens in the poke center stays in the pokecenter
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fawaffle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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So bad I wanna poke mon eyes out
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vairvt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Poke him on.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andreus187
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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Every garbage day, my dad points at the bin, pokes me on the chest and yells,..

β€œYou wanna take this outside?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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What do you get when you poke at a bottle of water?

Tap water

r/jokes thought that this joke belongs here

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πŸ‘€︎ u/agg304
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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Don’t run with bagpipes. You could poke an eye....

Or, worse yet, get kilt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ragnyrok
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
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Why do eyelashes poke you in the eye?

Because they're lashing out!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanosaurus03
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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What do you call a Jamaican man working at a poke salad bar?

PokΓ©-mon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imakemoopoints
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2018
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A lot of the material in my act pokes fun at the life style of people who live in los-angeles.

I call it SoCal commentary.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OgreMonk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2017
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I do not play cards a lot but I would still like to poke-her
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjsu222
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2017
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I thought you guys might like this. I complete list of "Poke her? I barely know her!" style puns I made arthur-johnston.com/stati…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johannesOverdose
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2011
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Come home after sitting my exam and see my dad poke his head out from the kitchen.

"So how did your maths exam go? Did it all add up?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReleaseTehKraken
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2014
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Girlfriend tells me I poke her too much.

Me: "I guess I'm a Pokemon then!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wobzter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2016
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My girlfriend poked me in the eye I stopped seeing her after a while
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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What did the pencil bag say when it got poked?

P-Ouch!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radiant-monk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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My wife poked me behind my balls...

Now our relationship is tainted.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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What do you get when you combine a porcupine and a turtle?

A slowpoke!

*a friend of mine told me this and I thought it would fit well here

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wqiu_f1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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I accidentally poked myself in the eye moments ago.

I did not see that one coming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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My girlfriend poked me in the eye the other day...

I stopped seeing her for a while.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matty_B97
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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Pikachu gets stabbed by a Jamaican man and then asks why?

The Jamaican man replies he just wanted to poke a mon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/4294
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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What's a needle's favorite Hawaiian food?

Poke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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How do you get a PokΓ©mon on a bus?

You poke em on! Am I relevant yet?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Existingperson2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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What do you get when you mix a tortoise with a porcupine?

A slow poke

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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How do you wake Lady Gaga up?

You po-po-po-poke her face!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night.

Damn near poked my eye out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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Gabe was muttering incoherently. He'd been up all night studying for the history exam.

I poked my head in his room, and he was blathering about how he wanted to quit school and be a truck driver.

"I'm gonna get one of those big beautiful Peterbuilts, with all the running lights everywhere. Or maybe a Mack with an extended cab..."

"Better brew him a pot of coffee," I told his mother. "The final is in a half hour, and he's only semi-conscious."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cja1968
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Obituary for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Pop N Fresh

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eyes_and_teeth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Two blokes go for a job. Before they can get the job they are asked some questions.

One said to the other i wont get the job i not good at questions. Dont worry said the other i go in first and i will tell you the answers? So he goes in the boss said to him; If i poke you in the left eye what would happen. I would go half blind. If i poke you right eye what would happen. I would go fully blind. Congratulations you have got the job. Send the other candidate in. As the other candidate was going in the he said the answers are Half blind and Fully blind. Thanks mate and goes to see the boss. Right said the boss if i cut your ear off what would happen. I would go half blind. Okay said the boss if i cut your other ear off what would happen. I would go fully blind. The boss looks puzzled and said how do you make that out. He said thats obvious.

My cap would fall over my eyes!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Saw a sexy woman poking a man who was drinking in his eyes.

I guess beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amiradzim
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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If you really think about it condoms are just sonblock.
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theKidWithCam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.
πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jarl_draven
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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I just poked myself in the eye.

I can’t see myself doing that again any time soon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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What do you call a Jamaican man who only eats raw fish?

A poke-mon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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How do you wake Lady Gaga up?

Pa pa pa poke her face pa pa poke her face.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leapbaby1984
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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Every one is talking about glory holes

So i decided to look into one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onion-volcano
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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A patient was in a hospital with a carrot poking out of his nose, and brocolli sticking out of his ear.

The doctor took one look and said, "Well, I can tell that you're not eating right."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElexCube
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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I thought of a great joke about the Ozone layer yesterday.

[depleted]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
You hear about Japan's new Hawaiian/Jamaican fusion food craze?

Poke Mon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManosVanBoom
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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My straw poked me in the eye while taking a drink

I threw it away got another and called it The Straw Shank Redemption.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/expert2020
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
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My wife told me to cut down a tree

I asked her why and she says the tree always pokes her when she wants some alone time outside.

I told her the tree doesn't want to leaf her alone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/General_Moy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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What do you call a PokΓ©mon with a speech impediment?

A Heliolisp

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bean_boi_2400
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Bedtime joke

As I’m walking down the hall I notice that my girls have their light on and they should be in bed already. I poke my head in and ask why their light is on. They replied that they’re looking for something. I turned off the light and responded that they should be looking for the back of their eyelids!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dithia
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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My girlfriend poked me in the eyes...

...so I stopped seeing her for a little while.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatWhiteSnark82
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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How do you get a pikachu on a bus

Poke em on

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night.

Damn near poked my eye out.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingJiggaMan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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