Lumber Puns

A list of puns related to "Lumber"

I cut lumber for a living, but I keep sleeping on the job.

As you can tell, I'm a slumberjack.

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👤︎ u/SegavsCapcom
📅︎ Nov 17 2020
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A pirate is transported to modern day and stumbles upon a lumber mill while looking for work. When the pirate is asked if he knows how to use any of the tools...

He replies, "Arkansas".

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👤︎ u/Dominant_Dankster
📅︎ Apr 14 2020
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My friend found a sturdy piece of lumber to place within his guitar to improve the vibrations...

It was a soundboard

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Mar 24 2020
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As part of my superstitious nature, I only insult buildings made of lumber.

I constantly knock on wood.

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👤︎ u/gaudiocomplex
📅︎ Jan 06 2020
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Me and my friends first day as a lumber jack

Me: Hey mate wood you mind if I ask a question

My friend: sure, axe your question

Me: I’m making an account on timber (tinder) can you help me?

My friend: sure just put you’re username etc. (you know the basic stuff) and then if you ever get a new phone you could just log in

Me: sweet

Ik this is bad I never make puns also I don’t mind criticism

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👤︎ u/The-King-of-Random
📅︎ Jul 25 2019
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I would like to no what this has to do with lumber
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👤︎ u/LittleTimmy29
📅︎ Jan 21 2019
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It's fascinating viewing the data over humanity's exponential consumption of lumber over time.

It is presented, of course, as a log log log.

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👤︎ u/NessaSola
📅︎ Jul 08 2019
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Consider me lumber

Cuz I’m bored

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👤︎ u/Jollyben
📅︎ Jun 01 2019
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I work at a hardware store with a saw. The manager says, “lumber is going to hate me! I fixed the saw last night.”

Queue me enthusiastically from my desk, “so what you’re saying is, you saw’ved all their problems?!”

They hate my humor.

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👤︎ u/Mapkar
📅︎ Jun 15 2018
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You paid HOW much for that lumber at Home Depot?! Well, you know what they say..

Wood doesn't grow on trees.

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👤︎ u/mlorimer1
📅︎ Jan 09 2019
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My Home Depot Manager got us together for serious store meeting. He asked who was breaking all the lumber in the wood aisle.

Me: (tightening my black belt) I don’t know but he must be pretty strong.

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👤︎ u/ImVladimirPutin
📅︎ Sep 01 2018
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What is it called when you use lumber in Medicinal practice?

Tree-tment

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👤︎ u/MDVAME
📅︎ Aug 14 2018
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Did you hear about the lumber jack that got fired for cutting down too many trees?

He saw too much

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👤︎ u/estoydeintercambio
📅︎ Jul 16 2018
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I've been cutting lumber for a tourist viewpoint over the bays in Norway

One could say I've been pining for the fjords

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👤︎ u/belly_bell
📅︎ Apr 05 2018
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Lumber support

Dadjoked the wife with this one:

http://imgur.com/ctLkauq

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👤︎ u/technician218
📅︎ Apr 23 2014
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At the lumber yard....

Dad: I'm building a deck, I'm here to get some 2x4s Guy: how long ya need it? Dad: Well I'm hoping it'll last at least a few years

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👤︎ u/LiquidAsylum
📅︎ Aug 05 2013
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