I was recording my wife’s speech at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, but my battery died halfway through.

Now I’ll never hear the end of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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My friend from Paris was the best man at the wedding of a Belgian waffle heir and a Swedish pancake tycoon, but wasn’t allowed to give a speech at the reception.

They knew he’d give a French toast, and they said it wasn’t worth the pain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i-kant_even
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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My dad gave a speech at my big sisters wedding.

He had my sister put a hand in, her husband put his hand on top of hers, then she put her other hand over his, then his other hand over hers. Then he told her husband β€œThis is the last time you’ll ever have the upper hand”

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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Had my best man speech for my best friends wedding yesterday and I finished with a great one

"Well this has been a really emotional day, gosh...even the wedding cake is in tiers." Got lots of heavy sighing, laughs and tons of boos....I was very happy with the reception

  • thanks for the upvotes! Never thought I'd see the front page, it's been a pun-ishing wait to get there
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustinioForza
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2016
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[Request] Can I have a dad joke to open my wedding speech? (Groom speaking)

Wedding is on Saturday, in Dorset uk. Requesting joke ideas in exchange for gratitude.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
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Dad made a speech at my wedding. He said this advice to over 300 people...

"Son, if you're going to argue, argue naked".

The reception erupted in claps and roaring laughter. I will remember that advice for the rest of my life.

Thank you dad for that wonderful memory.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bourbondioxide
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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I made a speech at my sister's wedding.

it was very heartfelt, and had spurts of humour everyone could laugh along with.

Then I finished it with a toast to bread. So many groans. That's how I know they loved it

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2014
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The most emotional part of my wedding wasn't the vows or the speeches - it was getting cake smashed in my face.

Really brought a tier to my eye.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlwaysTheNoob
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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After getting married, the woman filed for divorce the very next morning...........

Judge: "I don't understand, what happened?"

Woman: "I work in a pharmacy. I met him when he first came there last week and asked to purchase an X-X-X-X-L condom. That's when I thought, for a happy pleasureful life, I should get him to marry me before any other girls find out and lap him up."

Judge: "ok.... then? "

Woman: "I held my excitement all day thru the wedding, waiting for the night..... so at night when I my curiosity couldn't wait any longer........I found out something."

Judge: "what?"

Woman: "the Bastard has speech disorder.... he STAMMERS!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Dadjoked the crowd at my brother's wedding.

So at the reception it was my turn to give a speech and it went like this:

"I'm going to start this off with a couple jokes. First, it was a rather emotional wedding right? I mean, my mom was crying, Charity was crying, hell even the cake was in tiers! (many groans throughout the crowd) Second joke, to some marriage is just a word, to others, a sentence."

Besides all the groaning in the crowd I looked at my dad and saw that he was laughing so hard that he turned red and had tears in his eyes, that's how I knew they were good quality dadjokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HomelessFuneral
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2015
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Every time my dad tells this it gets just a little more elaborate. But this is how I remember it.

Paul has a shitty life, his wife constantly berates him, his job sucks, his boss is a bully, his car is a shitty 85 ford pinto with a cracked windshield and is in bad need of a new transmission and to top it all off he's chubby, balding, and he has a small penis.

The only thing good in Paul's life is his friend Artie. Artie isn't the brightest bulb in the world, but he's always been there for Paul in the tough times. On October 5, 1953 Artie stood up for Paul against his bully in 7th grade. Artie got his ass handed to him at that time, but so did Paul. That incident resulted in a life long friendship. Paul and Artie went to the same High School together. They traveled around Europe that one summer in college. Artie was Paul's best man at his wedding. Everyone thought speech Artie gave was terrible, But Paul loved it Artie was his best friend.

Artie's life wasn't much better either, he never had the smarts for that great Job. In fact he was stuck in a dead end job as a construction labourer. Artie's car was pretty shitty too. Artie never married, but he was happy in the knowledge that at least he didn't end up with Paul's shitty wife.

For Paul's 46th birthday Artie was pretty broke, so all he could get his friend was a single lottery ticket. Artie being the sentimental guy that he was picked the date of the start of their friendship, and their respective ages (46, 45). Paul loved the present, and thought that the two of them should go to the Legion that friday to split a round of beers and listen to them call out the numbers.

On Friday they are both sitting there at the Legion having a laugh over a couple of beers when the cute lottery girl comes on the t.v. to read out the numbers. Paul pulls out the ticket and spreads it out on the beer stained table in front of them. The lottery girl starts reading out the numbers, 45, 10, 05. Both of Paul and Artie's hearts start beating, thats 200$ already. 53, Holy crap thats like a 10, 000 ticket. They both start losing their shit. 46....... Paul feints. He just won the jackpot. 37million dollars.

Two minutes later Artie finally revives Paul. Paul and Artie celebrate the night away, buy round after round for the people at the Legion and get absolutely shittered. They close out the bar and as the ugly lights come on they stumble blitzed, singing, onto the street arm in arm with the winning lottery ticket in hand and start the long walk back to Paul's place.

Halfway home, Paul comes to two drunken

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clearwind
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
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"They'll drift apart."

I was catering a wedding and this dad joke was given during the dad's speech:

Dad: "When they got engaged, my wife and I went out to look for a present to get them to congratulate them. My wife thought the best gift idea would be to purchase them a water bed. I said, 'A water bed?! They'll drift apart!'"

Classic dad joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zzurn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
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National Geographic

Me: Did you know the one of the lead photographers at NG tamed a bear and had him as best man at his wedding

Dad: Did he do a speech or just play the Bear-Necessities

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NuclearNoodle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2015
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Our wedding was so good, and my best mans speech was hilarious

Even the cake was in tiers

(Had to do a half cake day joke)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehmaz80
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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