25 Hilarious Bum Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

Anyone got any good jokes about bums?

I've got piles

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👤︎ u/Greedy-North-5061

📅︎ Nov 22 2020

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Daughter, 6, getting her hair brushed this morning: “Dad, I need a new bum”

Me, eyebrow raised: “And why is that sweetheart?”

Her: “Because mine has a crack in it!”

I actually laughed. I don’t really know where she heard the joke or if she even knows why it’s funny, but it’s a good start to the day.

Proud dad moment.

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👤︎ u/azureal

📅︎ Jun 29 2020

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I once saw an Egyptian pharaoh honk his horn and put his bum cheeks up to the window of his vehicle.

It was a toot and car moon.

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👤︎ u/TommehBoi

📅︎ Aug 13 2020

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It's that beat that makes you pump your bum

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👤︎ u/LogangYeddu

📅︎ Feb 01 2020

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"German talent show contestants puts string of sausages up her bum" .. this performance was the wurst

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👤︎ u/cowenpa

📅︎ Nov 11 2019

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Bum deal...

I bought my bidet on sale!

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/Reclaim2020dotcom

📅︎ Apr 15 2020

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Bum me up!

Years ago I thought my “communicator” would be used to beam me aboard my ship, or call for assistance in case of hostile aliens. Instead, it reminds me to take out the trash and that my colonoscopy is due.

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👤︎ u/DinglebarryHandpump

📅︎ Feb 07 2020

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My wife had the audacity to call me a lazy bum today...

Just as I was right in the middle of taking down the Christmas decorations...

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👤︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod

📅︎ Sep 20 2019

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Had this off my daughter earlier. “I think my bum is broken”

It’s got a crack in it!

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👤︎ u/butternutssquished

📅︎ Dec 17 2019

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“Doctor, I think I have a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bum!”

Doctor: I’m sorry to tell you that it is just the tip of the iceberg.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Apr 15 2018

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"Oh Tannin' Bum" digitally colorized.

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👤︎ u/EvenBetterCool

📅︎ Dec 19 2018

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Why did the President of the U.S. blow hot air up his dog's bum?

Because it's a Trump-pet

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👤︎ u/plankyy

📅︎ Apr 10 2019

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Doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck in my bum

Doctor: Don’t worry, I’ve got some cream for that.

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👤︎ u/unclejr

📅︎ Feb 02 2019

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What do you call a baguette up your bum?

A pain in the ass!

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👤︎ u/VorticoseTax

📅︎ Feb 26 2018

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Why did the pirate have a sandy bum?

He tried to bury his booty.

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👤︎ u/Gareththegood

📅︎ Jan 06 2019

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As she was leaving for work today, my wife shouted at me, "You're nothing but a lazy bum!"

That's not what I wanted to hear as I was taking down the Christmas decorations...

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter

📅︎ Apr 26 2018

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I tested out my new bum shaking machine today

It twerks

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👤︎ u/m_eight

📅︎ Oct 23 2014

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Need advice: My 16-year old son is a beach bum who failed his Trig test today

He brought it home for me to sign. I guess his tan is more important to him. Help. How do I be square with him?

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👤︎ u/Freklred

📅︎ Jan 12 2016

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Dad! Our cat just won the prize for the 'best cat bum contest!'

Dad: That is a catastrophe

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👤︎ u/originalgeorge

📅︎ Oct 20 2017

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What is the difference between a letterbox and an elephant's bum?

You don't know? Remind me never to ask you to post a letter

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👤︎ u/PoglaTheGrate

📅︎ May 15 2017

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Before our tour of the sugar factory, my uncle warned us that it will smell of rodent bums

Because of all the mole asses.

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👤︎ u/jasoSwan

📅︎ Dec 17 2015

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Bum Fodder

Toilet roll. Bum fodder, because it's fodder bum.

(My boyfriend actually made this dad joke, he's not even a dad)

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👤︎ u/tinkerbe11

📅︎ May 03 2014

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Heard this exchange between two bums today

Two old bums were sitting on the corner as I was waiting to cross the street and I overheard this conversation.

Bum 1: what are we gonna eat today?

Bum 2: I thought you were buying food. You got $20 a few days ago.

Bum 1: I'm so poor I forgot to pay attention

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👤︎ u/gilflover

📅︎ Dec 05 2015

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What do you call a pirate's bum?

An ARRRRRRse.

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👤︎ u/shadowgoose

📅︎ Apr 28 2014

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"Doctor there is a strawberry sticking out of my bum"

Doctor: "I have some cream for that."

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👤︎ u/lazlowoodbine

📅︎ Apr 16 2018

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