I was jogging and got sprayed by a salting truck
I called the police station and said I was assaulted.
I love salt jokes...
They’re just sodium funny
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze.
If you have the soldiers named Salt and Pepper in your squad then consider yourself lucky.
They're seasoned veterans
When asked if he had family in Salt Lake City, Robert de Niro replied,
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
What’s the difference between a molecule of table salt and the late Sean Connery?
One has an ionic bond. The other was the iconic Bond.
I heard a salt joke the other day.
So proud of my daughter for this one... "Why do fishes swim in salt water?"
Because pepper would make them sneeze!
She's six. She's awesome.
EDIT: Woo highest rated post, thanks to my kid. Also, I never said she wrote it! She just told it to me. So there.
My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin, to draw out excess moisture....
From Crackhead Craigslist
Who does Mr. Salt go to when he has back pain?
Proud Dad Moment
Last month, a guy in Cincinnati stole a salt truck and led police on a 30 minute chase. (true story) At one point he tried to dump the load of salt on a police car. I told my teenage daughter this and she looked at me with a straight face and said “I guess they’re going to arrest him for assaulting an officer.” 😁
Never been prouder of my daughter. 😎
Torque appropriated circumstances call for -in kind- repeat applied force when concerned with most of yer dried and salted pork products and jovial responses.
A salt with a deadly weapon!
Did you hear about the soldier who was attacked with mustard gas and pepper spray?
He was a seasoned veteran!
WARNING: There is an email going around offering processed pork, Gelatin and salt in a can. If you get this email DO NOT OPEN
Lawyer - Is it crime to throw salt in someone's eyes?
Judge - Yes, that's assault!
Lawyer - I know it's a salt but is it a crime?
Son: There's no salt on this. Mom: Well, it's hard to see salt.
Dad: But can you table salt?
Mom: I don't know, let's discuss that next time.
Edit: To be honest I'm a little salty about the bland reaction this dad/mom joke got :)
What did the angry salt say to the rest of the spices?
I threw a Duracell at someone's head the other day and it cracked his skull
I was arrested and charged with battery
I was supposed to go to a salt an pepa concert last week
Unfortunately, due to lockdown, they had to push it
Wife: We are out of salt.
I work in a kitchen and my colleague threw a satchet of salt at me and said
You’ve just been a-salted
Son, take the bible with a grain of salt...
... hence, don't take it as gospel.
My wife said that the steak was over-seasoned
But she says that a lot, so take it with a grain of salt.
Next time you see a packet of salt at a restaurant, throw it at your friend.
Then say, “That’s a salt!”
How did salt’s friend survive the apocalypse
I lived in Salt Lake Utah
That makes me a SLUT resident
What do you call a gun made of Sodium Chloride?
My Dad just said this one in the drive-thru not 2 minutes ago
First Window staffer, who takes the payment: "Hi, it's $7.30 (said like 'seven-thirty')
My Father: "No it's not, it's only 1 o' clock"
Hey son, today I told your science teacher a joke about salt, and she said...
How many grains of salt are in a salt shaker.
Why do seals swim in salt water ?
Because, pepper water makes them sneeze.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
I was supposed to go to a salt n pepa concert next week
Unfortunately, due to the coronavirus they had to push it
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because they would sneeze in pepper water!
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze
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