One makes you see bad, the other makes a bee sad.
I measure your patience.
βYou wanna take this outside?β
Tap water
r/jokes thought that this joke belongs here
Or, worse yet, get kilt.
Because they're lashing out!
PokΓ©-mon
I call it SoCal commentary.
"So how did your maths exam go? Did it all add up?"
Me: "I guess I'm a Pokemon then!"
P-Ouch!!
Now our relationship is tainted.
A slowpoke!
*a friend of mine told me this and I thought it would fit well here
I did not see that one coming.
I stopped seeing her for a while.
A slow poke
You po-po-po-poke her face!
I poked my head in his room, and he was blathering about how he wanted to quit school and be a truck driver.
"I'm gonna get one of those big beautiful Peterbuilts, with all the running lights everywhere. Or maybe a Mack with an extended cab..."
"Better brew him a pot of coffee," I told his mother. "The final is in a half hour, and he's only semi-conscious."
Damn near poked my eye out.
The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.
The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.
The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
One said to the other i wont get the job i not good at questions. Dont worry said the other i go in first and i will tell you the answers? So he goes in the boss said to him; If i poke you in the left eye what would happen. I would go half blind. If i poke you right eye what would happen. I would go fully blind. Congratulations you have got the job. Send the other candidate in. As the other candidate was going in the he said the answers are Half blind and Fully blind. Thanks mate and goes to see the boss. Right said the boss if i cut your ear off what would happen. I would go half blind. Okay said the boss if i cut your other ear off what would happen. I would go fully blind. The boss looks puzzled and said how do you make that out. He said thats obvious.
My cap would fall over my eyes!!
A poke-mon.
I guess beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder.
I canβt see myself doing that again any time soon.
So i decided to look into one
Pa pa pa poke her face pa pa poke her face.
[depleted]
The doctor took one look and said, "Well, I can tell that you're not eating right."
Poke Mon
I asked her why and she says the tree always pokes her when she wants some alone time outside.
I told her the tree doesn't want to leaf her alone.
A Heliolisp
As Iβm walking down the hall I notice that my girls have their light on and they should be in bed already. I poke my head in and ask why their light is on. They replied that theyβre looking for something. I turned off the light and responded that they should be looking for the back of their eyelids!
I threw it away got another and called it The Straw Shank Redemption.
He nearly kilt me. I poked him in the aye in defense.
Wife: "I hate these underwires. I think I want to get a wire-less one next"
Me: "I can stop by Radioshack on my way home to pick you up one"
Wife: "What?"
Me: "Well I'm sure Victorias Secret doesn't carry WiFi bras."
Wife: Heavy sigh.
...so I stopped seeing her for a little while.
Poke em on
Damn near poked my eye out.
