I pine fir the good oak days, when it was poplar to spruce up the living room with a real tree.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/und88
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
True story: My family and I were walking at an apple orchard today when my 6-year-old noticed a discarded apple and asked "Why is there an apple under a pine tree?"

I responded without missing a beat, "That, my son, is a pine apple."

Shoutout to the mom passing by who witnessed and appreciated this gem.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Etereve
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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A pine cone told a dad joke

All he got was a pine groan.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConradFlick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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A mafia boss hired a hitman to take down a few pines in his front yard

The hitman asked: 'what do you want me to do after the job is done?' The mafia boss replied: 'I want you to go bury tree bodies.'

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew this girl who wanted bigger boobs, but couldn't afford proper implants, so she had her uncle make her a false set out of pine.Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though,

Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden tit?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMBiSH
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are pine trees bad at sewing?

They always drop their needles!!

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shooception
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?

Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are pine trees so sentimental?

Because they are sappy

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevbeau7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Pros and Cons of Pine Trees

https://preview.redd.it/l1bw02kr5k131.png?width=799&format=png&auto=webp&s=3e9d827518b2c69da1d87c1815a47a208a906c7a

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMax0803
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My neighbors were trimming their pine, so I thought I would pitch in to help

But I fell and now am in a very sticky situation...

I know this will resin-ate with many of you out there.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trickyd9
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A squirrel is sitting on a branch in a pine tree when suddenly he feels the whole tree begin to shake violently.

He looks down and sees that a full-grown elephant is slowly clambering up the tree. When the elephant finally reaches the branch the squirrel asks, "Why on earth did you climb up into this pine tree?!"

The elephant then says, "I came up here to eat some pears, of course."

The squirrel, completely shocked at the elephant's ignorance, exclaims, "You elephants don't know the first thing about trees! This is a PINE tree, there are no pears here."

The elephant then explains, "Oh, I know, I brought my own."

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RhapsodicRaven
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
How does the colour of a pine tree change in central China?

It starts beige-ing

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CVSSR
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A squirrel is living in a pine tree, when one day, he feels it shaking, looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree. The squirrel shrieks, β€œWhat are you doing climbing my tree?” β€œWell, I’m coming up here to eat some pears.” says the elephant.

β€œYou idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears!”

β€œWell I brought my own pears.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was the pine forced to walk the plank?

Because he was guilty of tree-ason.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the pine tree sent to time out?

Because it was knotty

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghstmnky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a Pine tree's favorite fruit?

A Pine-apple!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theycallmeb77
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What happens when you're lost in a pine forest?

"I don't know, pop, what?"

You go pine nuts!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/annaftw
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2016
🚨︎ report
Where do pine nuts come from?

Whenever my step-mom makes a recipe with pine nuts in it, my dad always says, "Ah yes, pine nuts. From the male pine tree!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mortalys77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
🚨︎ report
Are pun requests allowed?

I'm trying to find a good pun for pine or pine tree that is wedding/marriage themed.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firetruckyou098
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Which tree wishes things were more like they used to be?

Pine

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stiney86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
You know what they say about picking the right species of Christmas Tree?

It's a huge Pine in the Ash

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TangerineX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when an apple experiences unrequited love?

It becomes a Pine-Apple

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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So I my son started to bark at me

Kept on insisting that I had promised to build him a treehouse but I don't remember evergreening this elm of a contract. Though he kept inisisting I had birch the agreement due to the long delay but my attempt to confern the fertility of the spruce was in roots. Now I have to oak up and face the spruce. My weekend has been soiled and I now have to maple my son's treehouse whilst I willow my day away. Although... Now that I twig about it, having a treehouse in my yard sounds like a pine idea.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WisdomThingy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I need a pun for Pinecone

I need to find a pun for the word pinecone

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crusadeLeader7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the sexiest tree?

A Chris pine tree

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Is my friend good enough for the big leagues (for puns)?
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misspygmy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m selling a bird!

Going cheep.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DominicL47
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an inquisitive Hispanic rodent?

Por quΓ© pine.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I actually struggled at first
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DustyyDoggo
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
The tree wanted to try something new.

So he's turning over a new leaf.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Couldn’t resist

Friend texts me: Can you leave a key fir me under the mat? Me: Maple I will, Maple I won’t. Friend: ? Me: Pine, I’ll leave a key Friend: oh, my typo, haha Me: I’ve got a bunch more Buckeye will wait til later to tell you.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PR2NP
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad told me to stop making tree puns.

But he's not the balsa me.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey dad...
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the rodent say to the vegan conifer?

I’d rather eat pork, you pine!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Davidismyrealname
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was beaten to death with a tree branch

It seems he wasn't very poplar, and is now deciduously less alive. If he returns from the dead, he'll definitely be pining for revenge.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hello_Hurricane
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Oof
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Sick doggo.
πŸ‘︎ 21k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coffeeowlthyme
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Requesting a pun for 'MacAlpine'

Hopefully this is the right place for it - but I'm looking to create a wedding hashtag with our future last names. So far, we only have 'pining for macalpine' but, as someone pointed out, that has a rather negative connotation. Unfortunately, our first names don't lend to puns/rhymes.

Any alp would be appreciated.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_smallest_frye
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, β€œWait! I’m a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, β€œAnd you will dialogue!"

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Unfortunately, my obese parrot just died.

It is, however, a huge weight off my shoulders.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NobleMoistHam
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Well it's a Ο€-ne tree
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SidSidderSiddest
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Cup or cone?
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMGLMAOWTF_com
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Woodn’t it be
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditGamerboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What was the disobedient beaver’s favorite kind of wood?

Knotty pine

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/n07myusername
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to make her final preparations to move to Switzerland.

When she arrived back home, the thought occurred to her that she had not seen a β€œW.C.” in the room or even down the hall. (A W.C. is short for β€œwater closet” and is what the English call a toilet.) So she immediately emailed the pastor to ask him where the β€œW.C.” is located.

The Swiss pastor had never heard of a β€œW.C.,” and so he Googled the abbreviation and found an article titled β€œWayside Chapels.” Thinking that the English lady was asking about a country church to attend near her new home, the pastor responded as follows:

Ms. Smith,

I look forward to your move. Regarding your question about the location of the W.C., the closest W.C.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What trees do skeletons like?

S*pine* trees!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a wolf's favorite tree?

A LU-PINE!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I got fired for changing the wood on my jobs counter

I was just trying to spruce up the mood

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cauanguy1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report

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