These puns are really screwing me up.
Coworker told me he was tired of people screwing up and “gross human incontinence”
Do you know what the best part about a Mexican screwing in a lightbulb?
It only takes Juan to do it
Told my dad I saw two flies screwing on the wall
He turned to me and said "You mean insex?"
What's more important to screwing a lightbulb, the lightbulb, or the person...?
My friend was having trouble screwing the lid onto a Tide container.
My friend was having trouble screwing the lid onto a Tide container.
She said, "Close, darn it!"
I said, "No, that's just the soap. The clothes are in the hamper."
When I saw videos of the Ukrain riots: It was like screwing around on a camping trip
screwing around with my wife.
After drilling a hole, inserting the plastic sleeve, then driving a philips head to attach the nanny cam securely to the wall in our baby's room...
Wife: "Good job! You nailed it!"
Me: "Actually honey, I screwed it."
Three electricians screwing in a light bulb.
many men make light work.
Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her new year's resolution was. She replied “Screw you!”
So I'm pretty excited for the new year!
How do Disney princesses screw in a lightbulb?
They hold the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Phil’s always getting screwed...
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.
How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Let’s go play on our bikes.
If you can’t hammer screws
What has a 100 balls and screws old women
Those parents must be nuts
How does a Karen screw in a light bulb?
She puts it in the socket and expects the world to revolve around her.
How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, they are very efficient and have no sense of humor.
Today I will be talking about the Makita 18V Cordless 1/2-Inch Hammer Drive
I am sure someone has posted this one before, but, since I haven’t seen it, here goes! What did the wood screw say to the machine screw?
Wow! Those are some fine lookin’ threads, brotha!
I saw a guy drink a bottle of brandy, then fill it to the top with water and screw the lid back on.
He approached a wild ox. The ox looked at him.
The guy said, "Hello, there, wild ox. Would you like to buy this bottle of brandy from me? £50, that is all."
The wild ox mulled it over, before pulling out the money and handing it over to the man.
In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have jumped up and yelled, "It's a con, yak!"
I guess you could say he’s a...... screw driver
Screw Netflix and chill
How about Hulu and do you? 💀
Coach used to tell me I screwed up my drills
Why does it feel so good to screw on a camping trip?
How many people with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Hey wanna go play catch?
(My dad's newest)
I just installed a screw in my computer.
But I can’t find the driver for it.
So, are you a Phillips head or a flathead?
I’m just trying to see how you like to screw 😎👉🏻👉🏻
How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2. But the real question is, how did they get in there?
I got a screw in my car tire today...
...I had no idea my wife and I could even fit in there!
"Push harder", I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. "Screw you", she yelled back at me.
A bit harsh I thought, it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to hospital.
How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only government...
Can screw you hard for a whole year before they even stimulate you
How many amoeba does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- No, 2. No wait 4! 8 16 32...
Screw your “interesting title”
How many lumberjacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Six!...... One to hold the lightbulb and five to drink enough to make the room spin!
Zingo!
Why do riot police arrive early to the protests?
... so they can beat the crowds!
Edit: Wow, this is now my second highest upvoted post ever, and it's not even my own joke! Totally should have credited the video I saw this in: https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/h8btkp/protester_has_a_joke_for_the_police_officers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Thanks for the laughs and great comment threads, Reddit :)
What does a robot do at the end of a one-night stand?
He nuts and bolts!
Edit: wow! My first Silver. You guys are amazing.
If you don’t get the joke, you might have a screw loose
How many ravens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One!
Because Germans do not have humor.
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many spies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
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