Slug Puns

Or they can charge you with a salt.

Snails are better shells men.

(Five-year-old) I'm a fun guy, so they would eat me.

It was slimy pickings for dinner that evening.

Because he was a-salted.

“Yep, she got the house”

A Snailboat.

They moistly come at night... moistly.

We used an A-SALT rifle

You slug it!!

There would be a mass confusion

My tactic was if I take the shells off, they’ll be lighter and quicker,

All it did was make them a bit sluggish

Nothing, you gotta let ‘em slug it out.

What language slugs speak.

A slug.

A slug

They slug it out...

They got in a heated argument and then decided to slug it out. Even though they did so at a snail's pace.

...would the arresting documents say that I slugged them?

Keep your eyes PEELED for banana slugs.

It was a real slug fest.

My 20 year old daughter works in a local small specialty bake shop (Gluten Free, Organic, Vegan). The owner gave her some cash and sent her to the local Sprouts for some salt. She was shoveling salt from the bin into a bag and had about 5 lbs already in the bag and was still shoveling. She noticed a mid 40's man looking at her in wonder. With out missing a beat, my baby girl says "We have one hell of a snail problem" and keeps shoveling.

I've never been more proud.

The sun shone into my office through the lowered blinds all clumsy like, fumbling through the gaps between the venetian slats like a drunk fishing for loose change in his pockets; trying to see if he has money enough for one last drink or maybe the bus ride home.

The dame looked me up and down, clearly disappointed by what sat in front of her. I didn’t blame her. Three days of salt and pepper stubble clung to my my crude boxer’s jaw and the bags under my eyes were so big half the bums downtown could sleep in there and not even know anyone else was with 'em. That was ok. This broad wasn’t hiring me for my looks and I wasn’t looking to her for approval. We both knew what brought her in here, it was the name on the door.

Max Dad P.I. - that’s me. Private Investigator’s sure not the profession my mother would have picked out for me, but it keeps me in whisky and it keeps a roof over my head and that’ll do for now. The dame parted those cherry red lips of hers as she took another pull on that just-lit cigarette and nervously stubbed it out in the ashtray. My eyebrows knit together slightly. I hate seeing things go to waste.

“So as I was saying, Mr Dad,” she began.

“Please, call me Max”

“Alright, Max… well, as I was saying, my bag is missing. Stolen, I think. I urgently need it back. Shall I describe it to you?”

“No that’s alright miss. You got nothing to worry about,” I replied, sliding a bottle out of the desk drawer and pouring a big slug of scotch into to my morning coffee, “I’m sure it’ll be a brief case.”

I saw this Pun earlier today and it got me thinking that I want to have a pun potluck. So far I can make the punchline of u/KennyTheDownsTigr pun and some Evil Spirits for us to slug.

On a walk I turned to my girlfriend and said, "Did you know male snails are extremely territorial?"

Without missing a beat she asks,

"Really? How do they fight?"

"They slug it out! ahaahahahaha"

Coworker: "She said she was fired because she slugged someone, but it wasn't really a slug, more like a tap."

Me: "So, she snailed someone?"

They slug it out.

Nothing, just let them slug it out

They slug it out.