My jackass husband just hit me with this one. Pretend you are on a boat surrounded by sharks. How do you survive?

You stop pretending.

👍︎ 209
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Told my neighbor, jenny, she was hooking up with the wrong guy... he's a jackass...

She laughed, "hee haw!" The farmer said, "she can't understand ya... she's a donkey!"

👍︎ 12
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Goats don't instinctively know, and have to find out for themselves, that if you sleep with a jackass, mule regret it.
👍︎ 275
💬︎
👤︎ u/pnewell
📅︎ Nov 29 2017
🚨︎ report
What did my donkey do when I was hospitalized?

He brayed for my health.

👍︎ 4
💬︎
👤︎ u/kilokiilo
📅︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Not bragging but I made six figures last year...

....so they named me the year's worst employee at the toy factory.

👍︎ 5k
💬︎
📅︎ Dec 15 2017
🚨︎ report
My local weather man, ladies and gentlemen

http://i.imgur.com/wj3wczz.jpg

👍︎ 2k
💬︎
👤︎ u/am_reddit
📅︎ Aug 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Not a dad but my mom was telling me about my cousin's kid.

Mom: She has a brittle bone disease. Shes 6 but has already broken four arms.
Me: Four arms? You should have started out with the fact that she has four arms, who cares about the brittle bone thing.
She called me a jackass and left. I was the only one laughing.
Worth it.

👍︎ 376
💬︎
📅︎ Dec 04 2014
🚨︎ report
I just dad joked my dad!

My dad got sharp white cheddar cheese as a gift.

Dad - Hey Vinnythepooh come try these cheese and crackers.

Me - (stick cheese in my mouth and start chewing) Ouch, oh shoot that hurt.

Dad - What happened?!

Me - That cheese cut me it was so sharp!

Dad - You jackass thats my line!

Me - (proceed laughing hysterically)

I just recently became a dad so I've been practicing my dad jokes.

👍︎ 167
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 03 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad's go to joke

Me: hey dad can you-

Dad: hay is for horses your ears are too long

(He called me an ass)

👍︎ 22
💬︎
👤︎ u/dabisnit
📅︎ Sep 06 2013
🚨︎ report
I tried to out-dadjoke my dad today...

"Hey. Hey duhtrutho. Hey!"

"Hay is for horses and other farm animals, Dad."

"Well good thing you're a jackass, now get over here and look at this."

👍︎ 35
💬︎
👤︎ u/DuhTrutho
📅︎ May 27 2014
🚨︎ report
A joke by Roger Miller

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "give me a drink jackass" so the bartender pours him a drink and gives it to him. A few minutes later the guy says "hey jackass give me another drink" The bartender without a word just pours the guy another drink. They guy sitting to left the of the man says to the bartender "just curious, how do you let a guy come in and talk to you like that" The bartender replies "aww-hee-haw hee-halways calls me that!"

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/cory3410
📅︎ Dec 30 2014
🚨︎ report
Said 'hey' to my dad..

He replied: 'hey is for horses, aren't you glad you're a jackass?'

Followed by a quick laugh.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/amjourdan
📅︎ May 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Frank Gilbreth Sr.

Father of 12 and inspiration for the books and films Cheaper by The Dozen, Frank Gilbreth reportedly had this exchange when pulling up to an intersection with his car load of kids:

person: hey buddy, what are you doing with all those kids, building an ark?

Frank: Just doing what the good lord told me. All I need now is a jackass! HOP IN!

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 26 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.