I remember as a kid my dad got fired from his job as a road worker fir theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing but when i got home, the signs were all there.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bignate1213
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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What do you call a fir tree that knows king fu?

Spruce Lee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VadeRetroLupa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
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I just found a dog, it’s name is Douglas fir
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bcowburn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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One fir all... imgur.com/a/eBEvy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/never7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2017
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The tree wanted to try something new.

So he's turning over a new leaf.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
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Is my friend good enough for the big leagues (for puns)?
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misspygmy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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Trash men

Landed this on my six year old yesterday

Looks like the trash men are outside arguing. How do you know Dad? I just heard one of them yell this job is garbage!

Lost on him. But I have been laughing fir a day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alonepoe
πŸ“…︎ May 31
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β€œHow long have you been chopping wood for?”

β€œNot sure. Let me check the logs.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
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My wife made me get an artificial Christmas tree last Christmas.

It's just not Fir.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gwailo27
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
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Good one from my dad: "I can cut wood by just looking at it"

Came up during a conversation about having a bonfire

Dad "Here's something you might not have known about me, I can cut wood by just looking at it"

Me, fully expecting a dad joke: "I don't believe you but would you care to elaborate"

Dad: "Its true! I saw it with my own eyes"

He giggled to himself for about 10 minutes after that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sb95500
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2016
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It's a shame there aren't more jokes for arborists...

I guess they aren't a very poplar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XOIIO
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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A tree surgeon’s girlfriend broke up with him.

He pined fir her fir months.

Knock on wood, they will someday get back together.

(Sorry, this joke wasn’t great... just oak-kay.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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Where did the king keep his armies?

In his sleevies!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeffrsnbgh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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My sister is a dad

Talking about some dead trees in her back yard

"It just killed the evergreens...

Now they're everbrown."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StillUnbroke
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2015
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I just picked out a fresh christmas tree....

It really spruces up the room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calzone11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2015
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Got my friend after he made a spelling mistake while texting and I don't think he even realised.

Friend: My gym membership feels like such a waist atm

Me: Do you not think it's hip to go to the gym any more?

Friend: I think I ain't got time with a new born

Me: Can you not stomach it?

Friend: Well I got to do school runs and that fir the time being and K in the morning and Liam in the afternoon then home dinner putting kids down time is just gone

Me: Yeah, I've got a gut feeling you won't be working out as much as you used to anymore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeyJ3DY
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2015
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What does the forest put in its house?

Fir-nature.

My 5 year old told this at dinner. Either she heard it somewhere or I need to enroll her in Comedy school. What's the verdict?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitks07
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2017
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