One long ass pun
There was this scientist that discovered a way to keep porpoises alive forever. Problem was that he had to feed them baby sea gulls Well the sea gull was a protect species so he had to be careful. Well one night he was bringing some back to the lab. It was very dark and he ran over a lion that was sleeping in the middle of the road A cop sees all this and you know what he arrested him for ? Carrying underaged gurls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises
This is not original. I read it in a book of puns 40 years ago. I do not know which one I would like to give it credit but it was 40 years ago
Is it just me or does Wisconsin always smell like ass?
I assume its because of all the dairy air.
When the doctors told me I have cancer I laughed my ass off
they said I have a great sense of tumour
What do you call a croissant with no ass?
What do you call a weird person with an ass fetish?
I once ate two pieces of string and an hour later they came out my ass tied together
I was trying to tell some ass jokes...
If somebody slaps Dwayne Johnson’s ass
They’re hitting rock bottom...
My wife just told me she wanted her ass 8.
I told her that was just ass 9.
My friend Shirley was obsessedwith adverb grammar but would never get off her ass.
We called her Slowly Butt Shirley
I don’t wash my ass
Because I don’t let shit bother me
Did you hear about the guy without any ass?
What do you call a Batman who just returned from a fight and got his ass kicked?
What do you call a smart-ass optometrist?
I named my hard drive "dat ass"
So once a month my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'.
Looks like someone's working his ass off
Platinum ass is about to get steelen
My friend looked at me and said, “That’s a nice-ass shirt you are wearing!”
I said, “Thanks, but I think we call them pants, not an ass shirt.”
What do you call a smart-ass prisoner falling down the stairs ?
A condescending con descending.
Yesterday I slapped Dwayne Johnson's ass.
I've officially hit rock bottom.
Do you know your ass from a hole in the ground?
My favorite toilet paper was discontinued. Nobody prepared me for how much of a pain in the ass it is to find a new favorite.
My cousin is the most bad ass person I know
When he poops the whole house stinks.
People usually say, “let’s blow this popsicle stand,” when they are at a place where people are cold and have the proverbial, “stick up their ass.”
If he don’t love you anymore, just walk your slime ass out the door...
I've made a real ass of myself
10% of women think their ass is too skinny....20% of women think their ass is too fat...
...60% of say they don’t care, they love him, he is a good man. And they wouldn’t trade him for the world.
I was going to recommend these chips but they taste like ass.
An evil proctologist would be a pain in the ass.
The Chinese Coronavirus is really starting to kick people’s ass worldwide.
Should call it, Kung Flu.
These people buying up all the toilet paper can shove it up their ass.
I tried these S brand mints, they tasted like ass.
But that's just my ass-ess-ment.
A man lost his keys in the supermarket, so when he returned to his car, he just rubbed his ass against it
He was wearing khaki trousers
A kid hit me with a bottle of wine, what a champagne in the ass
And then I hit him back and he kept on WINEing
I slapped Dwayne Johnson’s ass.
I then realized I had hit the rock bottom.
If you hit Dwayne Johnson's ass
Does it mean you hit rock bottom
Anyone who slaps Dwayne Johnson's ass
Has really hit rock bottom.
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