Life’s a Birch [OC]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChumpsLand
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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What a birch imgur.com/CLMwol9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/duddee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2014
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There were these two trees that lived in the middle of a meadow, all by themselves, one, a birch, the other, a beech...

Having nothing much else to do to pass the time, they engaged in frequent conversation with each other about whatever tickled their fancy.

Well, one year, a sapling took root between the two trees and having not much else to talk about, they argued about the sapling for years.

"It's a son of a beech," the beech would say.

"No, it's a son of a birch," the birch would say.

And back and forth they would go.

Well one year, when the sapling was starting to get big and tall, a woodpecker happened to fly along and land on the beech.

The beech, seeing an opportunity to settle this argument once and for all, said, "Hey, woodpecker. I need a favor. I want you to fly over to that young tree there, and tell me whether that tree is a son of a beech or the son of a birch."

Well, the woodpecker not having much else to do said, "Sure thing!" and flew over to the young tree and gave it six good taps.

-tap tap tap-

-tap tap tap-

And flew back.

"Well?" the birch said.

"Well?" the beech said.

"Is it a son of a beech, or the son of a birch?"

The woodpecker said, "Neither."

"Neither!?"

"That, my friends," the woodpecker said, "is the best piece of ash I've ever put my pecker in."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
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Reductress Β» Confession: My Lumbersexual Left Me For a Basic Birch reductress.com/post/confe…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/herobotic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2014
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Am I punny enough for the pun club?
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
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My holiday home neighbour planted a tall row of trees blocking my view.

Sun-off-a-bach!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOffbeatTurtle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
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I'm trying to come up with a good tree pun

But I'm stumped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rockboxatx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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So I my son started to bark at me

Kept on insisting that I had promised to build him a treehouse but I don't remember evergreening this elm of a contract. Though he kept inisisting I had birch the agreement due to the long delay but my attempt to confern the fertility of the spruce was in roots. Now I have to oak up and face the spruce. My weekend has been soiled and I now have to maple my son's treehouse whilst I willow my day away. Although... Now that I twig about it, having a treehouse in my yard sounds like a pine idea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WisdomThingy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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How do you know if you're a necrophiliac?

You get mourning wood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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Did you hear the one about the ordinary tree?

It was a basic birch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plmcalli
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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My neighbor is planting some saplings in is yard

Those sons of birches...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronQrow1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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What kind of trees grow near pumpkin patches?

Basic Birches

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DMFPx123
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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If celebrities were types of wood

Spruce Willis (Bruce Willis)

Matthew Mahogany (Matthew Maconahay? Tell me how to spell it)

Mirk Russel (Kurt Russel)

Clint Oakwood (Clint Eastwood)

Benedict Lumberthatch (Benedict Cumberbatch)

Ashwood Kutcher (Ashton Kutcher)

Birch Reynolds (Bert Reynolds)

Russel Branch (Russel Brand)

Dwayne "The Log" Johnson (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeardyJunior2110
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is?

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hawkmoona_Matata
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2018
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How can you tell how old a tree is?

You ask it for it’s BIRCH certificate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/20Chris04
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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If I were to start a Tree Nursery

I would call it Son of a Birch

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bkibbs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2014
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New England trees have sprouted legs and are running amok. Officials say:

Birches be runnin' wild.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KungFooShus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
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Punny Redditors, I need your best "wood" puns!

I need help for a project! What are your best puns that have anything to do with wood?

Examples:

"Can I axe you a question?"

"I wood stay longer, but I have to leaf now"

EDIT: another one: "birch please!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cat_attack_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2014
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Groans up..

Did you hear about the pretty sapling that entered high school?

:

Ya, she got in with the poplar birches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gtRio
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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Christmas Tree Shopping

The wife, kids and I were out at the lot to cut down our tree.

The guide asked us if we wanted to be shown where the pine tree lot was.

I did the "oh no you didn't" double snap of my fingers and said:

Birch, Please!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zackprice
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2014
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Ol’ Mr. Woodpecker

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AgedMurcury78
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
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What did the tree say too the other tree

You son of a birch

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smart_Stop_1003
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
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