How many fire flies does it took too screw in a light bulb?
No one knows exactly, but it takes a lot. They aren't that bright.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
How many disappointed dads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How would I know? Youβve made me the proudest dad alive.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
When going on a roller coaster, bring some screws and nuts with you.
When it's half way up, scream at the people in the front seats, "SHIT DUDE, THESE JUST CAME OFF FROM YOUR SEATS. "
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 28 2021
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 30 2021
How many dancers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
π︎ 17
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︎ Feb 20 2021
Why is it better to screw up on a road you paved than on one someone else paved?
Because it's your own asphalt.
π︎ 15
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︎ Feb 25 2021
Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her new year's resolution was. She replied βScrew you!β
So I'm pretty excited for the new year!
π︎ 37
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
My optometrist says that I have a screw loose.
But I just canβt see it.
π︎ 12
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︎ Jan 31 2021
How do Disney princesses screw in a lightbulb?
They hold the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them
π︎ 54
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︎ Dec 19 2020
The man and the silver screw.
There once was this fella was born with a silver screw in his belly button. His parents, and later himself, searched far and wide trying to find someone that knew how this happened and how to remove it. As he grew older he cared less and less about the "how" and more about the removal. One day in his never-ending search he encountered a wizened woman who said that she knew of a place where you could go and a mysterious force would be able to remove the screw. But, before she provided the location she asked him if this was REALLY something he wanted done and if he knew all the consequences of his desire. The man hastily said that he was 10000% sure and more than well informed of the consequences. So, she gave him the location of the cave and the instructions on how to gain the help of the mysterious force. He was to go to the cave and sleep nude in the cave over night and by the morning his request would be fulfilled. He made his way to the spot with all due haste and followed the instructions to the letter. He did this and fell into a sound sleep. During the night a heavy fog rolled into the cave and a shining silver screwdriver floated into the cave with it. It floated down to the man and gently removed the screw. When the man woke up in the morning and saw the screw on the ground beside him he quickly reached down and felt his belly button. The screw was gone! He sprung up with great joy but the minute he landed after his leap of joy his butt fell off. He froze in horror and started to scream "Why did my butt fall off?" over and over.
The moral of the story is "Don't mess with things you don't understand or you will lose your butt."
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Letβs go play on our bikes.
π︎ 139
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.
π︎ 19
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︎ Sep 26 2020
What has a 100 balls and screws old women
π︎ 43
π
︎ Sep 03 2020
If you canβt hammer screws
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
I guess you could say heβs a...... screw driver
π︎ 83
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︎ Mar 12 2020
How does a Karen screw in a light bulb?
She puts it in the socket and expects the world to revolve around her.
π︎ 25
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︎ Jul 30 2020
Screw Netflix and chill
How about Hulu and do you? π
π︎ 8
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︎ May 20 2020
How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, they are very efficient and have no sense of humor.
π︎ 8
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︎ Jul 27 2020
I saw a guy drink a bottle of brandy, then fill it to the top with water and screw the lid back on.
He approached a wild ox. The ox looked at him.
The guy said, "Hello, there, wild ox. Would you like to buy this bottle of brandy from me? Β£50, that is all."
The wild ox mulled it over, before pulling out the money and handing it over to the man.
In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have jumped up and yelled, "It's a con, yak!"
π︎ 35
π
︎ Jul 25 2020
I am sure someone has posted this one before, but, since I havenβt seen it, here goes! What did the wood screw say to the machine screw?
Wow! Those are some fine lookinβ threads, brotha!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 14 2020
Why does it feel so good to screw on a camping trip?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 16 2020
How many people with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Hey wanna go play catch?
(My dad's newest)
π︎ 17
π
︎ May 24 2020
I just installed a screw in my computer.
But I canβt find the driver for it.
π︎ 24
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︎ May 16 2020
How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2. But the real question is, how did they get in there?
π︎ 73
π
︎ Dec 27 2019
Are they gonna screw?
π︎ 83
π
︎ Jan 18 2020
I got a screw in my car tire today...
...I had no idea my wife and I could even fit in there!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 12 2020
How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
π︎ 19
π
︎ Mar 08 2020
Screw your βinteresting titleβ
π︎ 57
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︎ Sep 02 2019
"Push harder", I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. "Screw you", she yelled back at me.
A bit harsh I thought, it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to hospital.
π︎ 58
π
︎ Apr 03 2020
If you donβt get the joke, you might have a screw loose
π︎ 234
π
︎ Feb 05 2019
Screw fast cooks
π︎ 30
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︎ Dec 15 2019
How many amoeba does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- No, 2. No wait 4! 8 16 32...
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 08 2020
How many lumberjacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 09 2020
Screw driver
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 15 2019
How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Six!...... One to hold the lightbulb and five to drink enough to make the room spin!
Zingo!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 06 2020
Autocorrect screws up so much, I'm just fresh out of ducks to give.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 04 2019
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
How many golfers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
π︎ 24
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
π︎ 50
π
︎ Oct 14 2020
How many ravens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Itβs imPOEsible to tell
π︎ 16
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︎ Jul 24 2020
How many germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One!
Because Germans do not have humor.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Apr 07 2020
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 27 2020
How many spies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 16 2020
How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
π︎ 61
π
︎ Jul 27 2019
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but itβs kind of cramped.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 27 2019
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