A little boy asks his dad, "Do trees poop?"
The dad says, "Of course. Where do you think #2 pencils come from?"
The trees around the house are starting to bud. I said to my wife, "Honey, do you know what happens when the trees leaf out?"
A look of hopeful curiosity washed over her as she fell into my trap. "No, what?"
"Very SHADY things."
It must've reminded her that she had something else to do that was very important.
I was told the fruitarian diet you only eat things that fall from trees.
So far today I've only eaten 3 apples and an owl.
Me: Tell me a story about trees
My dad: Leaf me alone.
Sorry, I'll see myself out.
Do trees poop?
Yes, that’s how we get #2 pencils.
My daughter asked me if trees could walk...
I said yes, the just uproot and leaf.
How do trees access the Internet?
As a lumberjack, I know that I've cut 2,789 trees
I know because everytime I cut one, I keep a log
When you know your trees ready to plant.
The reason dogs make noise but trees don't is complicated...
But long story short, it's because it's a different kind of bark
My lumberjack friend told me that he'd cut down a total of 13,207 trees.
When I asked how he managed to keep count,
He replied, "I keep a log"
How many apples grow on trees?
A couple was in the forest painting words on fallen trees.
They were following their counsellor’s orders to have meaningful dye-a-log.
Why don’t trees use the train?
They can never find a root.
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees
because they are really good at it.
They say money doesn’t grow on trees
Obviously they haven’t seen the price of plywood recently
Did you hear about the band that got cancelled by PETA for their album art featuring trees made of flesh?
They caught a lot of meatwood flack
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
I took a test on trees.
A lot of the questions I was stumped on.
I was going to tell you a joke about trees...
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in. My 7yr old daughter just told me this, so proud!
Why are trees always incredibly romantic?
Did you hear about the lumberjack who cut down the wrong trees ?
He forgot his chopping list.
Growing Fruit Trees
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What do you know about growing fruit trees?" he asks the bartender. "Why do you ask?" the bartender replies. "My wife just told me to grow a pear," the guy replies. "I don't know how that's going to help me kill that spider she was complaining about...."
What do trees do during September?
Where did the magician go to find missing trees?
The harbour, so he could make them a pier.
Dad: I really don’t trust these trees
Son: Huh? What? Why?
Dad: They seem kinda…. shady
I thought all the trees were broken when they lost their leaves this winter. They're starting to come back now though.
What do you call money growing on trees?
My holiday home neighbour planted a tall row of trees blocking my view.
Yesterday, I saw a group of trees sign a paper
When the moon hits your knees and you mispronounce trees
My friend told me, "Did you know trees drop edible stuff, that aren't fruit?"
"That's nuts." I replied.
Scientists have realised that trees have a way of communicating with each other...
Dad, do trees poop?
Of course son. Where do you think number 2 pencils come from.
Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in palm trees?
What do dogs and trees have in common?
How do trees get in the internet?
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they're really good at it!
How many apples grow on trees?
Did you know that trees poop?
That’s where #2 pencils come from.
I thought all the trees were broken when they lost their leaves this winter. They're starting to come back now though.
How Come You Never See Elephants Hiding In Trees?
Because there really good at it
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