Indian dad: "My son is missing!"
Police: "FIR likhwaani padegi. How would you describe him?"
Dad: "Not half as good as Sharma ji's son"
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
So he's turning over a new leaf.
“Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
Came up during a conversation about having a bonfire
Dad "Here's something you might not have known about me, I can cut wood by just looking at it"
Me, fully expecting a dad joke: "I don't believe you but would you care to elaborate"
Dad: "Its true! I saw it with my own eyes"
He giggled to himself for about 10 minutes after that one.
Friend texts me: Can you leave a key fir me under the mat? Me: Maple I will, Maple I won’t. Friend: ? Me: Pine, I’ll leave a key Friend: oh, my typo, haha Me: I’ve got a bunch more Buckeye will wait til later to tell you.
The other day? That's a firs day.
I guess they aren't a very poplar.
Landed this on my six year old yesterday
Looks like the trash men are outside arguing. How do you know Dad? I just heard one of them yell this job is garbage!
Lost on him. But I have been laughing fir a day
Talking about some dead trees in her back yard
"It just killed the evergreens...
Now they're everbrown."
It's just not Fir.
He pined fir her fir months.
Knock on wood, they will someday get back together.
(Sorry, this joke wasn’t great... just oak-kay.)
It really spruces up the room.
Friend: My gym membership feels like such a waist atm
Me: Do you not think it's hip to go to the gym any more?
Friend: I think I ain't got time with a new born
Me: Can you not stomach it?
Friend: Well I got to do school runs and that fir the time being and K in the morning and Liam in the afternoon then home dinner putting kids down time is just gone
Me: Yeah, I've got a gut feeling you won't be working out as much as you used to anymore