Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 24
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A momma mole, pappa mole and baby mole were sitting in their mole hole.

The dad suddenly sits up, sniffs the air and runs to the narrow opening.

"Somebody is baking! I smell nutmeg!"

The mother runs over and wedges herself in the remaining opening.

"Ooh! I smell vanilla and cinnamon!"

The baby poked and prodded but couldn't get past his mom and dad to smell the outside air.

"Oh man! All I smell is mole asses!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
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My friend has been learning magic as a quarantine hobby. I present to you: my oc list of magician jokes and puns I invented to annoy him.

Did you hear about the magician who grabbed Eminem so hard his SnapBack fell off?

He pulled a rabbit out of his hat

What do you call a magician who is an administrator at a college, but nobody knows what students he is in charge of?

Whose dean’s he?

A magician went out to the store and bought a big metal structure so he could hang upside down and do situps. He also loved painting, but because of his style he often knocked the canvas around while dabbing on the paint. So he bought another, wooden structure, like an easel, but with clamps to hold the painting in place while he prodded it with the paintbrush. His wife asked, as he brought them in, what the hell he had just bought. He replied:

β€œAb rack and dab rack”

What do you call a magician with very skinny fingers?

Slight of hand

The magician’s wife brought him to the store to buy gifts for a birthday party. She picked out a lovely candle, but wanted to include a nice note. The magician knew just what to do. He broug

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsk09003
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
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Punguins #2 The Getaway

Here it is! My second Punguins comic. Be sure to leave some feedback!

Comic: http://penguinproductions.org/comics?id=2


Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/penguinproductionsapps/?fref=ts

Twitter: https://twitter.com/PenguinProdApps

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drsmall
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2016
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True Story about Half a Toilet

We are remodeling my grandmother's house. This includes a new toilet. My dad entered my room today giggling. He replied, still giggling, that my mother was in a rage. After some prodding for explanation, he finally told me that, and I quote, "they only gave her half a toilet."

Now, I'm thinking the tank was in one box and the bottom half was in another, and they only gave her one box. In any case, when worded this way, it IS kind of funny. So, I giggle too. But dad didn't stop there. We laugh for a bit, and then he grins even wider and says:

"I got to thinking, you know, we have a lot of half-ass people around here..."

And that, readers, is how a fairly routine mishap went from "mildly funny" to "too groanworthy to be anything but hilarious".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BayouRoux
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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My new comic "Punguins" tell me what you think!

You guys like puns and dad jokes? Well boy oh boy, my boy, do I have the comic for you! http://penguinproductions.org/comics?id=1

The comic is still new, so please tell me what you think! I'd love to get some feedback.

Follow Penguin Productions on facebook and twitter for more comics!

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/penguinproductionsapps/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/PenguinProdApps

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drsmall
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2016
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We were having steak tips...

Me: Can I have a tip?

Dad: Get a job!

I groan. He prods a steak tip with his spatula

Dad: Do you want it well done?

Me: Uh...

Dad: Then work hard!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Langlie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2014
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