A hammerhead shark made from hammer heads
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vermillion_-_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
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Once i told a hammer joke

I nailed it.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DimitkoRD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
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What happens to the files in my Dell laptop when I smash it with a hammer?

They get Dell-eted

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sylveon10101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
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This guy with a hammer kept screaming like it was an emergency...

This is not a drill! This is not a drill! STOP!

.

.

.

Hammer time!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConfidentDuck1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
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β€œI need some nails and a hammer”-fiancΓ©

β€˜I have 10 nails but I’d rather not hit them with a hammer.’ -me

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nightowl024
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
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I never like going over to MC Hammers house

He never lets me touch anything

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
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My son just played "Don't Break The Ice" by himself with two hammers and exclaimed "I won!"

To which I replied "but on the other hand, you lost"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/badenglishihave
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
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What do you call a bearded man holding a Hammer and a Sickle

A Bolsheviking.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daxx_banjar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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What do you call a hammer bought in april 1st?

April tool

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/9874123456
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
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Hammer time!
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bondmemebond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a cookie and a hammer?

Cookie crumbs!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RSGaming0416
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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Hit the hammer that judges have and says β€œworm court is in session”. Then says

β€œAll writhe”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Babyblu4321
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I was helping my dad with construction he told me to get the hammer but I accidentally gave him the drill

He said I could have nailed it, but I screwed up

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhoIsPharoah17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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Why the did hammer hit the nail through the wall.

To drive the point across.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Meet my new friend - hammer.
πŸ‘︎ 230
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Miks0nGraWGry
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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A ribeye looks over at the spiky hammer, and asks the cube steak, "What's that?"

Cube steak: beats me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nutbagger18
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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A hammer.

Does that ring a bell?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BingSerious
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why doesn't Thor keep his hammer by his chest?

Because that's where his thorax is.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XiaoFhang2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you ever been in MC Hammer's house?

It's horrible, you can't touch anything

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kortbug2000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
This hammerhead shark made of hammer heads.
πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddituser_373
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the hammer feel bad?

Because he hit his head.

(From my 5yr old daughter; I’m so proud)

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElricGreywolf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
If thor throws his hammer a long distance,

Does that make it Mjol-far?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/toasterwaffle90
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Home Depot wouldn't let me buy a hammer in store.

They said they have to mallet to me.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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Me: "Dad, why are you banging a hammer on the rib roast?"

Dad: "Just fixing dinner."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
How fast did thors hammer get destroyed?

Hela fast

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarchmallowMax
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I was trying to hammer down a loose board at the cottage...

I'm not much of a craftsman but my fiancΓ© says I nailed it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain-Americano
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A 16oz hammer is a pounder.
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drunk98
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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I just bought this cool electronic hammer.

I guess you could call it a battery ram.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mc-Breezy-Butt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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Had an argument with my wife earlier. We were fighting hammer and tong...

She won, She had the hammer.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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Did you hear about the hammer's performance at work?

He nailed it!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cfunman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Chain Saw and Hammer Drill imgur.com/rUlPQDT
πŸ‘︎ 200
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jambronia
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2017
🚨︎ report
My Dad says I hammer like lightning!

I never strike in the same place twice.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dimick1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the hammer say after hanging up the poster

Nailed it!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/austinjmulka
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I hate watching hammer throw.

Just a bunch of people throwing their weight around.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lambusy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened when the Norse God of Thunder dropped his hammer on his hand?

He had a Thor Thumb.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I spent fifteen minutes trying to teach my daughter how to hit a nail with a hammer today.

But in the end she just got board with it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BiteTheBullet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
The Jack hammer was a ground breaking invention.
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vodka_twinkie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
🚨︎ report
My son was having trouble figuring out how to use a hammer and nails.

I told him, β€œScrew it.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife encourages me to have a lot of hammers...

We're in a poly-hammerous relationship

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shauncheese
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
A blind man picked up a hammer and saw.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smellyarmpit666
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Miley Cyrus licks a hammer and everyone loves it but

I do it and get kicked out of the hardware shop Β―\_(ツ)_/Β―

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kalas_critic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
How do they figure out the price of a hammer?

Per pound

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
🚨︎ report
So, after shopping for a hammer this weekend...

I'm curious if they are priced by the pound.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiacTD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the piece of wood break up with the hammer?

Because he was nailing other boards.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report
"Oh I see," said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.

My grandfather's favorite dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Motorhead450
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you hear MC Hammer has a new album of George Gerswhin covers?

Rap CD in Blue.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2018
🚨︎ report
After I had bent three nails in a row with my hammer...

My dad said "Screw it."

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did Thor hit a sick man with his hammer?

He was trying to norse him back to health.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2017
🚨︎ report
What did Jesus Christ say when he hit his thumb with a hammer?

"Me!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big-Red-Dog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the blind guy who picked up a hammer and saw?
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calasada
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2016
🚨︎ report
I heard Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer were making a sequel movie

The Loan Ranger: Collecting Interest

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a ladder and a hammer? --You can't climb the latter.
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MV10
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad dropped the hammer

My dad, who is Indian, lives in a small college town with a small community of modest, nerdy Indians.

Enter the one fashionista who shows up at a get together sporting a DKNY shirt. My dad walks up, seemingly completely ignorant, and loudly asks, "WHAT IS THIS DONKEY SHIRT?"

Fashionista cried. I died.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tanman1975
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the wall trust the hammer?

The wall knew that hammer always nailed it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2016
🚨︎ report
Why would MC Hammer be a good employee at a museum?

Don't touch that!

One of my dads.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kenmccamman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2013
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who vandalized a park bench with a hammer?

It was an act of mallets.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/risingpowers
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2015
🚨︎ report
Today my father hit his thumb with a hammer while holding a nail. He asked me how he could have avoided it.

He answered "just hold the hammer with two hands instead"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExeRanger
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2015
🚨︎ report
I never had MC Hammer's pants...

...because I can't touch this.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bitbee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2015
🚨︎ report
"I see" said the blind carpenter, as he picked up his hammer and saw.

These go on for days all based on similar puns

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGeorge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
🚨︎ report

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