Lumber Puns

A list of puns related to "Lumber"

When is a stack of lumber like food in the ocean?

When it's a plankton!

👍︎ 4
💬︎
👤︎ u/gene_doc
📅︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I should have bought stock in lumber, but hindsight is 2020

https://imgur.com/gallery/o6IZNXX

👍︎ 7
💬︎
👤︎ u/Grinch_1977
📅︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?

It was chipped.

👍︎ 41
💬︎
👤︎ u/Yeoshua82
📅︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Lumber jack
👍︎ 33
💬︎
👤︎ u/South_Bathroom
📅︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know I used to be a Lumber Jack? It was only during one summer, though.

I just couldn't, hack it.

Because I didn't have the, chops.

So they, gave me the axe.

👍︎ 81
💬︎
👤︎ u/U_MightNotUnderstand
📅︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
A master woodworker needed transportation, so he built a motorcycle out of the best lumber in the workshop.

It wooden start

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/ToastyZ71
📅︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
The clerk at the hardware store asked me how long I wanted my lumber

I told him I was planning on keeping it

👍︎ 10
💬︎
👤︎ u/dood87
📅︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm posting this from my job as a scrap lumber inspector at a hardware store.

I'm feeling a little board.

👍︎ 6
💬︎
👤︎ u/RiparianFruitarian
📅︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I cut lumber for a living, but I keep sleeping on the job.

As you can tell, I'm a slumberjack.

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/SegavsCapcom
📅︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the lumber jack day when he dropped his axe?

What a dumb axe

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/Scott_johnson5j
📅︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A pirate is transported to modern day and stumbles upon a lumber mill while looking for work. When the pirate is asked if he knows how to use any of the tools...

He replies, "Arkansas".

👍︎ 10
💬︎
👤︎ u/Dominant_Dankster
📅︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend found a sturdy piece of lumber to place within his guitar to improve the vibrations...

It was a soundboard

👍︎ 10
💬︎
👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
As part of my superstitious nature, I only insult buildings made of lumber.

I constantly knock on wood.

👍︎ 21
💬︎
👤︎ u/gaudiocomplex
📅︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I would like to no what this has to do with lumber
👍︎ 21
💬︎
👤︎ u/LittleTimmy29
📅︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Me and my friends first day as a lumber jack

Me: Hey mate wood you mind if I ask a question

My friend: sure, axe your question

Me: I’m making an account on timber (tinder) can you help me?

My friend: sure just put you’re username etc. (you know the basic stuff) and then if you ever get a new phone you could just log in

Me: sweet

Ik this is bad I never make puns also I don’t mind criticism

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/The-King-of-Random
📅︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
It's fascinating viewing the data over humanity's exponential consumption of lumber over time.

It is presented, of course, as a log log log.

👍︎ 4
💬︎
👤︎ u/NessaSola
📅︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I work at a hardware store with a saw. The manager says, “lumber is going to hate me! I fixed the saw last night.”

Queue me enthusiastically from my desk, “so what you’re saying is, you saw’ved all their problems?!”

They hate my humor.

👍︎ 58
💬︎
👤︎ u/Mapkar
📅︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Consider me lumber

Cuz I’m bored

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/Jollyben
📅︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My Home Depot Manager got us together for serious store meeting. He asked who was breaking all the lumber in the wood aisle.

Me: (tightening my black belt) I don’t know but he must be pretty strong.

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/ImVladimirPutin
📅︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
You paid HOW much for that lumber at Home Depot?! Well, you know what they say..

Wood doesn't grow on trees.

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/mlorimer1
📅︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What is it called when you use lumber in Medicinal practice?

Tree-tment

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/MDVAME
📅︎ Aug 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the lumber jack that got fired for cutting down too many trees?

He saw too much

👍︎ 10
💬︎
👤︎ u/estoydeintercambio
📅︎ Jul 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I've been cutting lumber for a tourist viewpoint over the bays in Norway

One could say I've been pining for the fjords

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/belly_bell
📅︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Lumber support

Dadjoked the wife with this one:

http://imgur.com/ctLkauq

👍︎ 10
💬︎
👤︎ u/technician218
📅︎ Apr 23 2014
🚨︎ report
At the lumber yard....

Dad: I'm building a deck, I'm here to get some 2x4s Guy: how long ya need it? Dad: Well I'm hoping it'll last at least a few years

👍︎ 45
💬︎
👤︎ u/LiquidAsylum
📅︎ Aug 05 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.