If a baker assaults somebody with a baguette...
...can he be charged with assault with a breadly weapon?
Why did the judge set the bail so low for the ostrich charged with assault?
He wasn't a flight risk.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried
Today a man tried to assault me with a knife
Damn, that was a sharp moment.
At the casino a woman accused me of assault
And I say "But I'm the blackjack dealer, it's my job to hit people."
What do you call someone who regularly assaults people?
A seasoned offender.
If you attack someone with a jalapeño... is it assault
Or a pepper?
Why did seven assault nine?
He really heighted him
Apparently there was an almond charged with aggravated assault.
I get the police do a lot of good, but I don’t know how I feel about them busting a nut in public.
I threw a fuzzy peach at his head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar"
Yesterday I walked down the street and punched a white guy, so I got changed with assault. Today I walked down the street and punched a black guy...
...I got charged with apepper
Hear about the Lady Gaga impersonator getting arrested for assault?
She was doing Poke-her Face.
What Happens When You Assault Someone With A Battery?
You Get Charged
Where was the bunny taken when he was charged with assault and battery?
A Dura'cell'
What’s the difference between assault and battery?
One comes out of a shaker and the other comes from a pack
If someone throws sodium chloride at you, that's assault.
Sodium chloride is a salt. Assault is pronounced like "a salt" in some places.
Adam Levine was sugar bombed and the perp was arrested for assault
Dad: "But it wasn't assault! It was a-sugar!"
Newspaper story headline was "7 facing serious drug and assault charges."
Well that explains why 7 8 9.
