i shit you knot!
The doctor said his condition was stable
It was a cat-ass-trophy
On his way out to work this morning he says "That Leon Musk and Bill Bates are incredible aren't they?"
I said "Elon, Gates"
He says "Sorry son I haven't got the time, they're just great ok!"
Arse skin for a friend.
A Sore arse-saurus
For all the good they've done me I might as well as shoved them up my arse.
it was music to my arse!
"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".
So I guess he committed Arse-on
It was a pain in the arse
He couldn’t pull a rabbit out a hat but he could pull a hare out his arse
To be honest it’s a massive plane in the arse
Arse skin for a friend
I call it my semicolon
It's genie arse.
...you might get arse-nic poisoning.
it was a real pain in the arse.
Mom: "Honey, could you please go turn the grill on?"
Dad: "Should I take my pants off in front of it?!"
Mom is confused and my father and I are laughing our arses off!!
I gave my arse a nick.
He said his result was ARSE.
Not really sure if it qualifies as a 'dad joke', but I laughed my arse off. He was telling me about a joke he played on my mum when they were younger, before I was born.
We're from Australia, and there's a lot of places out woopwoop that are just empty. Him and mum were driving in the middle of bumfuck nowheresville, and they came up to a train crossing. Only thing is, because of where it was, there weren't any boom gates; it was just the track cutting through the middle of the road. On each side of the road was really high grass, so he actually had to poke the car out a bit so it was on the tracks to be able to see on either side. So he pulls the car out (in Australia, the driver is on the right side of the car instead of the left), and he looks to his right. No train coming. He looks to his left, and mum also looks left. Dad sticks his hand out the window, screams NO!!! and slams his hand on the side of the door really hard. It scared the shit out of mum so much that she actually started crying. He told me this and we both posses ourselves laughing for about 10 minutes.
At the dining room table, younger sister is talking about her intro to Spanish class and I passively mention "I was never really good at rolling my r's."
Right after I say this, my stepdad begins sliding in a circle in his chair. When I finally say "What are you doing!?" he responds:
"I'm rolling my arse."
I shit you knot.
The doctors described his condition as "stable"...
Arse skin for a friend.
Me: "Are you all right dad? It wasn't too bad, was it?"
Dad: "It was a pain in the arse."
