I saw a bumper sticker saying β€œI am a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal”

Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the road.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
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We got sent extra bumper plates for weight lifting.
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
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I seem to have misplaced my bumper book of childish humour

I wonder where I poo tit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fingerbob73
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
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What did one bumper sticker say to the exact same bumper sticker?

We're iden-decals!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baloads
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits...

He loves being in the limelight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.

They stole the sticker and left the car.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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I met the inventor of the car bumper today.

I think I made an impression.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elokwins
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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I saw a car with a β€œHow am I driving?” bumper sticker.

So I called the phone number listed and said, β€œI think it’s with your steering wheel.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
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I rear ended a car with a Jesus bumper sticker on it.

I stopped in the Name of the Lord.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
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I drove threw a flock of seagulls the other day. One of them hit my bumper, flew over my car and struck and police car behind me.

I got arrested for flipping him the bird.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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There was a horrible accident in my town yesterday. A kid was playing with a yo-yo and it somehow got caught in a car's bumper. The car took off and ripped the poor kids arm off.

The driver was arrested for armed robbery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nyquill81
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2017
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What did the bumper say to the sticker?

Wanna get faded?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Manartguy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
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Bumper sticker
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πŸ‘€︎ u/burnz1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
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How do you get out of bumper to bumper traffic?

Take the bumpers off of your car.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kookoo831
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2013
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Saw this on the way to work. Perfect combination of bumper stickers imgur.com/6FwvVh5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKremlinGremlin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
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I think I'm going to change my name to Hindsight and run for President

All over the country people would put up my signs and bumper stickers...

HINDSIGHT 2020

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πŸ‘€︎ u/riskable
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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My dad saw a number sticker that said 'PILOT'

He told me it must be the first bumper sticker ever

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thesaurususaurus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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True story

I was born in Detroit, and my dad told me this story about this gang in our area. Apparently as an initiation, this gang would stand on top of a bridge that an expressway went under. They had long chain; and by extending the chain low enough, they would try to bust the windshields of cars driving under the bridge. One guy took the chain and wrapped it around his arm for a better grip. Well the chain somehow got attached to someone's bumper, taking the chain with it. It ripped the guy's arm clean off! The police came, and THEY ARRESTED THE FREAKING DRIVER. Unbelievable. You know what they arrested him for? Armed robbery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LavenderGoomes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2016
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While passing a car with an "I heart my dachshund" sticker

My sister: Dad look, They heart their dachshund!

Dad: At least they don't club 'em.

He's the funny man around town.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2013
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Guy made an awesome party entrance with a cheesy dadjoke

My friend had a truck on his lawn full of firewood for the bonfire planned for later in the party. This guy who just arrived walks into the kitchen and says, "Hey, you know you've got a truck growing outta your lawn?" My friend replies, "Yeah, I planted a couple GMC emblems and it just sprouted up!" The guy, without a moment's hesitation says. "Damn, that's a real bumper crop!" Everyone in the kitchen died laughing and the guy, who didn't really know anyone there, instantly became the centre of the party.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WebberWoods
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2014
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Bought a new car today..

Basically they gave me bumper to bumper repair coverage for an extra 50 a month. The loan officer told me that if I get the coverage and I need a tow at anytime, the coverage designates me a free tow whenever I need it.

So I says "no thanks, I've already got 10"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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Should Dodge

My son was inspecting the front bumper of my car. He said "Dad there's a lot of bugs on your bumper." I said "They should Dodge." I drive a Dodge Journey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rmwkaiser
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2014
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I rear ended a car with a Jesus bumper sticker on it.

I stopped in the name of the Lord.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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