Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...

My how the stables have turned.

Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zthazel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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What’s the difference between a mall and a parked car?

A lot.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jupitersmoones
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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I still remember my childhood quite fondly, when dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.

Those were the Good Years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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I went to the rock-wall place but my debit card was declined, so I had to pay with the coins in my car’s center console.

It was my climb-it change.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarterLawler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Hey! Did you see that snail-shaped car with the letter S painted on it drive by?

Just look at that escargo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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What kind of car does the moon drive?

An Eclipse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaykDoe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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The car dealership in my town just doubled its size.

Now it can offer a whole lot more.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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What was wrong with the wooden car?

It wooden go

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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I just put gas in the car

You might want to crack a window

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpaceDBoogie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Two atoms walk into a bar, one says to the other β€œDang, I left my electrons in the car.” The other replies, β€œAre you sure?”

β€œYa, I’m positive.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LOLMrTeacherMan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Last night, taking a walk on the beach... Came across a police car stuck in the sand about 3 feet from the water...I asked the driver what happened...

He said the police were expecting a crime wave

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrangeJeepWdw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Bark the car
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ra1ku_77
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Someone stole the tires off a police car

They’re working tirelessly to catch them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jerryattrix
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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You hear about the dog who liked to chase cars?

He got tired.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ixnayhombray
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Dad can I wash the car with you ?

I dunno son, I prefer you use a sponge

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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My wife says that I should worry about the brakes on my car instead of posting on Reddit

But I just can't stop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Wheuss
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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A cop stopped me and demanded i get out of the car. "You're staggering" he said.

"Well thank you. You're not so bad yourself."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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What did the rust say to the car?

Sorry, it was an oxidant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AceThirtyThree
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Why didn't the priest want to get his car detailed?

The devil's in the detail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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Did you hear about the mechanic who fell asleep under the car?

He woke up oily in the morning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GitShiggles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Furiously honks car horn in the middle of no where without a car in sight.

Kids: looks up from their phones, β€œwhy did you do that for?”

Dad: β€œto scare away the elephants!”

Kids: β€œwhat elephants?!!”

Dad: β€œsee it’s working!”

β€”β€”

Thank you! Thank you very much!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crewthsr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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The best cars.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElectronicHeart29
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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Why did the cow yell at the car?

Because the car wouldn’t mooooove!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddysbrat18
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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Today I slipped and fell while walking out to the car.

I was pissed. I was mad. I looked everywhere for the cause. But alas, it was my own asphalt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kristhebrown
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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A state trooper pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway

Glancing at the car he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting

The trooper crank down his window and yelled to the driver β€œpull over”

β€œNo!” yelled the woman β€œit’s a cardigan”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Why did the Russians car not start?

It kept Stalin.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RSGaming0416
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Step out of the car
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spinnaker190
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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My dad after we almost hit a deer in the car the other day:

"You know, he's an expert in his field."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fragglepusss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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I invented a car that moves only when the driver is silent....

It goes without saying...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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Have you seen the car crash at the national association for blind people?

Witnesses claim they didn't see it coming

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5wiipr29
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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For my next car, I’m going to buy a Honda directly from Japan and pay all the necessary tariffs.

It will be my Civic duty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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My son got a new toy car, the Toyota SHOEpra...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BestServedColder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Did you hear about the Swedish car company that went bust in 2012?

It’s your typical Saab story.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thrasher555
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...

"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebikerdad
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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My wife gave birth to our son in our car on the way to the hospital

I named him Carson

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Did you hear about the electric car from Germany?

Its called a Voltswagon

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFunJr2000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her...

Instead I swam up to the surface.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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I love snails so I painted the letter S all over my car

Now whenever I'm out driving, people point to my car and say: "Look at that S car go."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I answered the door today and a police officer said "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been in a car accident."

I replied "yeah, but at least she has a nice personality."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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Dear driver of the car behind me.

Honking the horn won't make me text any faster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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My father and were in the car and drove passed a cemetery.

Dad: How many dead people are in there?

Me: I have no idea

Dad: Hopefully all of them are.

Lame, I know, but this actually happened to me when I was 12

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pork85
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I took my car to the shop today because my tire was making a whistling noise

Mechanic: sounds like a flat

Me: actually sounds more like an F-sharp to me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dexter992
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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What’s the last thing through a bugs mind when he hits your cars windshield?

His butt

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matty_Boosie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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I had a joke about a grizzly in my car but i always forget the punch line ..

Bear with me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/azzapro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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Got this from my 7 yr old this morning while he was getting in the car and didn’t get the door closed completely.

When is a door also a good container? When it’s ajar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/channabanana01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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I removed the rear view mirror from my car last week.

Haven't looked back since.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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What do you call a car that wants to speak to the manager

A McKaren

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetchupTheTomato
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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After years of obstructing my view, I ripped off the rearview mirrors on my car.

Since then, I haven't looked back.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMA_SWEET
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I remember my childhood quite fondly, when Dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.

Those were the Good Years.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report

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