Jackass Puns

You stop pretending.

She laughed, "hee haw!" The farmer said, "she can't understand ya... she's a donkey!"

....so they named me the year's worst employee at the toy factory.

http://i.imgur.com/wj3wczz.jpg

He brayed for my health.

Mom: She has a brittle bone disease. Shes 6 but has already broken four arms.
Me: Four arms? You should have started out with the fact that she has four arms, who cares about the brittle bone thing.
She called me a jackass and left. I was the only one laughing.
Worth it.

My dad got sharp white cheddar cheese as a gift.

Dad - Hey Vinnythepooh come try these cheese and crackers.

Me - (stick cheese in my mouth and start chewing) Ouch, oh shoot that hurt.

Dad - What happened?!

Me - That cheese cut me it was so sharp!

Dad - You jackass thats my line!

Me - (proceed laughing hysterically)

I just recently became a dad so I've been practicing my dad jokes.

Me: hey dad can you-

Dad: hay is for horses your ears are too long

(He called me an ass)

"Hey. Hey duhtrutho. Hey!"

"Hay is for horses and other farm animals, Dad."

"Well good thing you're a jackass, now get over here and look at this."

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "give me a drink jackass" so the bartender pours him a drink and gives it to him. A few minutes later the guy says "hey jackass give me another drink" The bartender without a word just pours the guy another drink. They guy sitting to left the of the man says to the bartender "just curious, how do you let a guy come in and talk to you like that" The bartender replies "aww-hee-haw hee-halways calls me that!"

He replied: 'hey is for horses, aren't you glad you're a jackass?'

Followed by a quick laugh.