I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
but I ran out of gas.
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
Police are working tirelessly to catch him
It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquillity and normality following the recent pandemic.
Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.
EDIT: Thank you so much for my first award!
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."
He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"
The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".
St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"
The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."
"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"
The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".
"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."
I've exhausted all mine.
Customer: "Cargo space?"
Me: "No, car no fly, car go roads"
Manager: "Can I see you in my office?"
It’s in mint condition.
I had them tested and one came back positive. Google says it’s terminal.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
We have....a lot in common.
An ambulance! He's got a car on his head!
He just kept saying he had 0% interest.
T H A T
They’ve been working tirelessly to find him
His name was Noh Pahk Ing
Car go road
Cars Against Humanity.
There’s no going back now.
She said she would under no circumstances perform reverse psychology
He couldn't a-FORD it.
(This is not original, I saw it somewhere else, not on Reddit)
It wooden drive 🙁
It was a Jag war.
He said Dad why don’t you use a sponge like the other dads?
The spare tire...
Until I drove pasta
...I had no idea my wife and I could even fit in there!
A toy Yoda
He is calling in from the hospital with his four casts.
Police are working 'tirelessly' to catch him.
Toyota now makes toy Yodas...
I'm ok, the damage was super-fish-oil.
Run in front of a car you get tyred
But it was exhausting
Blimp My Ride
I was just 2 tired
The infernal combustion engine
Basically an autobiography
The son asks: "Dad, can't we just use a sponge?"
I was going to call for an ambulance, but that might've been asking for trouble.
He hiked several miles to a farmhouse, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay overnight.
“Sure,” said the farmer, “my wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are twenty-one and twenty-three, but they’re off to college, and I’m all by myself, so I have lots of room to put you up.”
Hearing this, the salesman turned around and started walking back toward the highway.
The farmer called after him,“Didn’t you hear what I said? I have lots of room.”
“I heard you,” said the salesman, “but I think I’m in the wrong joke.”
A screw driver
...well, that's the Word on the street.
Because of the Siren.
Road Dent Insurance .
Honda, because the disciples were all ‘in one accord.’
but in the end it’s clearly exhausted.
I guess you could say I got car-owner virus
They told me not to be so silly, and to sit properly...
His son said: dad, can’t you just use a sponge?
We named him Carson
...but I guess nobody really wants to hear that old Saab story.
To let me know that childbirth is still more painful.
A Dell set fire to the train
Oops, wrong sub
He says "thats good because then it would be a rain roof"....
She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles. One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with at a salon. Her friend told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied Judi, "as long as I can sell the car."
"Okay," said Judi's friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, Judi made the trip to the mechanic. Two weeks later the friend asked Judi, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied Judi, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"
guess you could call it a cat-illac.
I said no, the cars are much faster
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.
Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.
Penguin: Ah no that’s just ice cream.
Him: “You ought to try new things.” Me: “Illegal.” Him: “Sick bird.” Took me a long time to get.
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!
I think it’s got car owner virus
In unison dead pan my wife and mother: “all of them”
But they had to let him go, they couldn’t find anything to charge him with.