Now I have a lifetime ban from Disney world
The full name is Bathew
Because he did Nazi it coming.
Be careful to avoid bat droppings. You can catch a rare disease from them that can drive you batshit crazy.
They always fly-by-night.
It wanted to beat the crowd.
“Oh my!! I just saw an angel!!”
Serve laxatives at a party and everybody loses their shit!
Remove their brains from their skulls and everyone loses their mind...
Dad: baseball or softball?
Real life encounter with my dad. The legends are true. Dad jokes prevail.
Robin: Batman, Batman, there is a problem with the Batmobile, it does not start.
Batman: Must be the battery.
Robin: What is a tery????
Echolocation Echolocation Echolocation
But when hitler does it the whole world is against him?
They were hanging on to deer life
I saw him eating a bananananananananananananana!
He couldn't look me in the eye after what I did
As they say.. "Bit for Bat"
because they own batchelor degrees.
"You see that steeple on that church over there? Yeah, I hit it."
It's pretty bat-ass!
It was at a baseball game.
Because it's the weekend.
“There is? Well what are you waiting for? Use it to try to kill that black thing flying around.”
Echolocation, echolocation, echolocation.
Remove their brains and everybody loses their minds...
... maybe it flew away.
which is great because usually baseball bat jokes are hit or miss
Echo location location location
So I tried to cheer her up:
"Well do you know what the last thing that went through his head was?"
But if I did I'd be like "that's crazy"
he uses chemicals to remove polish and he's literally hitler.
I'm doing asbestos I can!
People who say bats can't see are just stupid. How else can they hit baseballs so well...
Dad: Is it using toilet paper?
I'm staying at my girlfriend's house this weekend. A bat got in just as we were leaving to go to the bar. She's terrified of bats, and wasn't looking forward to the idea of going back and possibly seeing a bat in her bedroom.
I told her not to worry, as it's probably not in her bedroom. I said it's likely that it'd be in the BAThroom. I think she cried a little.
I told him "Man, this is like something out of the 1930's gangster era!"
He said "No no no, it's nothing like that. Back then, they used wooden baseball bats."
At least he has a sense of humour about it.
Sister In-law: the bats were so bad last night! I saw like ten of them walking out to my car! Father In-law: What were they doing walking out to your car?!
Talking about it via a group text:
Mom: "Save the Baby! Save the Cat! Lock yourself in the bathroom!"
Sister: "What about the dog??"
Me: "I locked her in the batroom. I mean bathroom."