Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
What’s the difference between a mall and a parked car?
I still remember my childhood quite fondly, when dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
I went to the rock-wall place but my debit card was declined, so I had to pay with the coins in my car’s center console.
It was my climb-it change.
Hey! Did you see that snail-shaped car with the letter S painted on it drive by?
Just look at that escargo.
What kind of car does the moon drive?
The car dealership in my town just doubled its size.
Now it can offer a whole lot more.
What was wrong with the wooden car?
I just put gas in the car
You might want to crack a window
Two atoms walk into a bar, one says to the other “Dang, I left my electrons in the car.” The other replies, “Are you sure?”
Last night, taking a walk on the beach... Came across a police car stuck in the sand about 3 feet from the water...I asked the driver what happened...
He said the police were expecting a crime wave
Someone stole the tires off a police car
They’re working tirelessly to catch them
You hear about the dog who liked to chase cars?
Dad can I wash the car with you ?
I dunno son, I prefer you use a sponge
My wife says that I should worry about the brakes on my car instead of posting on Reddit
A cop stopped me and demanded i get out of the car. "You're staggering" he said.
"Well thank you. You're not so bad yourself."
What did the rust say to the car?
Sorry, it was an oxidant.
Why didn't the priest want to get his car detailed?
The devil's in the detail.
Did you hear about the mechanic who fell asleep under the car?
He woke up oily in the morning
Furiously honks car horn in the middle of no where without a car in sight.
Kids: looks up from their phones, “why did you do that for?”
Dad: “to scare away the elephants!”
Kids: “what elephants?!!”
Dad: “see it’s working!”
——
Thank you! Thank you very much!
Why did the cow yell at the car?
Because the car wouldn’t mooooove!
Today I slipped and fell while walking out to the car.
I was pissed. I was mad. I looked everywhere for the cause. But alas, it was my own asphalt.
A state trooper pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway
Glancing at the car he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting
The trooper crank down his window and yelled to the driver “pull over”
“No!” yelled the woman “it’s a cardigan”
Why did the Russians car not start?
My dad after we almost hit a deer in the car the other day:
"You know, he's an expert in his field."
I invented a car that moves only when the driver is silent....
It goes without saying...
Have you seen the car crash at the national association for blind people?
Witnesses claim they didn't see it coming
For my next car, I’m going to buy a Honda directly from Japan and pay all the necessary tariffs.
It will be my Civic duty.
My son got a new toy car, the Toyota SHOEpra...
Did you hear about the Swedish car company that went bust in 2012?
It’s your typical Saab story.
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
My wife gave birth to our son in our car on the way to the hospital
Did you hear about the electric car from Germany?
My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her...
Instead I swam up to the surface.
I love snails so I painted the letter S all over my car
Now whenever I'm out driving, people point to my car and say: "Look at that S car go."
I answered the door today and a police officer said "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been in a car accident."
I replied "yeah, but at least she has a nice personality."
Dear driver of the car behind me.
Honking the horn won't make me text any faster.
My father and were in the car and drove passed a cemetery.
Dad: How many dead people are in there?
Me: I have no idea
Dad: Hopefully all of them are.
Lame, I know, but this actually happened to me when I was 12
I took my car to the shop today because my tire was making a whistling noise
Mechanic: sounds like a flat
Me: actually sounds more like an F-sharp to me
What’s the last thing through a bugs mind when he hits your cars windshield?
I had a joke about a grizzly in my car but i always forget the punch line ..
Got this from my 7 yr old this morning while he was getting in the car and didn’t get the door closed completely.
When is a door also a good container?
When it’s ajar.
I removed the rear view mirror from my car last week.
Haven't looked back since.
What do you call a car that wants to speak to the manager
After years of obstructing my view, I ripped off the rearview mirrors on my car.
Since then, I haven't looked back.
I remember my childhood quite fondly, when Dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
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