From my 9 year old son: Dad, what hand do you wipe your bum with? Me: My right hand......

Response: EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR, I use toilet paper.

Well played, boy.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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I want a new bum for Christmas

Mine has a crack in it

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emc_242
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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What is the difference between a man in a tuxedo riding a bicycle and a bum on a tricycle?

Attire

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeGuy1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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Anyone got any good jokes about bums?

I've got piles

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Greedy-North-5061
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Daughter, 6, getting her hair brushed this morning: β€œDad, I need a new bum”

Me, eyebrow raised: β€œAnd why is that sweetheart?”

Her: β€œBecause mine has a crack in it!”

I actually laughed. I don’t really know where she heard the joke or if she even knows why it’s funny, but it’s a good start to the day.

Proud dad moment.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/azureal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I once saw an Egyptian pharaoh honk his horn and put his bum cheeks up to the window of his vehicle.

It was a toot and car moon.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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It's that beat that makes you pump your bum
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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"German talent show contestants puts string of sausages up her bum" .. this performance was the wurst
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cowenpa
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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Bum deal...

I bought my bidet on sale!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reclaim2020dotcom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Bum me up!

Years ago I thought my β€œcommunicator” would be used to beam me aboard my ship, or call for assistance in case of hostile aliens. Instead, it reminds me to take out the trash and that my colonoscopy is due.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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My wife had the audacity to call me a lazy bum today...

Just as I was right in the middle of taking down the Christmas decorations...

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Had this off my daughter earlier. β€œI think my bum is broken”

It’s got a crack in it!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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β€œDoctor, I think I have a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bum!”

Doctor: I’m sorry to tell you that it is just the tip of the iceberg.

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
"Oh Tannin' Bum" digitally colorized.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EvenBetterCool
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a baguette up your bum?

A pain in the ass!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VorticoseTax
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the President of the U.S. blow hot air up his dog's bum?

Because it's a Trump-pet

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/plankyy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck in my bum

Doctor: Don’t worry, I’ve got some cream for that.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclejr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the pirate have a sandy bum?

He tried to bury his booty.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gareththegood
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I tested out my new bum shaking machine today

It twerks

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/m_eight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2014
🚨︎ report
As she was leaving for work today, my wife shouted at me, "You're nothing but a lazy bum!"

That's not what I wanted to hear as I was taking down the Christmas decorations...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Need advice: My 16-year old son is a beach bum who failed his Trig test today

He brought it home for me to sign. I guess his tan is more important to him. Help. How do I be square with him?

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Dad! Our cat just won the prize for the 'best cat bum contest!'

Dad: That is a catastrophe

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/originalgeorge
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2017
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between a letterbox and an elephant's bum?

You don't know? Remind me never to ask you to post a letter

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoglaTheGrate
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Before our tour of the sugar factory, my uncle warned us that it will smell of rodent bums

Because of all the mole asses.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jasoSwan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2015
🚨︎ report
Bum Fodder

Toilet roll. Bum fodder, because it's fodder bum.

(My boyfriend actually made this dad joke, he's not even a dad)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinkerbe11
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2014
🚨︎ report
Heard this exchange between two bums today

Two old bums were sitting on the corner as I was waiting to cross the street and I overheard this conversation.

Bum 1: what are we gonna eat today?

Bum 2: I thought you were buying food. You got $20 a few days ago.

Bum 1: I'm so poor I forgot to pay attention

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gilflover
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pirate's bum?

An ARRRRRRse.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadowgoose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
🚨︎ report
"Doctor there is a strawberry sticking out of my bum"

Doctor: "I have some cream for that."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lazlowoodbine
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
🚨︎ report

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