Go take a bath-sheba.
πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shitzlegz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to give the cat a bath today while she was at work

My tongue is soo sore right now.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danspud69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
A nun is having a bath when she hears a knock of the door....

She says "who is it?"

"It's the blind man" comes the response.

Ok, thinks the nun. "Come in then".

In walks the man; "nice tits, now where do you want this blind?"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atheistmil
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked me if I can make her a bath

I’ve never built a bath before, can someone help me with plumbing it in?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cozzo123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
Why do ghosts avoid Bed Bath and Beyond after eating Taco Bell?

They don’t want to get the sheets!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1derin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
My wife had a hard day at work, so I drew her a warm bath...

She didn't really seem to appreciate the sketch but it went on the fridge anyway...

Edit: I thunk up a better punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
What's the best kinda bath bomb

A toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/faraaah02
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.

Don't they carry essential oils?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CSwork1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
What do you call a terrorist in the bath

A bath bomb

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tomcrew10
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?

Eu-reek-a

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itinerant24
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
Told my son to go take a bath. He said no.

He is no thief.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shearthly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you use to draw baths

Water colors

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cornelius_M
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...

I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nagennif
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?

It will surely end in a cat-astrophe

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fall-Risk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I accidentally dropped my phone in the bath yesterday. Some water got stuck in between the phone and it’s cover. I thought my phone was waterproof.

But apparently not in this case.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phuonganh98
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?

Luke-warm

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/franz-hanz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What makes a bath tub get really hot?

A Shower Head

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FragmentedAll
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do Japanese mafiosi take a bath?

In a yakuzzi

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...

...but I can't even finish drinking the hot bath...

πŸ‘︎ 596
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Golden Shower Bath and Kitchen Co.
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wattayagonnado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
So I wanted to take a milk bath yesterday.

When I got into the tub, I asked my gf to pour milk into the tub with me. She questioned, "pasteurized?" No honey, just to my waist please.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
2 monkeys are sharing a bath

#1: ooh Oeh ah ah!

#2: oh sorry, is it too hot?

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Absolute1790
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
While my girlfriend was cleaning. I was giving my daughter a bath. My daughter kept putting her rubber ducks on my shoulder.. So I told my girlfriend I need to see a chiropractor. Because my shoulder keeps quacking!! She was not happy about this..
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Irorii
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Lady wants to take a milk bath...

Lady left the Milk Man a note on her empty milk bottles, asking him to come see her before he left.

Milk Man comes by, reads the note, goes up to the lady’s house, knocks on the lady’s door and says, β€œyou wanted to see me?”

Lady says, β€œyes, I read that taking milk baths is good for your skin, so I’d like for you to bring me enough milk to fill my bathtub, can you do that?”,

Milk Man says, β€œI sure can, would you like that milk pasteurized?”

Lady says, β€œno, just up to my nipples would be good”.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mitch_igan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one gamer say to the other in the bath?

Git gud scrub

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What is an Indian king's favorite type of bath?

A-soak-a

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rebelli65
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What was the man when he woke up in the bath?

So confused.

(Say it out loud)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/biyourzui
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Black Saab Bath
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coreysimulator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I was shocked to learn that electricity and bath time don’t mix
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rover-II
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Bill and Ben were in the bath...

Bill said: "flobalobalob"

so Ben said: "you dirty b*stard, that stinks"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EliotBee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My cat just recently got neutered and I figured I’d give him a bath

Too bad he didn’t have the balls to enter the tub

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vanille117
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Out of the blue, I decided to take my wife to a commercial establishment offering health and beauty treatment through such means as steam baths, exercise equipment, and massage

You could say the decision was pretty spa-radic

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Avasnay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A small city in Michigan, named Bath. What could go wrong? reddit.com/r/Michigan/com…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Buddah_baddy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Today I walked in on my wife taking a bath in a tub full of mouthwash

I caught her in the act

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
🚨︎ report
What temperature does Luke Skywalker like his baths?

Lukewarm.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call Archimedes when he takes a bath?

Professor Soak

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MansSad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What dog loves to take bubble baths?

A shampoodle!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
To remove scale from the bath, acid works much better than a base

I'm not gonna lye

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/upliv2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Last time I was in my friend's house I took a bath

I just think it fits better in my bathroom

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/qrefahrt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Queen Cleopatra and the bath of milk

The royal court of Egypt hires a new bath servant for Queen Cleopatra.

The Queen walks into her royal bath chamber disrobes and climbs into her empty bath.

β€œPlease fill my bath with milk”

β€œPasteurised?”

β€œJust up to my tits will be fine”

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewbaccaNZ
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I want to make a joke about a bath

But even then, people wouldn't shower me with compliments

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeb_Screb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Where does Bruce Wayne take baths?

In the Bat-Tub!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skatalon2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Take a Bath

Dad: Did you take a bath?
Me: Yes.
Dad: Then take it back, we don't need two.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Awesome_Riley
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Driving in the car and my Dad has suddenly just announced β€˜my nickname is Spider-Man. Not because I have any special powers, it’s because I can’t get out of the bath’.
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
🚨︎ report
I gave my cat a bath yesterday and she loved it.

The worst part was getting all the hair off of my tongue.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IPOD_man02468
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
🚨︎ report
When's the best time to take a bath?

Two dirty.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dougeff
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
🚨︎ report
There’s two monkeys in a bath

One of them goes β€œooh ooh ooh ah aha ah ah”, the other says β€œwell put some bleeding cold in then!”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OrangeJuiceAlibi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Got my wife yesterday when she took me to bed bath and beyond

She wanted to buy a mirror and asked me for my opinion.. I told her.

"I can see myself buying this "

She groaned , and was worth it..

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/un4r
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Me:Dad, did you take a bath today? You smell!

Dad: no.... Is one missing?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRedMammon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2017
🚨︎ report
So we bought my sister some bath lotions

Cashier: "Will this be all for you?"

Dad: "No, this is a gift for my daughter"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scubamane
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to take a quick bath before leaving

I said, "But the slower ones are easier to catch."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Iamgurt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2017
🚨︎ report
I was giving my newborn a bath...

So the bub was in the tub and I was giving his scalp a scrub.

Our baby doesn't care too much for people rubbing his scalp so I start singing "No, I don't want no scrub."

My wife walks in and asks me if I am having any luck with clearing up his cradle cap.

"Well honey, things have been going a lot better since I tried a little bit of TLC. "

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adomental
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Why did the bath sponge have trouble making friends?

He was a loofah.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wigglewam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2015
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were robbed leaving Bed Bath and Beyond.

He came at us with a knife! We were scared sheetless.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snesman99
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2016
🚨︎ report
At Bed Bath and Beyond I was looking for an "up" pillow.

What's an "up" pillow, you might ask? It's the same as a down alternative pillow!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DailyCupOfCoffee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2016
🚨︎ report
Two monkeys in a bath tub

The first monkey says "ooh ooh aah aah"

The second replies "put some cold in then"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jackere24
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
🚨︎ report
"Honey, can you draw me a bath?" "No problem :)"

http://i.imgur.com/0JY3EbN.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lorik_Quiin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2014
🚨︎ report
Bath time for the little one.

Wife: Will you go upstairs and draw a bath for the baby?
Me: Sure.
<leaves room>
<comes back>
Me: I forgot my pencil.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XenoRyet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Wife asked me to draw a bath for our son.

I brought her a piece of paper and told her I couldn't find a pen.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IngramCB
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2015
🚨︎ report
I'm Going to Take a Bath

Dad: Be sure to bring it back when you're done with it.

(Originally my Dad's, now mine...)

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/srt19170
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2013
🚨︎ report
Ryan is taking a bath.

Ryan's dad says to the mom, "Ryan wants you to wash his hair."

"Ugh!" she replies, "I'd rather lie in bed."

"I know you would," says dad, "but I'd lather Ry instead."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HughJamerican
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2016
🚨︎ report
My brother fell asleep drunk whilst in a bath

They call him BathMan

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Viperdream
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Two monkeys were taking a bath...

One monkey said "OOO OOO AAH AAH!"

The other said "Why don't you put some more cold water in?"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Taodyn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2013
🚨︎ report
Drawing a bath

My wife says to me: "I am going to draw a bath..."

I say to wife: "Are you going to use crayons or markers?"

Wife's love for me proceeds to die just a little...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fudgebert
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2015
🚨︎ report
Bath Time

Wife: Can you run the kids a bath?

Me: Sure, where would you like me to run it to?

Wife: ...The tub.

Me: Then I'll just end up back where I started!

Wife: ....... leaves the room

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aw_Hell_Naw
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2014
🚨︎ report

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