Mess with the bat you get the gat
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/catchingfire3HG
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
the rest of the world gradually contracted coronavirus. china got it right off the bat.
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gid__rainey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
🚨︎ report
I once tried to kill a giant mouse with a baseball bat

Now I have a lifetime ban from Disney world

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mystic_Frost69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
Did you know the name Bat is actually a short form...

The full name is Bathew

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NairodI
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
Bats not only cause Corona, they could also cause bad puns. v.redd.it/rejaq9nx7sx41
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MShafiS
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Bat htub
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobetron676
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
Every country will eventually get coronavirus, but china got it right off the bat
πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NaziMen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
What is a bat's favorite spice?

Oreguano.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
Baseball bat
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CurtisViridian
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did Hitler get whacked with a baseball bat?

Because he did Nazi it coming.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/swanky_swanker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
Rare diseases carried by bat droppings

Be careful to avoid bat droppings. You can catch a rare disease from them that can drive you batshit crazy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aiaor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
Why are bats so bad at business?

They always fly-by-night.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What has a little penis and hangs down? A bat. What has a big penis and hangs up?

click

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZZEZ73
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
To the bat mobile!!
πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Samoneggs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken go to KFC during lunch hour with a baseball bat?

It wanted to beat the crowd.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Baseball Bat (Visual Pun)
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlastLeatherwing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
People tend to not be too fond of the movie Ferngully, but I think it just has a bat rap
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/herurumeruru
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
From wizard to vampire to bat…
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shloks7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a bat fly today.

It hit a home-run.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyborgladiator
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the rat say when he saw a bat?

β€œOh my!! I just saw an angel!!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Serve alcohol at a party and nobody bats an eye

Serve laxatives at a party and everybody loses their shit!

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lachdog982
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A vampire bat returned to his colony with a lot of blood on his face. When the other bats asked him what happened he pointed to a building and said: β€œSee that cow barn over there?”

β€œI didn’t.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KingWilliamVI
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Steal everyone's eyelids and no one bats an eye...

Remove their brains from their skulls and everyone loses their mind...

πŸ‘︎ 126
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Me: Dad I have bats in my attic

Dad: baseball or softball?

Real life encounter with my dad. The legends are true. Dad jokes prevail.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crisp-high-five
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Bat-problem

Robin: Batman, Batman, there is a problem with the Batmobile, it does not start.

Batman: Must be the battery.

Robin: What is a tery????

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/geekcommunicant
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Baseball bat
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you explain getting hit with a baseball bat made of sound?

It Hertz.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pepisboi420
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What three things are most important to bats about their local real estate?

Echolocation Echolocation Echolocation

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisCGCThree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How come when women use chemicals to remove polish no one bats an eye

But when hitler does it the whole world is against him?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WattoNUFC
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Yellow bats indeed v.redd.it/xfnnv4h3ywl11
πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatoGuy339
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Things were not looking well for the elk and the bat that were in hospital after a car accident

They were hanging on to deer life

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaledonianWarrior
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Batman is a fruit bat.

I saw him eating a bananananananananananananana!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ridley_Himself
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I hit my friend with a baseball bat

He couldn't look me in the eye after what I did

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A wild bat bit me, so I bit him back..

As they say.. "Bit for Bat"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Target359
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Bats are one of the smartest animals

because they own batchelor degrees.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wayxciii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Two vampire bats in a cave, one goes out in search of fresh blood in the local village, and comes back with a face covered in red blood. His friend says "what did you eat to get all that?" The first bat replies:

"You see that steeple on that church over there? Yeah, I hit it."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/palpameme_66
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of bats swing upside down?

Acro-bats!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SnyeChan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the bat/donkey hybrid?

It's pretty bat-ass!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tippydaug
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
🚨︎ report
Are you afraid of bats? Because I saw a 3 and a half foot long one in real life!

It was at a baseball game.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyLogix
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
🚨︎ report
The bat(h)mobile
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elvisspringsteen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do baseball bats tend to break near the grip on Saturdays and Sundays?

Because it's the weekend.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSygil
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œGuys, there’s a bat in the halls.”

β€œThere is? Well what are you waiting for? Use it to try to kill that black thing flying around.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ObligatoryStory
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Three things bats consider before moving to a new cave.

Echolocation, echolocation, echolocation.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lxs_10
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Take away people's eyelids and no one bats an eye..

Remove their brains and everybody loses their minds...

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2014
🚨︎ report
A coach at softball practice said, "where did my bat go?" I said...

... maybe it flew away.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/197708156EQUJ5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I heard a great baseball bat joke

which is great because usually baseball bat jokes are hit or miss

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/americk0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
🚨︎ report
How do bats find a home?

Echo location location location

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobblepie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2017
🚨︎ report
What's a bat's favorite dessert?

Upside down cake.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kiwi-lime_Pi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2017
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend was a bit upset that she had just hit and killed a bat with her car..

So I tried to cheer her up:

"Well do you know what the last thing that went through his head was?"

"what?"

"His bum!"

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danieljr1992
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2015
🚨︎ report
I've never seen bat shit..

But if I did I'd be like "that's crazy"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notrohkaz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2017
🚨︎ report
i use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye.

he uses chemicals to remove polish and he's literally hitler.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/v_cleaner
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the bat say while potty training?

I'm doing asbestos I can!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dustyfingers
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a tree who dresses like a bat and fights crime?

Spruce Wayne

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iuseleinterwebz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2014
🚨︎ report
Bats are not blind

People who say bats can't see are just stupid. How else can they hit baseballs so well...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sachu17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2016
🚨︎ report
What do a bat and a canyon have in common?

Echolocation!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acnine
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2017
🚨︎ report
I told my dad there was a bat in his toilet

Dad: Is it using toilet paper?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Dadjoke about bats

I'm staying at my girlfriend's house this weekend. A bat got in just as we were leaving to go to the bar. She's terrified of bats, and wasn't looking forward to the idea of going back and possibly seeing a bat in her bedroom.

I told her not to worry, as it's probably not in her bedroom. I said it's likely that it'd be in the BAThroom. I think she cried a little.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neanderthal42
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2014
🚨︎ report
I showed my dad (a union rep) today's newspaper article about a union rep getting beaten with metal baseball bats

I told him "Man, this is like something out of the 1930's gangster era!"

He said "No no no, it's nothing like that. Back then, they used wooden baseball bats."

At least he has a sense of humour about it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moeburn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2015
🚨︎ report
The bats! There were so many of them!

Sister In-law: the bats were so bad last night! I saw like ten of them walking out to my car! Father In-law: What were they doing walking out to your car?!

.....

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlurpleHappens
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2014
🚨︎ report
We had a bat in our house...

Talking about it via a group text:

Mom: "Save the Baby! Save the Cat! Lock yourself in the bathroom!"

Sister: "What about the dog??"

Me: "I locked her in the batroom. I mean bathroom."

All: groans

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/araiff
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2014
🚨︎ report
What did the US say when England was up at bat in a baseball game?

Europe!!

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Robosho
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2013
🚨︎ report
After the cat brought in a bat.

The cat brought in a bat last night.

Dad:" the cats new name is joker" Me: "why?" Dad:" because he always chasing the batman" Me:"sign"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Unnamedwookie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2015
🚨︎ report

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