When my grandpa got sick, the doctor told us to smear lard all over his backside every day...

He went downhill really fast after that.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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What would you get if a dinosaur kicked you in the backside?

A mega sore ass.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
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Bathroom dad joked my eight year old

My three year old daughter needs help wiping her backside after using the bathroom (#2) sometimes. It's that or she might get a rash... oh, the joys of parenting. My eight year old son was in the hallway.

Son: Dad, why do you need to help [daughter] wipe her butt?

Me: Because she does a shitty job.

(Yes, in the interest of the dad joke, I did say shit to my eight year old. He's heard it before.)

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ‘€︎ u/dtsjr
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2014
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Aslan is a God which means he is as old as the universe.

And on his backside is a tail as old as time.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/yzRPhu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
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This farmer had a prize show bull.

This bull had won best in show awards. Groomed daily, perfect stance, it was a great bull.

One day the farmer goes out and sees the bull has gone cross-eyed. This was going to ruin ant chance of future awards, so he called the livestock vet out.

The veterinarian gets there and examines the bull, realizes he's seen this happen before and grabs a narrow metal tube from the back of his truck.

He brings the tube over and jams the tip of it into the bulls hind end and proceeds to blow as hard as he can through the end of it.

The farmer looks at the bulls eyes as the vet is blowing into the bulls backside and says "it's working! I see his eyes straightening right up, keep doing it!"

The vet blows and blows his face and cheeks turning red and finally says, "I'm out of breath I can't do it anymore, his eyes are almost straight you'll have to finish"

The farmer comes over and grabs the tube, pulls it out, turns it around and puts it back in the other way, the vet stops him and says, "What on Earth are you doing?"

The farmer says, "Well I don't want to put my mouth on the same end you did!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amd20555
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
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