I was jogging and got sprayed by a salting truck

I called the police station and said I was assaulted.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rubNTugInc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I love salt jokes...

They’re just sodium funny

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cold_Adhesive
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper water would make them sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnEvilSunBro
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
If you have the soldiers named Salt and Pepper in your squad then consider yourself lucky.

They're seasoned veterans

πŸ‘︎ 276
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FartyMcFry89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
When asked if he had family in Salt Lake City, Robert de Niro replied,

"Utah kin to me?"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VagabondVivant
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.

My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"

She then left the room, cackling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danieltkessler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a molecule of table salt and the late Sean Connery?

One has an ionic bond. The other was the iconic Bond.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
A salt rifle.
πŸ‘︎ 154
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alamkh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard a salt joke the other day.

It was sodium.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soloazn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
So proud of my daughter for this one... "Why do fishes swim in salt water?"

Because pepper would make them sneeze!

She's six. She's awesome.

EDIT: Woo highest rated post, thanks to my kid. Also, I never said she wrote it! She just told it to me. So there.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanphi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin, to draw out excess moisture....

WOW....I'm cured.

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
From Crackhead Craigslist
πŸ‘︎ 466
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ehnoscentteaya
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Who does Mr. Salt go to when he has back pain?

Dr. Pepper.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodEveningItsAsa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Torque appropriated circumstances call for -in kind- repeat applied force when concerned with most of yer dried and salted pork products and jovial responses.
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brutalproduct
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Salt Bridges
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackfrancis75
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Proud Dad Moment

Last month, a guy in Cincinnati stole a salt truck and led police on a 30 minute chase. (true story) At one point he tried to dump the load of salt on a police car. I told my teenage daughter this and she looked at me with a straight face and said β€œI guess they’re going to arrest him for assaulting an officer.” 😁

Never been prouder of my daughter. 😎

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisgoggs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
A salt with a deadly weapon!
πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/raffar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
It's a salt
πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/asdfghjkl-__-
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
WARNING: There is an email going around offering processed pork, Gelatin and salt in a can. If you get this email DO NOT OPEN

It’s spam

πŸ‘︎ 167
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A salt rifle
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aayush_aryan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the soldier who was attacked with mustard gas and pepper spray?

He was a seasoned veteran!

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clkish1988
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Lawyer - Is it crime to throw salt in someone's eyes?

Judge - Yes, that's assault!

Lawyer - I know it's a salt but is it a crime?

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A Salt Rifle
πŸ‘︎ 839
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hungrylemonhaha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: There's no salt on this. Mom: Well, it's hard to see salt.

Dad: But can you table salt?

Mom: I don't know, let's discuss that next time.

Edit: To be honest I'm a little salty about the bland reaction this dad/mom joke got :)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/likeabutterdream
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the angry salt say to the rest of the spices?

Don't pinch me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GetItGotItProfIt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I was supposed to go to a salt an pepa concert last week

Unfortunately, due to lockdown, they had to push it

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuyM3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife: We are out of salt.

Me: 0mg

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/11TigOlBiddies11
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I threw a Duracell at someone's head the other day and it cracked his skull

I was arrested and charged with battery

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueandgoldilocks
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I work in a kitchen and my colleague threw a satchet of salt at me and said

You’ve just been a-salted

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cordite96
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
salt
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sadqwer123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said that the steak was over-seasoned

But she says that a lot, so take it with a grain of salt.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ramiel01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Next time you see a packet of salt at a restaurant, throw it at your friend.

Then say, β€œThat’s a salt!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How did salt’s friend survive the apocalypse

He was a doomsday pepper

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cadlinkr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I lived in Salt Lake Utah

That makes me a SLUT resident

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gun made of Sodium Chloride?

An A-Salt Rifle.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Chxrles
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Salt
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sunnyyixuanchen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dad just said this one in the drive-thru not 2 minutes ago

First Window staffer, who takes the payment: "Hi, it's $7.30 (said like 'seven-thirty')

My Father: "No it's not, it's only 1 o' clock"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefishwhisperer1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey son, today I told your science teacher a joke about salt, and she said...

"That's sodium funny!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Myusernameisfish
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
How many grains of salt are in a salt shaker.

A Lot

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astronaut12
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do seals swim in salt water ?

Because, pepper water makes them sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmmaTFox131
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I was supposed to go to a salt n pepa concert next week

Unfortunately, due to the coronavirus they had to push it

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuyM3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because they would sneeze in pepper water!

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sleepypanda59
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ardensulled
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report

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